Time's A Wastin'!

Ballz o fire! They'z discovered the fowntn o ewth! Er, wayull, almoss: iss gonna be 'rrived at by tiny steps, cuz they kin only 'pprowch it a second at a time (news: "2006 has been postponed by a second"). Ah don unnerstan why they coon'ta worked on this decadez ago, so't ah woon't be a hunnert 'n four now! They cooda slowed time down a secund a day. Just thank, ah cooda bin mebbe 60 this year! Jumpin with inergee, hardlee inny wrinklz, n eyez sharp'z a hawk!

Short 'n 2 the Poynt

The mannequinizm ishoo got me googlin, 'n ah fown sum reel good kwotes:

"If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary." (Federalist Papers)

"Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people." (Giordano Bruno)

"Complete equality isn't compatible with democracy, but it is a agreeable to tolitarianism. After all the only way to ensure the equality of the slothful, the inept and the immoral is to suppress everyone else." (Iain Benson)

**"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "  (Groucho Marx)

**"The tendency of democracies is, in all things, to mediocrity, since the tastes, knowledge, and principles of the majority form the tribunal of appeal." (James Fenimore Cooper)

**"It is the besetting vice of democracies to substitute public opinion for law. This is the usual form in which the masses of men exhibit their tyranny." (James Fenimore Cooper)

**"Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right." (H. L. Mencken)

**"Democracy is 2 wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." (Ben Franklin)

**"Tyrants have not yet discovered any chains that can fetter the mind." (Colton)

**"Freedom without obligation is anarchy. Freedom with obligation is democracy." (Earl Riney)

**"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government." (Edward Abbey)

**"In free countries, every man is entitled to express his opinions and every other man is entitled not to listen." (G. Norman Collie) [Ceptin, of course, when the one expressin the opinyunz haz kntroll o the media, the skoolz, the ennertainmint industry, the judiciary, n every uther orgun o inflooince; innat case, ewe kint git aWAY frum 'at set ov opinyunz.]

**"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously." (Hubert H. Humphrey)

**"The cure for the evils of Leftism is more Leftism." (Granny, with apawlujeez ta H.L. Mencken)

Mannekinz, Part 2

Seemz ta me 'at them folk who runz the anti-mannikinizm croosayd haz made plitiklizm thur rlijn. Iss a varyashn o good wurks theawlujee. Kahnda the sekyooluriss twist on Mormunizm: ya gotta do at leess X amownt of involvmint fer the cawz er yew iz a pee-on (ah alwayz git a kick outta 'at lass wurd: iss so turriblee diskriptiv, ainit?).

Ah Ain't no Doll

Tudday, ah saw a ad fer "FightMannequinism.org." Mannequin: 'at looks lahk a fancy-doodle word fer gnome er troll er leprikawn. But it ain't: ah done look it up, n iss the word fer them plastik dawlzzatchoo fahn modlin cloze n sech.

Aw right, ah stan crektid, but what in blaziz iz "mannequinizm" and whah do ah need ta fight it (iss bad enuff fahtin the everlastin termites in mah house [them'z the locull inserjints]; ah hain't got no more zip fer no uther "fights")? Izziz sum sorda plot by the PETA folk ta ixtind animull "rights" ta adult-sized plastik dawlz? Er mebbe iss sum ole hippiez on a croosayd aginst "the plastic society." Maybe, too, they think mannequinz oughtta be owtlawd cuz they're too "boorjwah," too fokisst on whatchoo look lahk. Er mebbe, iss the Fiminaziz gittin' all bint outta shape (haz yew nodisst 'at Fiminiss favert ixerssahz iz Yoga? Shore it iz! Yoga mekks you git all bint outta shape, too) bec. mannekinz promulgates (assa new word the Perfessr recintly larnd me!) a ardifishl vyoo o wimmin.

Nope, wrong agin: iss a campayn ta git yung folk involved plitiklee. 'Cordin ta the coynerz of the term, mannequinizm iz whin ewe ain't doin NUTHIN attawl plitikl. Spozidly iss a dizeez. N the cure iz real simpl: "All a person suffering from mannequinism has to do is be involved in an issue or cause he or she cares about---this could be volunteering at a local campaign office or non-profit organization, spending time out in the field, talking to your friends about issues, talking to strangers about the issue, registering to vote, voting, putting up flyers, writing a letter to the editor--- there are so many choices..."

Wayull, ah guess spluttrin at mah blawg aginst the Leftists (n shootin at snoopy Revenooerz) wood kwalify, woonchoo uhgree? N ah do vote, too, altho ah iz tahrd o wannabe Dimmercrats hidin out in the Republikn Pardy (ah luv whut Tony Snow callz'm: "Republicans in [political] drag;" ain't that the biggest hoot? Issa purfekk descripshn!).

Bud ah iz still wunnrin: who SEZ bein aplitikl iz a dizeez? Whud abowt folk who think **plitiklizm** iz a dizeez? Ah kin jis see it now: the plitiklists (who'z nuthin but the furss cuzzinz ov them Revenooerz) will pass an ole law kndemmin innybuddy who shunz plitikl involvmint---most nodubblee, plitikl involvment 'at ain in uhcord with the gowlz o the Sosho-Plitikl turmites.

They'z Got Parda Thur Answer

I stumbld on a fassnatin thang yesterdee; iss called "nannyteknawlujee," and evidentlee, it intailz sum risks:

-----An often cited worst-case scenario is "grey goo", a hypothetical substance into which the surface objects of the earth might be transformed by self-replicating nanobots running amok, a process which has been termed global ecophagy. Defenders point out that smaller objects are more susceptible to damage from radiation and heat (due to greater surface area-to-volume ratios): nanomachines would quickly fail when exposed to harsh climates. This argument depends on the speed of which such nanomachines might be able to reproduce....A variant on this is "Green Goo", a scenario in which nanobiotechnology creates a self-replicating nano machine which consumes all organic particles, living or dead, creating a slime -like non-living organic mass----- [frum Wikipedia]

Furss ov all, ah guess whin mah karkiss decidez ta moove on, I'll turn inta a mass o "grey goo," too.

Sekunlee, them thar nanobots runnin amuck rmahndid me o that story bowt the Sorssrur'z Prenniss: ah LUV the music fer that by Dukas: Skoolmarm played it fer me whin she rayud mah lass poss. Ah rekkun ole Neil Possmun cood claim that song az hiz mawdo song, donchoo? After awl, he wuz the feller who koynd the phrase, "culchrull resistince fightr" ('ass me to a "T"! Us OzarkFolk haz been the Amurrkun cownerpart o them thar Chechnyunz fer a long tahm----only differnce izzat we iz a peessubble varyunt; we don go 'rown blowin innercint [er guilty, fer that maddr] folk ta bits)

Lasslee, "creating a slime -like non-living organic mass" mekks me thank 'at the Darwinists iz missin' a krooshul scorin' poynt here: thur uhponints iz alweez denyin the eggzistince o the pyoodativ [note the pertnint uhloozhn ta stinch in this context!] "prebiotic soup." All the Darwinists havta do iz poynt ta this "goo" bizniss ta prove 'at pardda thur theeree (which howevr don in inny way ixplayn the mekanizm 'at suppozidlee kawzd that ole bugbear verdikl evilooshn).

Eggd On Ta Eat'm

Ahz alweez LUVD aygz; ah cood eat'm 3x/day: scrambld, fried, hard-bolld (jiss don pass me no aygz Binidict er soff-bolld---unLESS yew'z got sum pink stuff right thar with the sawlt 'n 'peppr shekkrz!). Well, now ah know why they'z got me hooked: avidin. Ah jis rayud 'at thassa proteen'ts in aygz. Not hard ta beleeve: ahz AVID bowt gittin them aygz IN mah mouth! Now who'dda thawt 'at aygz'd contayn a self-divuljin ingreedjunt, to boot one 'at mekks ewe uhddiktid?

Sakes alahv! Wayd'll them revenooerz git a loada THIS! They'll be cummin' fer mah chikkinz! :( :( :(

Head fer the shed, ahza gittin mah shootin' ahrn! (N them chikkinz iz gonna git hid in the treez----after ah gloo thur traps shut with a tblsp. each of peenut buddr [they iz CRAZZZZZZY bowt the stuff; n a whole tbsp. should keep'm silent fer about 4 ahrz minimum]. But now, yew jiss mekk shore ewe don go tellin' the PETA folk bowt this vurzhn o "sahlincer" ah yooziz on mah cacklrz. Ah don need no crazy furshirts inneemor'n ah need their still-stanchin' revenooer kawleegz).

Stealin' A Oldster???

They'z been bellyachin' so much 'bowt dennidy theff. Hollerin all ovr the place bowtcher havin ta be keerful bowt gittin yer name n uhddress n Sosh"Skyooridee" nummer stoled, n yer bank acct. nummer n whut all I don evn KNOW!

Wayull, ah guess this iz unuther binifit o bein a Ozarx Hillbilly, cuz who'n thur raht MAHN'd wanna be ME?? Fer starderz, ah ain't got no credit card. Pennyluss, toothluss, shoeluss, clueluss...Rich in wrinklz 'n bone-aches...Ah jiss kin't majin whut the uhttrakshn'd be.

Waydda minit!!! Ballz o fahr!!! Ewe rekkin they might be thankin bowt tekkin ovr mah still? That'd be a KUH-LAMMMMMMM-iddy!!!!

Head fer the shed! Ahz gittin mah shootin ahrn!

Artificial Yet Axiomatic Sunderances

Legal positivism assumes that law can be separated from morality, indeed, that it MUST be separated from morality. (Why does this remind me so much of the view that dead bodies are perfectly legitimate harvesting grounds for dental gold, for calcium from bones, for lampshades from skin, for soap from fat, and for felt from hair?)

No doubt, Wilhelm Frick would heartily agree. (P)

If He Wuz the Pope, Ah Maht Evn Turn In2 a Cathlick

(Just kiddin; nuthn cood cawz me ta go off the deep ind THAT bad! But he **IZ** one o mah favurt thinkerz.) Richard John Neuhaus recently wrote,

>>> Scientia means the state of knowing as distinguished from ignorance or misunderstanding. When it comes to the origins and nature of life in all its forms, many ways of knowing come into play. What qualifies by an excruciatingly narrow definition of science is joined by life experience, historical witness, signals of transcendence, reliable testimony, and an eminently reasonable understanding of revelation. Knowledge well employed leads to wisdom. <<<

>>> The ID movement is a critical part of a necessary corrective of a stiflingly reductive view of human knowing. The hysterical reaction to the movement by some in the science establishment is a sign of their desperation. They cling to neo-Darwinist orthodoxy in the way that others clung to Freudianism and Marxism, screaming in protest until, under the weight of cumulative evidence, the plausibility of their belief systems collapsed and they were finally forced to release their grip. Like dogmatic neo-Darwinists, they were in thrall to a powerful myth. <<< [mah imfasis]

Az evr, Sir Neuhaus, yew haz lazr-point vizhn.

Tsk, Tsk

>>> it seems the height of hypocrisy to be constantly characterizing evolution as "just a theory" while accepting it to just the extent required to account for the abundance of species in the wake of a supposed global flood, and carping that "no one has ever seen it happen" while assuming that dogs turned into coyotes and horses into zebras." <<<

This kwote appeerd in the blawg of a jennlmun who iz yoozhlee jinrully well-verst. But this tahm, he iz disappoyntin me. Not bec. he disagreez with hiz nemesis, them blastid varmints, the Creashniss, but rathr, bec. ah wooda ixpectid beddr outta him.

Whut happind, Sir? Iz ewe trooly az ignurnt az this kwote wood leed the reedr 2 beleev, or iz yew practissin disinjinyewussniss? Ahz referrin here ta yer conflatin applz n ornjiz, viz. micro-evolution vs. macro. (Evidintly ewe din't read mah poss, sevrull munss back, bowt the same taktik used by a writr from TIME magazine whin he wuz cuvrin the brouhaha in the Kansas skoolz.) Innybuddy who'z evn illimintrully fumilyer with the Creationiss' argyewmints iz awayer 'at they don in the LEESS deny horzonull evilooshn, kwite simply cuz it's been dimonstratid. Whut they DON iksepp iz verdikl evilooshn---aka Darwinizm---or the aksyomaddik doctrine 'at horzonull leedz ta verdikl.

Cuz nunna thass been proovn.

Muttrinz O the Myootneerz

Sum insomniak jiss wrote me a fryin email (in referns ta ma poss 2 intreez down) akyoozin me o straynin gnats. "I proceeded to google the citation and found that it was from a text written by the venerable Stephen Jay Gould. [Notice how he deferz to Gould ziff the man wuz sum sorda High Priest---or Pope, maybe even.] Pusillanimously, you carp about a picayune detail, all the while totally ignoring the core issue, viz. the fatuousness of Creationism." [He'z raht on the buttn bowt me bein puzzld. But ah had alreddy uhdmittid az much.]

Wayull, now, iffn ah wuz gonna iggzawstivlee grappl with the whole ishoo of Creationism (or ID) vs. Darwinizm, firss ov all, I'd havta opin up a whole new blog, 'n second, ah'd jiss be rehashin whuss alreddy out thar (not ta minshn 'at ah ain't kwalifahd ta pontifikayt on sech an awgust topik----ahz jiss a OzarxGranny who seez the Fingerprints o The Creator all ovr the yoonivers; ah truss mah kommun sinse, not the ardifishl sawfistreez o axe-grindin "scientists"). Az inneewun knowz who'z kepp up with mah blawg, ahz jiss a cantankruss commintatr who yewziz her blawg ta vint abowt tidbits here 'n thar, not summun who'z tryin ta win the Nobel Prize fer outstandin essayz. (Not ta minshn 'at summa mah blawg reedrz haz tole me they don read none o the hevvy-doody intreez bowt politix or Darwinizm that ah haz 'kayzhnullee postid.)

But jiss fer fun, ah askt the Perfessr ta liss fer me sum o the thangz't make him doobyuss 'bowt Darwinism, also called macro-evolooshn. Here'z whut he pervahdid (frum mah notes, so don go criticizn the Perfessr):

1. Micro-evolution has never been demonstrated to cause macro-evolution. (Ahz assoomin this meenz't fer iggzampl the vuryuus tahps o mice we haz kint nevr morph inta ellifunts.)

2. Evolution isn't creative; it merely creates stasis. (Nope, jis lahk a inflooinss kint be "thankful," ah dowt a nachrull process kin be creaydiv. Only summun pursnull kood be creaydiv.)

3. Natural Selection is a tautology. (This muss mean 'at Darwinizm is a doctrine tawt ovr 'n ovr, which ah haz indeed notisst: watch inny kahnda science TV program or read inny kahnda book 'bowt science or soshology or evn murrtl cownslin, 'n ewe git slathered with Darwinizm az a axyum. Iss jiss a givn. Iss lahk iss the Fundaminnl Fack o the Yoonivurs.)

4. The Fossil Problem. (Ah reckon them ole bonez'd be a problim, all raht. Ah know mahn iz.) He sed this includid the whole isshoo ov the Cambrian Ixplozhn (Wuz they mekkin bombz all the way back thin?) n tranzishnl innermeedyuts, n mass extinkshnz n myootashnz.

5. The Vertebrate Sequence.

6. The Molecular Evidence.

He sed wun o the bess books ta read on the subjick was Phil Johnson's DARWIN ON TRIAL. He sed 't Stephen Jay Gould wint buhllistik bowt that book. (Zat the "Gouldian Explozhn"?) He also refurrd me ta a liss o uhssumpshnz 'at Darwinists hol sakrid:

Assumpshn 1: That non-living things gave rise to living material, i.e. that spontaneous generation occurred. (Ain't that the stuff of Greek mythz? Lahk Veenuss poppin outta Zoosiz hayud.)

Assumpshn 2: That spontanyuss jinerashn only uhkurrd oncet.

Assumpshn 3: That viruses, bacteria, plants n critterz are all interrelatid.

Assumpshn 4: That the protozoa gave rise to the metazoa. (Zat whut cawzd the Cambreeyun Ixplozn?)

Assumpshn 5: That the various invertebrate phyla are interrelatid.

Assumpshn 6: That the invertebrates gave rise to the vertebrates. (More fyool fer that thar Cambreeyun Ixplozhn.)

Assumpshn 7: That the vertebrates and fish gave rise to the amphibia, the amphibia to the reptiles, and the reptiles to the birds and mammals. (Kintchoo jiss SEE a lizard turnin inta a turkey? Or a snekk inta a peacock? LMTO! Hayulp, ahz gonna die o stomick cramps!)

By their nature, the 7 assumptions are not capable of experimental verification.

Nuther wurdz, no maddr how hard ah try ta git mah lizzrd ta lay'n ayug 'at turnz inta a prize-winnin gobbler, ah ain't gonna suxeed. 'Ass a dissapointmint. Ah cooda yoozd the $$$ from winnin furss place at the Fair.

PS 2 the Prevyuss Poss

Sumpin ayuls 'bowt that sintince botherz me, too: obveeusslee, the awthr o that text mint that he wuz thankful 'at the influinss o that purtiklr set o ahdeez wuz shortlivd. But here's the rub: who's he thankful to?

Jiss wunnrin....

Puzzlin Anthropomorphkashn

Ah wuz puzzld bah this tidbit: "reached its acme of thankfully temporary influence." Since whin is influinss "thankful"? Ah dubble-checkt with the Perfessr 'bowt this (cuz us Ozark-folk ain't awleez shore 'bowt grammr-stuff, az ewe haz no dowt guesst frum ahr Anglish), and he knfurmd mah suspishnz: too many folk use "thankfully" the wrong way. He gimme a iggzampl of how it'd be keerektly yewzd: "Thankfully, the Katrina victims received the aid from private charities and from the gov't." Or, agin, "Thankfully, the destitute tornado victim moved into the temporary shelter."

Inneeway, the Perfessr said 'at that misyooss was an iggzampl of whut's called a danglin modifier. (Persnully, when I hear "danglin modifier," ah thank o thangz't hang offa certain hyoomunz, distinguishin them frum t'uthr side of hyoomaniddy; a karkiss 't sports one o thim thar dangler gidjits haz definitely been modified frum the more streamlahnd type o karkiss.) He said 'at moss o the tahm whin folk yooze "thankfully" the wrong way, they really shooda yoozd "fortunately" instayud.

(Footnote: Thankfully, ah don havta live with nobody whose smugniss is so thick, it blahndz'm ta evn the most elimintree roolza grammr).

A New Twist On the Magic Powder In "MidsummerNIght's Dream"

Ah need this sumpin FEERSS! Too bayud they din't cum up with it till now. Shavin 6 paltree yurz offa 104 don gimme much ov a uhdvannij! :(

http://www.gizmag.com/go/4159/