Blowin Smoke In Ahr Faciz

If iss true that murrij iz the latist RX fer depreshn, then pleez tell me why so minny wivez iz on trankwullizerz n anti-depressunts? N why thar'z so much divorce? N why ah'z bin depreshn-free since the minnit the Ole Man died?

Solve The Wurl'z Problimz

Ah'z headid fer a Nobel Prize: ah jiss figurrd owt how ta make the whole wurl one big yootopyer. Yew'z hurda that thar statement that "90% of what we worry about never happens." Awright, so furss, we needz sum kingkong-kuppacity kumpyooderz. Next, program'm to thank up millyunz n mullyunz of horrible thangz. Then, assign X number of them 'pyoodr-jinneratid scenarios to each 'n every ciddizin on the plannit ta wurry abowt, n vwalah! Only 10% o them scenarioz'll every mutturryullize.

Fergit Thim Uther Noshunz!

Here ah wuz wastin tahm tryin ta figgur owt how ta sell popsikklz 'n lipbalm frum mah still, when whut a shoulda dun eonz ago izzis (how do ah git me mah own kiln post haste?):

In a warehouse in Sarasota, Fla., a company called Gemesis is growing diamonds in two dozen or so high-pressure, high-temperature crystal growth chambers, each the size of a washing machine. Within each chamber, a tiny sliver of natural diamond is bathed in a molten solution of graphite and a proprietary metal-based catalyst at approximately 1,500 °C and 58,000 atm of pressure. Slowly, carbon precipitates onto the diamond seed crystal. A gem-quality, 2.8-carat rough yellow diamond grows in just under three-and-a-half days. (Article)

Whodda thunk't yew kin bekum yer own oyster (sorda)? Ah'z awl fumilyer with seedz in the grownd, so why not this kinda seed? N only 3.5 dayz!!!!! Oh, it mekks the ole bonez wanna do cartwheelz!