Strange Safe Deposit!

Ah just done gone run inta this here paintin and thank iss beeYOOOteeful. N funny too (that thar king playin horse with the Baby Jesus 'n all). But sumpin here puzzlz me ta no ind: them gold plates they'z wearin. Whatchoo mekka them? (N how do they keep'm ONNNN? The fella on the right is obviously fussin ta keep hiz frum fallin off.) Why would they be wearin gold plates? Wuzzat thur vuriashn o stashin all thur loot unner the mattriss?

Sam'n Ellie

Ah'z bin havin gizzurd problimz, so the Perfessr muttered sumpin bowt a ailmint cawld Sam'n Ellie. Sez it gits inta yer carcuss n reeks havick. But ah'z todully flummoxt: why in blue blaziz wood sum murried cuppl wanna camp owt in mah innurdz, n how in tarnation would they fit thru mah mouth---n without me nevr evn seein'm!-----much less, how'd they be able to hunker down in mah gizzurd? Ah mean, iss true ah feel purdy awrful, but thar ain't no buljiz or the feeling o totin huge rocks arown down thar.

Unless it wuz sum vurzhn o "Honey, ah shrunk the kids"?

Shot Thru With Holes

Them Globullists iz loozin it: whut, Englewood AGIN? N anuthr (spozzidly) disgrunnld yungun. Now, if this goes by the yoozhwull (by now hohum) scripp, nex thang yew'll hear frum the fambly 'n frinz iz, "this ain't the Matthew we knowd." (Oh, n btw, mekkin it a "Christian" homeschooled fella this time [thar wuz unuthr one, a sooeyside, sum time back, but he wuz seklur] iz dezigned ta knvay the messij---uhgin, fer the umpteenth time---"See, the violence virus is striking everywhere! You need SuperGovernment [totalitarianism] to protect you!")

Zzzzzzzz....Iss gittin effete.