Tellin It Like It Iz

Former Ass Party member Bernard Chapin echoes sum thangz ah'z touched on in this here blawg:

Just to participate in the ranks of the donkeyites, you have to automatically embrace multiculturalism and diversity as your secondary religions. Many liberals have made the pursuit of diversity a replacement for religion as religion mandates judging yourself and others. To them judgment is as outdated a concept as property owners alone voting.

Ghetto Jeremiah

Give this feller the Nobel Prize in Sociology! Ethnikly n innerlekshooly, he'z Tom Sowell'z twin:

[T]here is something truly unsettling and tragic about the fact that blacks have become the main agents in disseminating debilitating—dare I say racist—images of themselves. Rap guru Russell Simmons claims that “the coolest stuff about American culture—be it language, dress, or attitude—comes from the underclass. Always has and always will.” Yet back in the bad old days, blacks often complained—with some justification—that the media too often depicted blacks simply as uncivilized. Today, even as television and films depict blacks at all levels of success, hip-hop sends the message that blacks are . . . uncivilized. I find it striking that the cry-racism crowd doesn’t condemn it...

Far from decrying the stereotypes rampant in rap’s present-day blaxploitation, many hip-hop defenders pull the “whitey-does-it-too” trick. They point to the Godfather movies or The Sopranos as proof that violence and vulgarity are widespread in American popular culture, so that singling out hip-hop for condemnation is simply bigotry. Yet such a defense is pitifully weak. No one really looks for a way of life to emulate or a political project to adopt in The Sopranos. But for many of its advocates, hip-hop, with its fantasies of revolution and community and politics, is more than entertainment. It forms a bedrock of young black identity.

Mebbe She Wuz Right After All

Ah beleev if that thar Polish wummun ("From Bronco Back 2 Bovine") would clleck enough ardikklz lahk this in her defince, she might win her court case.

Dour Dumpies Will Be Personae Non Gratae

Yew'll recall that a few munss ago, ah postid bowt a "Happiness Crusade." Evidently, the meme haz infectid a lawmaker in Scotland, bec. they'z got whut's called a "Happiness Campaign," complete with a "happiness czar" (female: inny signifikince ta that choice?). Ah fownd a toochay response ta all this tomfoolery at a forum discussin the campaign:

I am quite sure the Scottish Executive will soon be setting up a Department of National Happiness with a Minister for Happiness, a number of junior ministers and an army of laughing and joking civil servants. Perhaps we will all have to have micro chips placed in every room in the house to measure on a laughometer the amount of laughing that we do per hour. Hefty fines can be imposed on those who don't laugh long or often enough, and imprisonment for any who fail to laugh at Jolly Jack's jokes. (Post # 21)

Takin It One Step Further

The manyfackshrerz o theze here candiez did a new twist on the last 2 wimminz' ackshnz (see the 2 prevyuss posts). Talk bowt "improvin" on a invinshn!

Simlar But Mistekkn

This here wummun musta rayud bowt that thar Polish gal ah jis wrote bowt, er mebbe they'z distuntly relatid, cuz the reeznin more er less seemz ta be along the same lahnz.

Kin yew majin leadin yer son 'n hiz frinz inta sumpin lahk that? Whut did Jesus say bowt that thar millstone?

From Bronco Back 2 Bovine

This here wummin solved her critter-problemz yoozin a todully unyoozhwull "herb." (Ah reckun mebbe ah cooda fixt the Ole Man'z curmudjunnyness the same way.)

Ah declayer ah kin't see where it mekks inny sinse ta keep cowz frum benefittin medikly frum that thar crop. After all, the pohr wummin warn't spicin' up her own pottage with it.

Straynin Gnats Award fer the day.

Another Wun Fer Mah GrannyHalloFame

This here wummun haz my kinda pluck.

Mene Tekel

Slowwly, ever so gradually, the frog iz gittin boiled...

Big Brother Is Shouting At You

Why Johnny Still Kin't Read

Evidintly, even in Oz, the buggery blight iz burnin away:

Sources said the students were told not to discuss the assignment with their parents and that it was to be kept in-class...

"This is another example of a politically-correct agenda masquerading as curriculum..."

Wayull, Ekwaliddy Iz Awl the Rage, Ainit?

'Manorexia' Is on the Rise

Whin ah seed that wurd, ah thawt it meant that either (a) more women was givin up men (lahk yew giv up smokin or fish fer Lent) or ayulse (b) more women was gittin annerexik frum trubblz with men. Turnz out, both o them guessiz iz all wrong.

Strainin Gnats Award 4 the Day

"Granny arrested over lost football."

Ah reckun she cood yooz a shootn ahrn er 2 o mine. Them innerloper "awthorteez" iz ferevr steppn outta bownz.

Hallerween "Show-n-Tell"

Looks like mebbe this here wummun listened ta wun too minny recordinz by the Grateful Dead:

Teacher Charged With Disturbing Corpse

ROCKY GAP, Va. (AP) - A high school science teacher is charged with breaking into a century-old funeral vault, handling the remains of a corpse, and taking photographs of two students holding the bones inside the crypt.

Authorities have charged Candace Longworth, 31, of Bastian, with a felony charge of disturbing and defiling a dead person from a place of burial and two misdemeanor counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The teenagers have been charged as juveniles.

Ah'z flummoxed: since whin duz dayud folk kwalify as crime victims? N how kin summun "disturb" a todully insensate karkuss? Izzis a case of "disturbin the peace" (as in RIP) er whut? Even more bizarre: a rottin skellytin iz abowt as defiled az yew kin get, yet if ewe tech it, yer guilty of "defilin" it? Ah'd thank it'd be the uthr way arown: yer pawz'd be defiled and liable ta git septicimia er sumpin.

Yew reckun mebbe this iz a iggzampl ov a hands-on field trip? Yoo know, "Necromancy 101"...

Bunglin Byoorercrat Boondawglz Kntinyoo

"CIA videos reveal the missed chances to kill Bin Laden." More reeznz why ah don trust none o them "awthorteez."

Ah Ain't Budgin

Bec. o mah posts bowt Muzlim cartoonz n sech, bec. ah ain't no Islamophile, wunna them Socio-Plitikl Turmites (aka "Librulz"/Leftists) was beratin me fer bein "racist" & "zeenofobik." Furss ov all, ah'z got dozzunz o zinniaz in my garden. Az fer the former charge, lemme jis kwote Jeff Jacoby, of the Boston Globe:

Earlier this year it was cartoons about Mohammed in a Danish newspaper. Last year it was a Newsweek report, later debunked, that a Koran had been desecrated by a US interrogator in Guantanamo. Before that it was Jerry Falwell's comment on "60 Minutes" that Mohammed was a "terrorist." Back in 1989 it was the publication of Salman Rushdie's satirical novel, "The Satanic Verses."

In every case, the pretext for the Muslim rage was the claim that Islam had been insulted. Freedom of speech was irrelevant: While the rioters and those inciting them routinely insult Christianity, Judaism, and other religions, they demand that no one be allowed to denigrate Islam or its prophet. It is a staggering double standard, and too many in the West seem willing to go along with it. Witness the editorials in US newspapers this week scolding the pope for his speech. Recall the State Department's condemnation of the Danish cartoons last winter.

Of course nobody's faith should be gratuitously affronted. But the real insult to Islam is not a line from a papal speech or a cartoon about Mohammed. It is the violence, terror, and bloodshed that Islamist fanatics unleash in the name of their religion -- and the unwillingness of most of the world's Muslims to say or do anything to stop them.

Ueberkinder

If yew wuz wunnrin where thangz like the Columbine shootinz cum from, here's yer answer:

"Every child in America entering school at the age of 5 is mentally ill because he comes to school with certain allegiances to our founding fathers, toward our elected officials, toward his parents, toward a belief in a supernatural being, and toward the sovereignty of this nation as a separate entity. It's up to you as teachers to make all these sick children well---by creating the international child of the future."

(From keynote address to the Association for Childhood Education International----Denver, April 1972---by Chester M. Pierce, Professor of Education and Psychiatry in the Faculty of Medicine at Harvard University. )

Boomerang Brainz

Mind Rewind: Brains Run in Reverse 'Ass nuthin noo fer a oldster lahk me: we'z alweez noticin 'at ahr braynz runz backwurdz.

Dung Under Pressure Makes Gas

Yew'll recall mah post sum muns urlyer bowt us bein pertinchull mobile gas plants. Well, them Japaneez iz tranzformin cow paddeez inta fyool. Also extractin vaniller (!!!) fer scentin candlz n perfyoom.

Ah'z thankin real hard: mah howse iz in the middl ov a cow field; how much yew reckun ah'd be abl ta git per pownd on them thar ole cow paddiez?

More Muzlim Pollyanna Bizniss

"We want respect for Muhammad restored and we want him to be described as the man he really was in history..." said Ahmed Akkari, spokesman for various Muslim associations.

Yew kin't restore whut nevr wuz thar ta buggin with. As fer the kinda man he wuz, wayull, ah'll be glad ta descrahb him fer yew: long story short, he wuz the Joseph Smith o the Middle East. He startid out by murryin a rich widder (15 yeerz older'n him), and then, later, he had all kinda wivez----not serially, neither. N jis like ole JS, Hammy claimed ta have "revelashnz," which in fact warn't nuthn more'n epleptik fits. 'Cordin ta Zwemer, "[Hammy] was false even to the ethical traditions of the idolatrous brigands among whom he lived, and grossly violated the easy sexual morality of his own system."

This Ain't No Crock

Croc-wrestling granny wins Australia bravery award

Sydney Police Go on Urban Crocodile Hunt---they awtta jis hire 'at granny!

Formidubbl Formix

Study: Ants Store Up Fat for Lean Times ??? Haz yew evr seed a fat ant? (Wayull, maybe them Queen Ants when they'z with child.) But here's the bess part: "They can pass the fat through oral secretions to other members of their colony or through unfertilized eggs when needed."

Majin that! Ah reckun if yoomunz had this cuppacity, it'd put anerexyer outta bizniss.

Foley's Follies

Tempest on The Hill bowt Foley's emailz ta them pagiz. Egreejuss indeed. But not suprahzin. After all, it stardid with BillyBoy'z escapades. N continued with hiz militurry policy of "don ask, don tell."

The real issue here iz: WHEN will this society's leaderz start gittin az tuff on sodummy az they iz on smokin? When will they stop strainin gnats 'n swallerin camelz? Buggery'z a much more danjruss public health & safety threat than the kumparativly innokyoouss vice o smokin.

As Senator Santorum statid: "If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does." [imfasis mahn]

Glad Ah Don Live THAR!!!

"Manglish" iz the mishmash idjum ov Mlayzha. Iss a mix tween English, Bahasa n uthr dahlex. Wayull frum now on, iffn yew talk that? Yew's gittn FAHNED!! Majin that! Skriminatin ginst the folk-tongue of the land. Talk bowt bigguttid!

So ah'z wunnrin, jis how do they perpoze ta inforce this law? Iz they gonna hav a whole army of skoolmarmz pepprin the popyoolashn? Er iz they gonna install Orwellyun mikerfone bugz in everbuddy'z teeth?

Ah reckun this'd be speshly harsh on pohr folk: they don hav the vannijiz ov edjookashn, plus they ain't got no $$$.

Mekks me gladder'n evr ah'z a Ozark hillbilly.

Talk Bowt Jingoizm!

In a ardikkl where he pollerjiziz fer ever havin supportid the Iraq War, John Derbyshire writes: George W. Bush believes that, to borrow and adjust a line from the Colonel in Full Metal Jacket: “Inside every Middle East Muslim there is an American trying to get out.”

This Bustid Mah Oppuhzishn

Ah alweez thawt that wimmin who got balkerny enlarjmints wuz crazy, first, cuz 'ass jis vaniddy, but evn more, cuzza the hayulth risks.

Wayull, ah recant: here's proof that that thar perceedjer kin akshly be not jis figure-enhancin but downright life-savin. (Frum now on, whiniver ah wanna git a good abs wurkowt, all ah hazta do iz thank bowt the lass line, "However they are not as safe as...")

Amish Shootinz

"I don't think there's anybody here that wants to do anything but forgive," said Jack Meyer, a member of the Brethren community..."We think it was God's plan," said Sam Stoltzfuss, 63, an Amish woodworker who lives a few miles away from the shooting scene.

Iss certnly troo that fergivniss iz a major theme in God's skeem o thangz, but it ain't jis a blanket fergivniss that in effeck givz carte-blanche ta folk like Roberts. Noddice what Jesus sez in LUKE 17:3: "Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him." Now lookit the middle o that sayin. It sez "rebuke him." It don say, "Speak all manner o sugary molassiz bowt him." Next, it lists a cndishn fer fergiveniss. Two li'l ledderzzat cntayn dynamite: **IF**.

Az fer God'z planz: furss, obviously, Mr. Stoltzfuss iz tryin ta mekk sinse outta sumpin that haz cawzd hiz peacefl Amish yoonivers ta reel. He'z tryin ta put tagethr the pieciz after a Cosmik Tornader tore inta the wholesome balance o AmishLand. We won cavl with him pursnully (we wish we cood cradle hiz heart like a newborn).

But objektivly speekin, the trooth kin't jiss be submerjd fer the sake o emoshnz. Tho iss certnly troo that God cntrols all thangz n that nuthin'z outside Hiz power, that ain't the same as sayin He's responsibl fer evil. Obviously, He allowz evil to uhkkur (been doin so fer millenia): az ROMANS 9 sez, "What if God... has endured with much patience the vessels of wrath made for destruction..." N He kin certnly tekk evil n yooz it fer Hiz perfick porpussiz (stellar iggzampl: The Crucifixion). But indoorin sumpin ain't by far anywhere near the same thang az plannin er exekyootin it.

Less not let our thankin slide inta Gnawsticizm: less not confyooz The Eternal Holy One with the condemmd Cleschull Executor of Evil.