"Utah Women Sue Religious Group for Fraud"----SALT LAKE CITY - Two women claim they were bilked out of their life savings by an apocalyptic religious group that promised them land and a face-to-face meeting with Jesus Christ."
Gittin bilkt iz sad, but at the same tahm, ass the moss UHBZURD thang ah'z evr hurd! Furss ov all, them wimmin obveeusslee hain't bothrd reedn thur Biblz, cuz if they had, they'da rockitid t'uther way frum inneebodee who promissiz a "face-to-face meeting with Jesus Christ." N they'da smellt a rat, too, bowt the apoklyptik bizniss.
As evr, the WORD keeps us in the trooth: "We walk by faith, not by sight...Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed..."And though you have not seen Him, yet you love Him..."
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Leftist Chimeras
Amongst Lefties, the fatuous notion circulates that America is heading for a "Fundamentalist State." Heavens! The Taliban at your doorstep!
ROTFL! As usual with Leftists, their typhlosis needs fixing (or is it their cerebrum?). Consider the facts: for 40 years, all the channels of influence, all the organs of significant power have been monopolized by the Left. TV, the music industry, newspapers, publishing houses, education, Hollywood, the judiciary---- in these crucial areas of cultural domination, conservatives are personae non gratae.
ROTFL! As usual with Leftists, their typhlosis needs fixing (or is it their cerebrum?). Consider the facts: for 40 years, all the channels of influence, all the organs of significant power have been monopolized by the Left. TV, the music industry, newspapers, publishing houses, education, Hollywood, the judiciary---- in these crucial areas of cultural domination, conservatives are personae non gratae.
As for the church as an institution, the conservative churches are not The Establishment. "Mainstream" denominations (Episcopalian, Presbyterian USA, Methodist, UCC, et al) all play footsies with the Leftist agenda. They eat out of their hands.
If anything, we are headed for a grotesque world religion, one that would inspire kudos 'n cartwheels from the Leftists, but which would liquidate biblical Christians as "hate-mongers."
Don't believe it? Check out the URI. (SK)
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
That Pesky Word
Summun wuz tellin me they'z fed up with the kumeelyun kwalidee of the wurd "faith." Challinjd me ta mekk it kleer.
Wayull. Ass a tall ordr, but lemme giv it a try (rmimbr ah'z jis a laywummun, not no simineeri stoont).
Furss, faith AIN'T the same'z sooprstishn. N it ain't wishfl thankin. N it don meen bleevn inneethang't tikklz yer ego er yer eerz (run frum that pizzn lahk a deer stung by a rattlr!!!). N it ain't IRrashnl, but rathr SUPRA-rashnl (ass frum the Perfessr, dontchoo know). The Great Commandmint tellz yew ta luv the LORD yer God with all yer **MIND.** Yew don shelv yer mahnd whin yew cum ta God (aftr all, He giv yew 'at tool n He don wan it ta russ out!) Faith n reezn iz buddiez, not innimeez. Butchoo gotta know how ta yooz'm 'at way (thar'z folk who igzawlt reezn n scorn faith, n thin thar'z folk [not jis Chrischunz] who igzawlt faith 'n scorn the mahnd; neethr ov thim ixtreemz iz biblikl).
2nd, faith in the biblkl sinss (the kahnda faith He'd hav us exerssahz) leenz on Hiz WORD; it don go by varyuss fanceez ov yer own imajinashn er hankrinz. It tests everthang by the sum-todl ov Hiz WORD (which meenz yew gotta be well-verst [ass a pun, git it? :)] in 'at Book); "duzziss teechin/flosuffee/opinyun/exc. skware with His WORD?"
3rd, faith ain't merely mintl ussint: fer igzampl, whin the WORD callz on folk ta put thur faith in Christ, it meenz todl truss n todl ulleejunss. It don meen simply uhgreein 'at Jezus wuz the Son o God in the same way ewe might "beleev" 'at Jorj Washingtun wuz the furss prezzidint of the U.S. or 'at Linkun freed thim slavez.
"Faith" kin also refer ta the body o Chrischun teechinz.
Wayull. Ass a tall ordr, but lemme giv it a try (rmimbr ah'z jis a laywummun, not no simineeri stoont).
Furss, faith AIN'T the same'z sooprstishn. N it ain't wishfl thankin. N it don meen bleevn inneethang't tikklz yer ego er yer eerz (run frum that pizzn lahk a deer stung by a rattlr!!!). N it ain't IRrashnl, but rathr SUPRA-rashnl (ass frum the Perfessr, dontchoo know). The Great Commandmint tellz yew ta luv the LORD yer God with all yer **MIND.** Yew don shelv yer mahnd whin yew cum ta God (aftr all, He giv yew 'at tool n He don wan it ta russ out!) Faith n reezn iz buddiez, not innimeez. Butchoo gotta know how ta yooz'm 'at way (thar'z folk who igzawlt reezn n scorn faith, n thin thar'z folk [not jis Chrischunz] who igzawlt faith 'n scorn the mahnd; neethr ov thim ixtreemz iz biblikl).
2nd, faith in the biblkl sinss (the kahnda faith He'd hav us exerssahz) leenz on Hiz WORD; it don go by varyuss fanceez ov yer own imajinashn er hankrinz. It tests everthang by the sum-todl ov Hiz WORD (which meenz yew gotta be well-verst [ass a pun, git it? :)] in 'at Book); "duzziss teechin/flosuffee/opinyun/exc. skware with His WORD?"
3rd, faith ain't merely mintl ussint: fer igzampl, whin the WORD callz on folk ta put thur faith in Christ, it meenz todl truss n todl ulleejunss. It don meen simply uhgreein 'at Jezus wuz the Son o God in the same way ewe might "beleev" 'at Jorj Washingtun wuz the furss prezzidint of the U.S. or 'at Linkun freed thim slavez.
"Faith" kin also refer ta the body o Chrischun teechinz.
Chanjin Collurz Don't Chanj Innardz
Ah run acrosst this sintince in a ardikkl bowt that abominayshn calld Earth Day: "Lately, environmental groups have been fighting to hold on to the gains of the 1970s and 1980s, but the battles have not been resonating with the voting public."
Ass cuz the invirnmintliss iz fanatix in thur own right. It almoss seemz lahk aftr Commyoonizm croakt, the Redz tradid thur shirts fer green unz. Iss lahk mah storee bowt Mr. Wolf: ewe kin chanj yer exteryer, butcher inteeryer stayz the same.
Too bad 'at folk din't start wakin up bowt all the garbij till the harm'd bin dun.
Ass cuz the invirnmintliss iz fanatix in thur own right. It almoss seemz lahk aftr Commyoonizm croakt, the Redz tradid thur shirts fer green unz. Iss lahk mah storee bowt Mr. Wolf: ewe kin chanj yer exteryer, butcher inteeryer stayz the same.
Too bad 'at folk din't start wakin up bowt all the garbij till the harm'd bin dun.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
More Langwij Trix
No dowt, mah reedrz haz offn hurd the turm, "modrutt Rpublikn." Iss wun o the mainsilt medya'z favrt lablz. It sownz so "reeznubbl." The implicashn bein 'at the "uthr" type o Rpublikn iz a rabid 'n unreeznubbl funaddik---nuthn short ov a Talibanite, Amurrkn style.
Hmmmnnn, thass intreegin. Why don we evr heer, fer igzampl, o "modrut Democrats"? Wayull, donchoo know, cuz [implize the mainsilt meedya] all Dimmercrats iz reeznubbl n hyoomane folk. "Modrutt" Dimmircrat'd be a tawtawlujee. (Nevr mahnd thatchoo kint buhgin ta kmpare, say, a Ted Kennedy with a Zell Miller.)
Ah say, call a spade a spade: "modrut" Rpubliknz awtta beddr be calld sumpin lahk "wannabe Dimmercrats" or "clozzit Dimmercrats" or "Dimmercrat molez." THEM'd be truly objectiv diskripshnz.
Hmmmnnn, thass intreegin. Why don we evr heer, fer igzampl, o "modrut Democrats"? Wayull, donchoo know, cuz [implize the mainsilt meedya] all Dimmercrats iz reeznubbl n hyoomane folk. "Modrutt" Dimmircrat'd be a tawtawlujee. (Nevr mahnd thatchoo kint buhgin ta kmpare, say, a Ted Kennedy with a Zell Miller.)
Ah say, call a spade a spade: "modrut" Rpubliknz awtta beddr be calld sumpin lahk "wannabe Dimmercrats" or "clozzit Dimmercrats" or "Dimmercrat molez." THEM'd be truly objectiv diskripshnz.
The Clinchr
This iz Part 3 ov mah mini-seereez ixpozn the Redukshnist Uhginda (kwote frum Phil Johnson):
"The Darwinist strategy depends upon a certain blurring of the issues [see mah poss "Them Distortrz"], and in particular upon maintaining the fiction that what is being promoted is an inoffensive "fact of evolution," which is opposed only by a discredited minority of religious fanatics. As the Darwinists move out to convert the nation's school children to a naturalistic outlook, it may become more and more difficult to conceal the religious implications of their system. Plenty of people within the Darwinist camp know what is being concealed, and cannot be relied upon to maintain a discreet silence. William Provine, for example, has been on a crusade to persuade the public that it has to discard either Darwinism or God, and not only God but also such non-materialistic concepts as free will and objective standards of morality. Provine offers this choice in the serene confidence that the biologists have enough evidence to persuade the public to choose Darwinism, and to accept its philosophical consequences. "
"The Darwinist strategy depends upon a certain blurring of the issues [see mah poss "Them Distortrz"], and in particular upon maintaining the fiction that what is being promoted is an inoffensive "fact of evolution," which is opposed only by a discredited minority of religious fanatics. As the Darwinists move out to convert the nation's school children to a naturalistic outlook, it may become more and more difficult to conceal the religious implications of their system. Plenty of people within the Darwinist camp know what is being concealed, and cannot be relied upon to maintain a discreet silence. William Provine, for example, has been on a crusade to persuade the public that it has to discard either Darwinism or God, and not only God but also such non-materialistic concepts as free will and objective standards of morality. Provine offers this choice in the serene confidence that the biologists have enough evidence to persuade the public to choose Darwinism, and to accept its philosophical consequences. "
Less Git A Fyoo Thangz Straight, Part 2
More frum ahr good frin, the Berkeley Perfessr Phil Johnson:
"The second strategy is to take advantage of the prestige that science enjoys in an age of technology, by asserting that anyone who disputes Darwinism must be an enemy of science, and hence of rationality itself. This argument gains a certain plausibility from the fact that Darwinism is not the only area within the vast realm of science where such practices as extravagant extrapolation, arbitrary assumptions, and metaphysical speculation have been tolerated. The history of scientific efforts to explain human behavior provides many examples, and some aspects of cosmology, such as its Anthropic Principle, invite the label "cosmo-theology." What makes the strategy effective, however, is not the association of Darwinism with the more speculative aspects of cosmology, but its purported link with technology. Donald Johanson put the point effectively, if crudely: "You can't accept one part of science because it brings you good things like electricity and penicillin and throw away another part because it brings you some things you don't like about the origin of life."
But why can't you do exactly that? That scientists can learn a good deal about the behavior of electrons and bacteria does not prove that they know how electrons or bacteria came into existence in the first place. It is also possible that contemporary scientists are insightful upon some matters and, like their predecessors, thoroughly confused about others. Twentieth century experience demonstrates that scientific technology can work wonders, of course. It also demonstrates that dubious doctrines based upon philosophy can achieve an undeserved respectability by cloaking themselves in the mystique of science. Whether Darwinism is another example of pseudoscience is the question, and this question cannot be answered by a vague appeal to the authority of science."
"The second strategy is to take advantage of the prestige that science enjoys in an age of technology, by asserting that anyone who disputes Darwinism must be an enemy of science, and hence of rationality itself. This argument gains a certain plausibility from the fact that Darwinism is not the only area within the vast realm of science where such practices as extravagant extrapolation, arbitrary assumptions, and metaphysical speculation have been tolerated. The history of scientific efforts to explain human behavior provides many examples, and some aspects of cosmology, such as its Anthropic Principle, invite the label "cosmo-theology." What makes the strategy effective, however, is not the association of Darwinism with the more speculative aspects of cosmology, but its purported link with technology. Donald Johanson put the point effectively, if crudely: "You can't accept one part of science because it brings you good things like electricity and penicillin and throw away another part because it brings you some things you don't like about the origin of life."
But why can't you do exactly that? That scientists can learn a good deal about the behavior of electrons and bacteria does not prove that they know how electrons or bacteria came into existence in the first place. It is also possible that contemporary scientists are insightful upon some matters and, like their predecessors, thoroughly confused about others. Twentieth century experience demonstrates that scientific technology can work wonders, of course. It also demonstrates that dubious doctrines based upon philosophy can achieve an undeserved respectability by cloaking themselves in the mystique of science. Whether Darwinism is another example of pseudoscience is the question, and this question cannot be answered by a vague appeal to the authority of science."
Less Git a Fyoo Thangz Straight, Part 1
Thar'z science, which iz lejit, n thin thar'z scientizm, the igzaltashn ov muhturyulizm/nachrulizm. The perfessr giv me sum good mutturyul frum Phil Johnson 'at ah wanna poss here:
"Scientism itself is not a fact, however, nor is it attractive as a philosophy once its elements and consequences are made explicit. Persons who want naturalistic evolution to be accepted as unquestioned fact must therefore use their cultural authority to enact rules of discourse that protect the purported fact from the attacks of unbelievers. First, they can identify science with naturalism, which means that they insist as a matter of first principle that no consideration whatever be given to the possibility that mind or spirit preceded matter. Second, they can impose a rule of procedure that disqualifies purely negative argument, so that a theory which obtains some very modest degree of empirical support can become immune to disproof until and unless it is supplanted by a better naturalistic theory. With these rules in place, Darwinists can claim to have proved that natural selection crafted moths, trees, and people, and point to the peppered-moth observation as proof.
The assumption of naturalism is in the realm of speculative philosophy, and the rule against negative argument is arbitrary. It is as if a judge were to tell a defendant that he may not establish his innocence unless he can produce a suitable substitute to be charged with the crime. Such vulnerable rules of discourse need protection from criticism, and two distinct rhetorical strategies have been pursued to provide it. First, we have already seen that the direct conflict between Darwinism and theism has been blurred, so that theists who are not committed to biblical inerrancy are led to believe that they have no reason to be suspicious of Darwinism. The remaining objectors can be marginalized as fundamentalists, whose purportedly scientific objections need not be taken seriously because "everybody knows" that people like that will believe, and say, anything." [Ta be kntinyood in nex poss]
"Scientism itself is not a fact, however, nor is it attractive as a philosophy once its elements and consequences are made explicit. Persons who want naturalistic evolution to be accepted as unquestioned fact must therefore use their cultural authority to enact rules of discourse that protect the purported fact from the attacks of unbelievers. First, they can identify science with naturalism, which means that they insist as a matter of first principle that no consideration whatever be given to the possibility that mind or spirit preceded matter. Second, they can impose a rule of procedure that disqualifies purely negative argument, so that a theory which obtains some very modest degree of empirical support can become immune to disproof until and unless it is supplanted by a better naturalistic theory. With these rules in place, Darwinists can claim to have proved that natural selection crafted moths, trees, and people, and point to the peppered-moth observation as proof.
The assumption of naturalism is in the realm of speculative philosophy, and the rule against negative argument is arbitrary. It is as if a judge were to tell a defendant that he may not establish his innocence unless he can produce a suitable substitute to be charged with the crime. Such vulnerable rules of discourse need protection from criticism, and two distinct rhetorical strategies have been pursued to provide it. First, we have already seen that the direct conflict between Darwinism and theism has been blurred, so that theists who are not committed to biblical inerrancy are led to believe that they have no reason to be suspicious of Darwinism. The remaining objectors can be marginalized as fundamentalists, whose purportedly scientific objections need not be taken seriously because "everybody knows" that people like that will believe, and say, anything." [Ta be kntinyood in nex poss]
More Orwell---YYYYYYYYYIKES!!!!!
"Microsoft says PC users drowning in info - Breaking - http://www ... " The skeeryess purruhgraff wuz snuck inta that thar harmliss-sowndin ardikkl: Bill Gates describd "button-sized computers of the future that could be worn on a shirt and equipped with cameras and other sensors to record all a person's movements, activities and conversations."
Duzzat give ewe the creeps er WHUT??? Ah thawt B.B. spyin on yew thru yer 'pyootr wuz bad, but this iz 100x more awrfl!!!! Iss evn wurs'n 'at li'l chip't they kn implant unnr yer skin.
Ahz sed it afor, n iss wurth rpeetn: ah shore iz glad ah ain't gonna be arown much longr, cuz it looks ta me lahk thangz iz almoss gonna be more deemonik here than in thur home base in the Nethr Rejnz.
Duzzat give ewe the creeps er WHUT??? Ah thawt B.B. spyin on yew thru yer 'pyootr wuz bad, but this iz 100x more awrfl!!!! Iss evn wurs'n 'at li'l chip't they kn implant unnr yer skin.
Ahz sed it afor, n iss wurth rpeetn: ah shore iz glad ah ain't gonna be arown much longr, cuz it looks ta me lahk thangz iz almoss gonna be more deemonik here than in thur home base in the Nethr Rejnz.
Yew Thank They Got Thur Idee Frum Them Buffloz?
"Planet Ark : Forget Bull in a China Shop, Try Elephant in Diner!" ROTFL!!
"Six elephants escaped from a zoo and roamed around the South Korean capital Wednesday, briefly crashing their way into a restaurant before being rounded up, police and zoo officials said."
Tahrda bein knfahnd, cridderz iz gittin ressluss; they'z hollrin fer sum innertaynmint er travul ov thur own. This iz thur way o gittn it.
"Six elephants escaped from a zoo and roamed around the South Korean capital Wednesday, briefly crashing their way into a restaurant before being rounded up, police and zoo officials said."
Tahrda bein knfahnd, cridderz iz gittin ressluss; they'z hollrin fer sum innertaynmint er travul ov thur own. This iz thur way o gittn it.
Them Distortrz Iz At It Agin!
"ABC News: Kansas Board Taking Up Evolution Debate "
Furss disinfo in the arddikl: "Students in Lisa Volland's advanced biology class examine flowers, lemons and corn under the microscope, pondering how the plants evolved over time to improve their chances of survival." None o the purrnts in Kanziz who'z aginst the teechin o Darwinizm wood ban this partiklr kahnda teechin. This form o "evolooshn" iz the horzonul kahnd, which haz been obsrvd (n provn bah folk lahk Mindl). Not evn the moss adamunt creashnist'd deny this form o "evolooshn."
Na, nodiss hah the jurnlist agin misleedz the reedr here: "Evolution says species change in response to environmental and genetic factors over the course of many generations. Intelligent design — viewed by many [redukshnist] scientists as merely repackaged creationism — holds there is evidence that the universe was designed by some kind of higher power." Didjoo ketch the switch thar? Applz 'n ornjuz! Iss thur favrit trick: the furss sintinss iz talkin bowt nuthin mor'n chanj **WITHIN** spesseez, the abuv-minshnd horzonul "evolooshn"; the second sintinss, on t'uthr han, iz alludn ta the teechn of the Darwinists 'at everthang jis got here by chance n nachrul slekshn. Ass whut's calld "verdikl" evolooshn, n 'at wun'z nevr bin seen, nor kin it be dimnstratid in a lab. Iss nuthn but a theeree, a modl, a paradigm. [Note frum the Perfessr: "The leap from horizontal to vertical is an illegitimate extrapolation." Ah coonta sed it beddr.]
Not only iz this ardikl desseptiv, iss a insult ta the reedr.
Furss disinfo in the arddikl: "Students in Lisa Volland's advanced biology class examine flowers, lemons and corn under the microscope, pondering how the plants evolved over time to improve their chances of survival." None o the purrnts in Kanziz who'z aginst the teechin o Darwinizm wood ban this partiklr kahnda teechin. This form o "evolooshn" iz the horzonul kahnd, which haz been obsrvd (n provn bah folk lahk Mindl). Not evn the moss adamunt creashnist'd deny this form o "evolooshn."
Na, nodiss hah the jurnlist agin misleedz the reedr here: "Evolution says species change in response to environmental and genetic factors over the course of many generations. Intelligent design — viewed by many [redukshnist] scientists as merely repackaged creationism — holds there is evidence that the universe was designed by some kind of higher power." Didjoo ketch the switch thar? Applz 'n ornjuz! Iss thur favrit trick: the furss sintinss iz talkin bowt nuthin mor'n chanj **WITHIN** spesseez, the abuv-minshnd horzonul "evolooshn"; the second sintinss, on t'uthr han, iz alludn ta the teechn of the Darwinists 'at everthang jis got here by chance n nachrul slekshn. Ass whut's calld "verdikl" evolooshn, n 'at wun'z nevr bin seen, nor kin it be dimnstratid in a lab. Iss nuthn but a theeree, a modl, a paradigm. [Note frum the Perfessr: "The leap from horizontal to vertical is an illegitimate extrapolation." Ah coonta sed it beddr.]
Not only iz this ardikl desseptiv, iss a insult ta the reedr.
Orwellyun Kamruhz Vs. Emboozmmints
"Four More Casino Surveillance Operators Accused Of Ogling"
"The hidden cameras are required by law in New Jersey casinos to deter and prosecute theft, embezzlement, cheating and other crimes...incidents involving two camera operators who trained their in-ceiling cameras on low-cut blouses and revealing clothing."
Ah rekkn them thar opraytrz wuz thankin 'at them wimmin wuz yoozn that arya ta hide cardz er whudevr---leesswayz, 'at's how they'd problee rashnulahz thur akshnz.
Mebbe the slooshn iz ta train camruhz on the camruh opraydrz. Az in kntrolln the kntrollrz...
"The hidden cameras are required by law in New Jersey casinos to deter and prosecute theft, embezzlement, cheating and other crimes...incidents involving two camera operators who trained their in-ceiling cameras on low-cut blouses and revealing clothing."
Ah rekkn them thar opraytrz wuz thankin 'at them wimmin wuz yoozn that arya ta hide cardz er whudevr---leesswayz, 'at's how they'd problee rashnulahz thur akshnz.
Mebbe the slooshn iz ta train camruhz on the camruh opraydrz. Az in kntrolln the kntrollrz...
More Bowt the Powr o Wurdz
"WJLA - What's in a Title for a Corpse Artist? " This feller wurks in the FRG but has his anatomist dugree from Chiner, where they call him perfessr. Wayull, the Krauts----the wurl'z n histree'z arch-byoorerkrats---the Krauts tole him he had ta foller hiz name with "VRC" (VolksRepublikChina), ta indicate he dint git hiz perfessrship frum Jurmunnee. Maddr o fack, they fahnd him $187,142! Kin ewe majn makn sech a ta-doo 'bout 3 teensee li'l leddrz? Ah thank 'at's this week's blue ribbn igzampl ov straynin nats 'n swallrin camulz.
It rmahnz me a lot o mah storee frum t'uthr day bowt the Wolf.
It rmahnz me a lot o mah storee frum t'uthr day bowt the Wolf.
Unlikely Meetn Place
ABC 7 News - Herd of Buffalo Corralled on Tennis CourtAh jis thank this iz TOOOOO hylaryuss! They usskaypt frum sum farm. Yoo thank they wuz askin fer sum more vrietee in exerssahz? :)
Strange Stuff In His Noggin!
"Doctors remove 50 maggots from man's ears " That pohhhhhr ole man (he'z 84)!!!! Fliez had the BRASS ta lay eggz in hiz eerz!
Na, jis wait, the Injn PETA'll be affter his heynie fer killin off innerssint li'l maggits! Aftr all, 'ccordn ta Reinkarnayshn, it mighta been folks' granpurrnts er sumpin!
N yet thar'z still folk out thar who claymzzat thar ain't no sech thang az a false rlijn...
Na, jis wait, the Injn PETA'll be affter his heynie fer killin off innerssint li'l maggits! Aftr all, 'ccordn ta Reinkarnayshn, it mighta been folks' granpurrnts er sumpin!
N yet thar'z still folk out thar who claymzzat thar ain't no sech thang az a false rlijn...
Whusszat?
Ah wuz reedin the nooz 'n run acrosst this sintinss (refurrn ta Martha Stoowurt): "...awards for her eponymous magazines." WHUT in blaziz iz "eponimuss"? Sumpin rladid ta hippoz? Ah kint evn perNOWNSSzat wurd!
[Later] Awright, ah lookt it up. "Vera" haz bottomluss---no, wait: e-p-o-n-y-m-o-u-s---scarvz; n Chanel haz eponneemuss (ah jis kint git it raht!) purfyoomz; n Dior haz eponneemuss kozmeddix; n Levi haz ep... britchiz; n Liz Claybrn haz ep... togz.
Ahz reel prowd: ah dun larnd me anuthr wun o thim millyun dollr wurdz; ah kin tosszat owt nex tahm summun trahzta insult me: "Shut yer eponneemuss trap!" Or, "If'n ewe don git off mah properdee, ahza gonna blastchoo with mah eponneemuss shootin ahrn!" (They'z gonna thank 'at's sumpin lahk a buzooka, n they'll be flyyyyyin off mah lan!)
Heh, heh, heh! Wurdz haz powr, all right!
[Later] Awright, ah lookt it up. "Vera" haz bottomluss---no, wait: e-p-o-n-y-m-o-u-s---scarvz; n Chanel haz eponneemuss (ah jis kint git it raht!) purfyoomz; n Dior haz eponneemuss kozmeddix; n Levi haz ep... britchiz; n Liz Claybrn haz ep... togz.
Ahz reel prowd: ah dun larnd me anuthr wun o thim millyun dollr wurdz; ah kin tosszat owt nex tahm summun trahzta insult me: "Shut yer eponneemuss trap!" Or, "If'n ewe don git off mah properdee, ahza gonna blastchoo with mah eponneemuss shootin ahrn!" (They'z gonna thank 'at's sumpin lahk a buzooka, n they'll be flyyyyyin off mah lan!)
Heh, heh, heh! Wurdz haz powr, all right!
This Iz Whah Ah Onlee Tekk Showrz
"ABC 7 News - Va. Woman Gets Stuck in Bathtub for 5 Days" Kin ewe majn that???? The hayulpliss wummin coon't hoist her karkiss up outta thar aftr she'd finisht soakin her pohr, sore tailbown.
What wood SHE'v dun if'n a burglr had broke inta HER howse durin 'at tahm? (Mebbe she'da sed, "Yew kin hav whudevr ewe want, long'z ewe hepp me outta this here tub!" On 2nd thawt, mebbe he'da bin so shockt at the bodee in the bath 'at he'da shot right out the door!)
What wood SHE'v dun if'n a burglr had broke inta HER howse durin 'at tahm? (Mebbe she'da sed, "Yew kin hav whudevr ewe want, long'z ewe hepp me outta this here tub!" On 2nd thawt, mebbe he'da bin so shockt at the bodee in the bath 'at he'da shot right out the door!)
More Feisty Wimmin Lahk Me'n The BobCat Ladee
"Grandma Stops Intruder With Garden Gnome"
"Great-great-grandmother shoots robber"
Ah haz a idee fer solvin the crahm problim in this here lan: put me 'n them 2 wimmin n Granny BobCat (see mah urlyer poss) in charja the joodishree 'n the powleess. We'd git everthang ship-shape in no tahm. No more o this wimpy coddlin o crimnulz: we'd let'm hav it 'n they'd all be so skeerd, they'd stop thur actin up!
Iss onlee cuz we got a buncha spahnliss Librull malez in powr all ovr 'at the crahm problim haz gottn faddr'n a bloatid tic.
"Great-great-grandmother shoots robber"
Ah haz a idee fer solvin the crahm problim in this here lan: put me 'n them 2 wimmin n Granny BobCat (see mah urlyer poss) in charja the joodishree 'n the powleess. We'd git everthang ship-shape in no tahm. No more o this wimpy coddlin o crimnulz: we'd let'm hav it 'n they'd all be so skeerd, they'd stop thur actin up!
Iss onlee cuz we got a buncha spahnliss Librull malez in powr all ovr 'at the crahm problim haz gottn faddr'n a bloatid tic.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Ah Cood Cry Buckits n Buckits Bowt This!
"21/9/2003 -- Worries rise as wetlands sink on Louisiana coast" and "Lost Louisiana N it's all cuz o man's misdoinz!
A rezzidint who ain't evn 40 sumz up mah own feelinz bowt whur ah livz: "For us, there is no other place. The land is who we are. It's our way of life."
A rezzidint who ain't evn 40 sumz up mah own feelinz bowt whur ah livz: "For us, there is no other place. The land is who we are. It's our way of life."
T'Uthr Extreem Frum Them Byoorercrats in Turin
"Zoo Tries To Get Chimp To Kick the Habit"
"A South African zoo wants a chimpanzee to quit smoking cold turkey [pardn the pun, LOL!]. Keepers say Charlie the chimpanzee picked up the habit from visitors at the Bloemfontein Zoo who sometimes toss him cigarettes."
Now, woontchoo thank't them zookeeprz'd ("keepr" meenz pertektr 'n purzurvr, aftr all!) mekk it a crahm fer folk ta do that? Iss a maddr o pervahdn ssigrets ta mahnerz, fer cryin owtlowd!
Ah guess S. Afurca hain't yet bin infectid bah the PETA plague.
"A South African zoo wants a chimpanzee to quit smoking cold turkey [pardn the pun, LOL!]. Keepers say Charlie the chimpanzee picked up the habit from visitors at the Bloemfontein Zoo who sometimes toss him cigarettes."
Now, woontchoo thank't them zookeeprz'd ("keepr" meenz pertektr 'n purzurvr, aftr all!) mekk it a crahm fer folk ta do that? Iss a maddr o pervahdn ssigrets ta mahnerz, fer cryin owtlowd!
Ah guess S. Afurca hain't yet bin infectid bah the PETA plague.
More Bout Them Fassinatin Sawsij Skinz--ROTFL!!!
Yew folk out thar knowz frum mah profile 'at ahz a needlwummun. But minnee moonz ago, ah also yoozdta weev. So yoo kin majn how this cawt mah uhtinshn:
"The Indian city of Varanasi is getting through around 600,000 condoms a day, but this is no population control exercise. The weavers of the holy [!!!] city, home to the world-famous Banarasi saris, have made the contraceptives a vital part of garment production. The weaver rubs the condom on the loom's shuttle, which is softened by the lubricant, thus making the process of weaving faster. The lubricant does not leave any stain on the silk thread which might soil the valuable saris.
There are around 150,000 to 200,000 hand and power looms in Varanasi alone and almost all are using the technique. And every loom has a daily consumption of three or four condoms. [Strange foddr fer loomz! Bet them ole Luddites o yore wooda fown this highlee uhmyoozn!]
At first, weavers stocked up on condoms from the family planning department under a government scheme to provide them free of cost. [Sly ole tradrz, ain't they! Kahnda remahnz me o the meddikl cumpaneez here in the U.S. 'at charjiz hospidullz igzorbitunt uhmownts fer thur supplize.] Some weavers even registered with fake identities to get their hands on the precious prophylactics. [Slyer 'n slyer!]
Generation gap
Mahfooz Alam, convener of the Bunkar Bachao Aandolan (or Save the Weavers Movement), says officials got wise to the scam, and corruption set in. Family planning personnel procured condoms from government hospitals and sold them to general stores. These stores then sold them on to the weavers at 10 rupees a dozen.
Mr Alam says the older generation of weaver is averse to the technique but the younger generation wants things done at a faster pace. [LOL!] Some of the weavers fear the industry could be at risk if sari buyers learn their garments are made with condom lubricant. [Hmmnnn, ewe thank that'd involv a estheddik revulshn er a morull wun?]
But Mr. Alam says many weavers have to use the technique.
They would use another lubricant if there were one available that were better, he says. " [Wayull, what'd they yooz buhfor?]
What reelly crackt me up wuz theez 2 li'l tidbits bowt uthr yoosiz o condumz:
Can be placed over the ends of guns to protect them in desert sandstorms
Drugs 'mules' swallow condoms filled with drugs to smuggle them across borders
Mah pappy alweez yoozda say 'at all we yoomunz wuz iz toolmekkrz. Wayull, theez injeenyuss yoosiz o sawsij skinz iz collrfl illustrayshnz o that, ah thank!
"The Indian city of Varanasi is getting through around 600,000 condoms a day, but this is no population control exercise. The weavers of the holy [!!!] city, home to the world-famous Banarasi saris, have made the contraceptives a vital part of garment production. The weaver rubs the condom on the loom's shuttle, which is softened by the lubricant, thus making the process of weaving faster. The lubricant does not leave any stain on the silk thread which might soil the valuable saris.
There are around 150,000 to 200,000 hand and power looms in Varanasi alone and almost all are using the technique. And every loom has a daily consumption of three or four condoms. [Strange foddr fer loomz! Bet them ole Luddites o yore wooda fown this highlee uhmyoozn!]
At first, weavers stocked up on condoms from the family planning department under a government scheme to provide them free of cost. [Sly ole tradrz, ain't they! Kahnda remahnz me o the meddikl cumpaneez here in the U.S. 'at charjiz hospidullz igzorbitunt uhmownts fer thur supplize.] Some weavers even registered with fake identities to get their hands on the precious prophylactics. [Slyer 'n slyer!]
Generation gap
Mahfooz Alam, convener of the Bunkar Bachao Aandolan (or Save the Weavers Movement), says officials got wise to the scam, and corruption set in. Family planning personnel procured condoms from government hospitals and sold them to general stores. These stores then sold them on to the weavers at 10 rupees a dozen.
Mr Alam says the older generation of weaver is averse to the technique but the younger generation wants things done at a faster pace. [LOL!] Some of the weavers fear the industry could be at risk if sari buyers learn their garments are made with condom lubricant. [Hmmnnn, ewe thank that'd involv a estheddik revulshn er a morull wun?]
But Mr. Alam says many weavers have to use the technique.
They would use another lubricant if there were one available that were better, he says. " [Wayull, what'd they yooz buhfor?]
What reelly crackt me up wuz theez 2 li'l tidbits bowt uthr yoosiz o condumz:
Can be placed over the ends of guns to protect them in desert sandstorms
Drugs 'mules' swallow condoms filled with drugs to smuggle them across borders
Mah pappy alweez yoozda say 'at all we yoomunz wuz iz toolmekkrz. Wayull, theez injeenyuss yoosiz o sawsij skinz iz collrfl illustrayshnz o that, ah thank!
Sierra Leone Publikunz Exploytn the Wurd
Kwotin MATT.22:17-21, the revenooerz in Freetown [!!!! Izzat name a ahrnee er whut?] iz puttin a gun ta folks' hayudz 'bout payin taxiz. (Significntlee, they todullee ignorz MATT. 20:25-28, where Jesus kndemz leedrz lordn it ovr folk, n EXALTS leedrz bein survunts!!!)
Obveeusslee, them awthorteez thar in Afurca don hav no kwalmz bout the seprashn o church 'n state.
Obveeusslee, them awthorteez thar in Afurca don hav no kwalmz bout the seprashn o church 'n state.
They Yoozm Fer ***WHUT***??????
" 'Only a quarter of condoms made in India are used for sex, most of the others are used to make saris, toys and bathroom slippers,' a newspaper reported Saturday." LMAO!! ROTFL!!! (Ewe thank maybe 'at explainz thur high burth rate?) Ah uhgree with thim folk: ass about all them ole sawsij skinz iz good fer.
But hol on thar: **SARIZ** oudda kondmz???? Izzat spozdta be a reel sexy kahnda dress, er whut? N kin ewe majin how MINNEE o thim thangz 'att'd tekk? Ahz tryin ta pikshr how they'd git fassind tagithr? If ya sew'm, the perferashn'd cawz'm ta rip. Gloo'm? Ah duhklayr, ahza gonna google ta see if'n ah kn fahn a fodo ov wun!
[Later] Nope, ain't got no fodoz o condom-dressiz, but ah fown this intreegin tidbit: "Condoms are being used in the finishing of the famous Benaras silk saris; providing a smooth finish to tarred roads; as well as in waterproofing ceilings in India." Ah say, 'ass downrite innerprahzin yoosiz, woontchoo uhgree?
So much fer anuthr idiodik byoorercraddik boondoggl (they passiz out billyunz wurth o condomz ta Injn folk evree yeer).
But hol on thar: **SARIZ** oudda kondmz???? Izzat spozdta be a reel sexy kahnda dress, er whut? N kin ewe majin how MINNEE o thim thangz 'att'd tekk? Ahz tryin ta pikshr how they'd git fassind tagithr? If ya sew'm, the perferashn'd cawz'm ta rip. Gloo'm? Ah duhklayr, ahza gonna google ta see if'n ah kn fahn a fodo ov wun!
[Later] Nope, ain't got no fodoz o condom-dressiz, but ah fown this intreegin tidbit: "Condoms are being used in the finishing of the famous Benaras silk saris; providing a smooth finish to tarred roads; as well as in waterproofing ceilings in India." Ah say, 'ass downrite innerprahzin yoosiz, woontchoo uhgree?
So much fer anuthr idiodik byoorercraddik boondoggl (they passiz out billyunz wurth o condomz ta Injn folk evree yeer).
Ah Haz a Twin in Maine!
She'z mah persunnladdee twin, that iz: "ABC 7 News - Grandmother Who Stopped Bobcat Shuns Media" She sed she jis ain't 'at kahnda pursun. Ah todullee uhgree. Who needz all them hype-mongrz innyway? It ain't fer nuthin 'at ah hain't got no TV!
More Byoorercraddik Balderdash
More straynin gnats 'n swallrin camulz: "Woman, 87, Faces Charges for Gun in Court " In the pass yeer, her home'z bin broke into 3 whole tahmz! She haz a gun purmit, but not fer carryin it publiklee. She wuz in a hurree ta git sumwhere, n jis plum fergot ta tekk it outta her purse. Now, cum OWWWWWWWN! They know'd right wayull 'n good 'at she wuz harmliss. They cooda simplee givn her a warnin 'n leff it at that!
All kahnza danjruss 'n vahlint kriminulz get bint ovr backwrdz fer by ahr awfishlz, but a todullee harmliss li'l ole ladee---the Mawz o Injustiss jis fahnd her a goormay morsul!!! Iss dispikkabl!!!
All kahnza danjruss 'n vahlint kriminulz get bint ovr backwrdz fer by ahr awfishlz, but a todullee harmliss li'l ole ladee---the Mawz o Injustiss jis fahnd her a goormay morsul!!! Iss dispikkabl!!!
Stasi, Italian-Style, Here We Cum!
Az mah reedrz know, ah purfurz criddrz ta yoomunz inny day, but THIS iz outrajuss!!!!
"Dog owners in Turin will be fined up to $650 if they don't walk their pets at least three times a day, under a new law from the city's council. ...To enforce the law, Turin police would rely largely on the help of tipsters spotting cruel treatment by their neighbors."
Now, ah ask YOU: this pennalahziz li'l ole ladeez lahk me who kint walk thur dog 3x/day. Crooltee ta ole folk!!!! Ass all a ole pursun haz, a lodda tahmz, iz thur li'l criddr. N jis how long izzem walks spozdta be? 3 minits? 30 minits? A whole hour? Suppozin ewe'z got a dowg who don LAHK ta walk 'at much? In 'at case, iss crooltee ta him ta force him ta exerciszat much!
Agin, all this jis showz the vile inflooince wurl-wide of the lahks of PETA. Ah'm FED UP TA THE GILLZ with meddlin byoorercrats! Thur'z jis GOTTA be sumpin we kin do ta stop'm, wunce 'n fer all!!!!!
"Dog owners in Turin will be fined up to $650 if they don't walk their pets at least three times a day, under a new law from the city's council. ...To enforce the law, Turin police would rely largely on the help of tipsters spotting cruel treatment by their neighbors."
Now, ah ask YOU: this pennalahziz li'l ole ladeez lahk me who kint walk thur dog 3x/day. Crooltee ta ole folk!!!! Ass all a ole pursun haz, a lodda tahmz, iz thur li'l criddr. N jis how long izzem walks spozdta be? 3 minits? 30 minits? A whole hour? Suppozin ewe'z got a dowg who don LAHK ta walk 'at much? In 'at case, iss crooltee ta him ta force him ta exerciszat much!
Agin, all this jis showz the vile inflooince wurl-wide of the lahks of PETA. Ah'm FED UP TA THE GILLZ with meddlin byoorercrats! Thur'z jis GOTTA be sumpin we kin do ta stop'm, wunce 'n fer all!!!!!
Bosh Ta All Them Silly Stuttistix!!!!!
"Ad blitz dismisses obesity threat as 'hype' - Food, Inc. - MSNBC.com" Latist innerestin info 'at supports mah long-standin vyoo 'at stuttistix iz nuthin but bullistix? "...new statistics from the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), a unit of the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), that contradict previous findings from the CDC that obesity was catching up to heart disease as a major cause of death in the United States."
Which iz whah ah keep eatin mah sevrull aygz/week---'n look't me, wha donchoo? Ahz 104!
Which iz whah ah keep eatin mah sevrull aygz/week---'n look't me, wha donchoo? Ahz 104!
Some Folk Know How To Make the Best of the Bleakist
"Headlines: Death business booms in Baghdad" A feller who makes coffinz yoozd ta only get wun ordr a day whin Saddamn Insane raynd. Now, this guy gets tons of orderz every week. But he don fahnd it depressin, craftin all them thar deth boxiz; he seez hizself az the middle-eastrn cownerpart ta Ford: he vyoozzem coffinz az "vehicles that transfer people to God."
A "Good Mobile"?
A "Good Mobile"?
Friday, April 22, 2005
Cheshire Cat, Modern Style
"Amish Build Mental Health Home" (Iss gonna be locadid on the grownz ov a privut psykeeatrik cinnr.) This struck me az incongroouss, bec. moss cownslin nowadayz presuppoziz a unbiblical theeolujee/kosmolujee----albeit wun 'at ain't explicit (o cors, them experts'd kick 'n froth at the mowth in their deniul of the fact; they'd protess vigrusslee at they'z "nootrul" and "objektiv" n all the ress ov the smoke screen adjiktivz they lahk ta bandy about). A liaison officer hassind ta provahd a bromahd ta assuage inny feerz: "Counselors will assure patients that their treatment will not require them to abandon their faith."
But mah deer Suh, thar'z mor'n wun way ta skin a cat! Shore, them cownslerz won hardlee bash the Amish pashunt ovr the hayud lahk sum Gestapo or KGB brute, "Recant or we'll lock you into the Stehbunker!!!" No, the modrn wayz iz much more sfistikatid, more suttl-----more slithry. Like Zyklon B: looks lahk knsernd chattin boutcher difficulteez, but in realiddee iz mahnd-bendin n behavyer mod. A slow uhsfixeeyashn ov yer cherisht bleefs. (If ewe don bleev ass possibl, go to a Erhardt siminar sumtahm. They don evn bothr doin it slow 'n slithry. They duz the "hi-octaine" verzhn.)
It remahnz me ov whud ah rayud wunce 'bout the Shoah (this wuz dekadez back, so ah don rmimbr zacklee which ixtrminashn site this prtiklr methud took place at----ah thank it wuz fer the ole folk who coon't walk no more): they'd sind a vehikkl 'at lookd jis lahk a ambyoolins, paynid with a red cross n everythang, cumpleet with nursiz who'd gently uhkumpanee the pursn n help'm along into the car. The pohr unsuspektin victim thawt they wuz heddid fer real treatmint, whereaz in fak, they wuz heddid fer the uvvnz.
A Lepprd Kint Chanj His Spots
Mr. Wolf wuz prplixt: he kepp gittin ixkloodid frum cridder pardiez, n whinevr he'd cross paths with inny varmints along the road, they'd shriek 'n hurtle away in the oppuzzit drekshn.
"I must find a way to change my image," he myoozd. Fahnlee, he figyoord owt a slooshn. He wint to a thriff shop 'n got hizself the perfek dizguize. (Nevr mahnd that it only cuvrd hiz hayud n nick; he rekkund the skeery part o him wuz outta sight.) "Now they'll be comfortable with me, bec. nobody's afraid of a harmless little sheep!" He skippt like a calf az he leff the ole thriff shop.
Just down the road, he saw skwirrl hoppin along. "A cheery good day to you, Squirrel!" Skwirrl took one look at him, screecht n thin dasht up a tree.
A fyoo minits lader, Wolf nodisst beevr, who wuz bizzee bildin a dam. "Excellent work, Beaver!" Wolf called out with a big smile (corse, 'at wuz hiddin unner his disguize). Beevr lookt up, got eyez wide'z sawcerz 'n dove inta the river.
"Hmmnnn," Wolf thought, "why are they still afraid of me?" To get the ansurr, he paid a vizzit ta hiz ole buddy BobCat.
"Bob, my boy, I'm totally flummoxed and devastated, bec. they all still fear me as The Big Bad Wolf. I thought for sure that this superlative outfit would transform me into The Best Beloved Animal!" A tear fell on his nose.
Bob sighed. "Wolf, do you really think that bit of fleece changes your person? 'It walks like a wolf, it talks like a wolf, it has the belly and legs of a wolf-----EEEGADS! It's WOLLLLLLLF!' Don't you see? Window dressing doesn't improve the quality of the product displayed."
Wolf hung his head. "Yes, I guess you're right. Trappings don't change essence."
"I must find a way to change my image," he myoozd. Fahnlee, he figyoord owt a slooshn. He wint to a thriff shop 'n got hizself the perfek dizguize. (Nevr mahnd that it only cuvrd hiz hayud n nick; he rekkund the skeery part o him wuz outta sight.) "Now they'll be comfortable with me, bec. nobody's afraid of a harmless little sheep!" He skippt like a calf az he leff the ole thriff shop.
Just down the road, he saw skwirrl hoppin along. "A cheery good day to you, Squirrel!" Skwirrl took one look at him, screecht n thin dasht up a tree.
A fyoo minits lader, Wolf nodisst beevr, who wuz bizzee bildin a dam. "Excellent work, Beaver!" Wolf called out with a big smile (corse, 'at wuz hiddin unner his disguize). Beevr lookt up, got eyez wide'z sawcerz 'n dove inta the river.
"Hmmnnn," Wolf thought, "why are they still afraid of me?" To get the ansurr, he paid a vizzit ta hiz ole buddy BobCat.
"Bob, my boy, I'm totally flummoxed and devastated, bec. they all still fear me as The Big Bad Wolf. I thought for sure that this superlative outfit would transform me into The Best Beloved Animal!" A tear fell on his nose.
Bob sighed. "Wolf, do you really think that bit of fleece changes your person? 'It walks like a wolf, it talks like a wolf, it has the belly and legs of a wolf-----EEEGADS! It's WOLLLLLLLF!' Don't you see? Window dressing doesn't improve the quality of the product displayed."
Wolf hung his head. "Yes, I guess you're right. Trappings don't change essence."
A FootNote Ta That "Research Paper"
In the lass post, Skoolmarm talkt bowt that wummun's "study" bowt girlz n fairee talez. Wayull, that ladee sed sumpin else, later in the ardikl: "She believed younger generations exposed to television and other entertainment media may react differently and be less submissive than those weaned solely on literature." Izzat evr the truth! Az in, they git traind ta thank 'at vahlince and immoralidee (which o corse ain't nevr calld that) n lyin n cheatin iz all ljitimutt wayz o deelin with lahf n uthr folk. (Bud o cors, them thangz don maddr ta the P.C. folk, cuz the onlee thang 'at cownts in thur book iz makin shore there ain't no "jindr stereotypin." Ass the kardnl sin, doncha know.)
My favurt iggzampl ov how TV poyznz a culthr iz whud happind on sum li'l eyelun in the Jerzee Eyelunz. Buhfore this purtiklr li'l eyelun got TV in '93, they had no crime 'n no divorce. Bowt a year or 2 after TV invadid thur kmmyoonidee, they had plenny o both.
Aint' modern gadjits wunnrful? Ah mean, they kin tranzform a whole group a folk in jis a yeer er 2!
My favurt iggzampl ov how TV poyznz a culthr iz whud happind on sum li'l eyelun in the Jerzee Eyelunz. Buhfore this purtiklr li'l eyelun got TV in '93, they had no crime 'n no divorce. Bowt a year or 2 after TV invadid thur kmmyoonidee, they had plenny o both.
Aint' modern gadjits wunnrful? Ah mean, they kin tranzform a whole group a folk in jis a yeer er 2!
Bed of Procrustes, Here We Come!
"Fairy Tales Linked to Violent Relationships"(Fairy tales may end in horror) LMAO! ROTFL! The title of the research paper presenting this thesis was "The Tales We Tell Our Children: Overconditioning of Girls to Expect Partners to Change." Supposedly, "Girls who have listened to such stories as children tend to become more submissive in their future relationships."
First off, this reminds me of the Marxist prohibition in East Germany against allowing children to own or play with castles and toy knights, kings, queens and horses. Ranted the Gleichschalters, "This kind of play encourages the wrong stereotypes and hence the wrong philosophy. It undermines the triumph of the dictatorship of the proletariat!!!!"
Let's face it, fairy tales or no, there's plenty of innate inclination on the part of many women to imagine they can "improve" a man. It's part of the general human tendency to live in a dream-world, to try to impose fantasy on reality (indeed, the above-mentioned political ideology itself is a malignant, industrial-strength manifestation of that tendency).
And there're no doubt plenty of women who as children read fairy tales, but growing up, put them away as make-believe. (Exercising their common sense faculties,in their dealings with men they soon recognized that the male is incurably entrenched in his ways.)
Conversely, if you put your efforts into it, I'm sure you could round up 1000's of women who never read or heard fairy tales as children yet later still became "too submissive" in their rapport with the men they love.
Sigh, it would be so refreshing if "researchers" would cease using their "studies" as a platform for their pet political theories. (SK)
First off, this reminds me of the Marxist prohibition in East Germany against allowing children to own or play with castles and toy knights, kings, queens and horses. Ranted the Gleichschalters, "This kind of play encourages the wrong stereotypes and hence the wrong philosophy. It undermines the triumph of the dictatorship of the proletariat!!!!"
Let's face it, fairy tales or no, there's plenty of innate inclination on the part of many women to imagine they can "improve" a man. It's part of the general human tendency to live in a dream-world, to try to impose fantasy on reality (indeed, the above-mentioned political ideology itself is a malignant, industrial-strength manifestation of that tendency).
And there're no doubt plenty of women who as children read fairy tales, but growing up, put them away as make-believe. (Exercising their common sense faculties,in their dealings with men they soon recognized that the male is incurably entrenched in his ways.)
Conversely, if you put your efforts into it, I'm sure you could round up 1000's of women who never read or heard fairy tales as children yet later still became "too submissive" in their rapport with the men they love.
Sigh, it would be so refreshing if "researchers" would cease using their "studies" as a platform for their pet political theories. (SK)
Hankrin Aftr Primordyul Freedum
Ah wunce hurd summun claim 'at the bess form o sossietee'd be anarkizm. Now, holdjer horsiz! That ain't zacklee the same thang az anarky (tho in a minnit, ah'll tell ewe why ah thank anarchy iz inevidubbl with anarkism). Here'z how wun pursun ixplaynd it: "Anarchism is a political theory which aims to create a society within which individuals freely co-operate together as equals. As such anarchism opposes all forms of hierarchical control -----be that control by the state or a capitalist-----as harmful as well as unnecessary to the individual and to individuality per se."
With mah Liburturyun simputheez, on the surfuss 'at sownz mahdee fahn ta me: nuthin beats freedum! (Jis majn: no more Revenooerz ta hurrass me bout mah still!). But on closr inspekshn, anarkizm jis seemz lahk anuthr vuryeeunt o yootopya.
Ah see 3 main problimz with yootopya: (1) the clash of wurl-vyooz----in uthr wurdz: hah do ewe git evrbuddy ta hav the same ovrall purspektiv n knvikshnz? (Jis wun small case in point, close ta home: thar'z rlijiss folk in theze parts who thanx 'at drinkin inny kahn a spirits iz "sinful" n'll landjoo in Hell. They'd nevr tolrate mah still or mah okayzhnl sips.) (2) The need fer sum sorta leedrship, 'at seemz ta be bilt inta the vury nachur a thangz: fer iggzampl, evn amung the critterz, or in gangz, thar'z a peckin ordr. Er, tekk a orchistra: ha'd they all coordnate w/o the knduktr? (3) The pesky "invizbl predatr" (sum folk call it "selfishness," otherz call it "pride"---thar'z differnt namez fer it, but they're all meanin ta discrahb the bint in yoomunzzat kntribyoots ta all formz o strife: quarrelz, fyoodz at the office, divorce, fightin, warz----ewe name it) that infex yoomun sossietee at all levlz n at all tahmz, regardliss ov whudevr rlijn or plitikl strukshr iz in place.
Add them 3 thangz tagethr n you ind up with anarky. So, it seemz ta me 'at the anarkist iz jis anuthr pursun longin fer Paradise Loss.
With mah Liburturyun simputheez, on the surfuss 'at sownz mahdee fahn ta me: nuthin beats freedum! (Jis majn: no more Revenooerz ta hurrass me bout mah still!). But on closr inspekshn, anarkizm jis seemz lahk anuthr vuryeeunt o yootopya.
Ah see 3 main problimz with yootopya: (1) the clash of wurl-vyooz----in uthr wurdz: hah do ewe git evrbuddy ta hav the same ovrall purspektiv n knvikshnz? (Jis wun small case in point, close ta home: thar'z rlijiss folk in theze parts who thanx 'at drinkin inny kahn a spirits iz "sinful" n'll landjoo in Hell. They'd nevr tolrate mah still or mah okayzhnl sips.) (2) The need fer sum sorta leedrship, 'at seemz ta be bilt inta the vury nachur a thangz: fer iggzampl, evn amung the critterz, or in gangz, thar'z a peckin ordr. Er, tekk a orchistra: ha'd they all coordnate w/o the knduktr? (3) The pesky "invizbl predatr" (sum folk call it "selfishness," otherz call it "pride"---thar'z differnt namez fer it, but they're all meanin ta discrahb the bint in yoomunzzat kntribyoots ta all formz o strife: quarrelz, fyoodz at the office, divorce, fightin, warz----ewe name it) that infex yoomun sossietee at all levlz n at all tahmz, regardliss ov whudevr rlijn or plitikl strukshr iz in place.
Add them 3 thangz tagethr n you ind up with anarky. So, it seemz ta me 'at the anarkist iz jis anuthr pursun longin fer Paradise Loss.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Ov Baleenz 'n Sand Graynz
"Exceptional whale fossil found in Egyptian desert" Ah thot it wuz wild, sumtahm bak, whin they fown torduss fossilz in the Ozarks, but this beats all! Ahz tryin ta vizhulahz in mah mahnd how a whale'd swim thru the san? (Ah know, ah know, it warn't san back when he wuz frolickin thar; but evn THAT fak iz amazin: owshn turnin ta lan----hmmmnn, do ah detect rimnunts ov The Great Dilooj?) Mebbe he'd be wearin a bandanna acrosst hiz snowt. N a sheik's heddress ta sheel his hed'n neck. N mebbe he'd a had sum sorda wingz? (Crazy, ewe say? Wayull, cordin ta Darwinizm, dinoz turnd inta birdz!) Er else, he'd a had sum sorda drillin apparaduss stickin owdda hiz face---a giant sawfish-like. That'd allow him ta whirr thru the doonz.
Nah, thar'z sumpin fishy bout them ole knjekshrz.
Nah, thar'z sumpin fishy bout them ole knjekshrz.
More Muttrinz Bowt Inekwalitee
Tissa Balasuriya, a "progressiv" (code-wurd fer refraktree) Sri-Lankan theeuhlojn who in '97 had a run-in with the noo Pope, sed in refernss ta Benedict's "rlijuss intransigence" that "it makes it difficult to have a dialogue of equals if you do not regard everyone as equal before God."
Wayull, now, ah kint speek fer whut the Pope buhleevz, but unless he'z wayyyy off base in hiz Bahble knowlidj, he'd uhgree that thar iz indeed a radikul ekwalidee amongst yoomunz: iss the ekwalidee of bein doomd before a holy God. Az the WORD states, "No man living is righteous." Isaiah iz evn more imfatik: "All our righteousnesses are as menstrual rags." Our ekwalidee iz wun ov spurtchull tatterz.
He Hizself, in His Word, don call everbodee chilrun ov God. While iss troo at all folk iz creetcherz ov God, n all iz creatid in Hiz imuj, only thoze't haz rekunsahld with Him on Hiz termz (thru Hiz Son) iz calld chilrun ov God. Ewe ain't awtomatiklee a mimber ov a famblee; ewe haz ta be born inta it or doptid. Same holz troo spurtchlee: Jezus sez ewe hazta be born agin bah the Spirit, n thin ewe iz rekkund az Hiz siblin, a chile ov God, n a co-heir with Christ.
Not Ekwull
Recentlee, a reedr of mah blawg sint me an ardikkl bout Ted Nugent n the NRA: "Ted Nugent urged National Rifle Association members to be 'hardcore, radical extremists demanding the right to self defense.' " Mah reedr seemd ta thank this wuz bad nooz. It maht wayull be, but whud ah don unnerstan iz, folk lahk him haz no gripes whin Leftists iz radikl ixtreemists. Eco-Freeks, Blak Pantherz, FemiNaziz---nun o thim bothrz him. Whah iz ixtreemizm hunkee-doree frum the Left, but not frum the uther sahd? Whah iz thur alweez this Cyclops-Syndrome in thur percepshn?
Pope Stuff
Furss ov all, evn tho ah don bleev in the office ov the Pope, ah write the followin with all doo rspek: ah jis about fell off my chair at the guy's lass name, "Rat Zinger." Whut kahnda rlijus "rats" iz he gonna zap? Do ah smell a new inkwizishn? :)
But on a more seeryuss note, ah fown this question in a ardikkl bout him: "How will the new pope deal with the chasm between conservative moral absolutists and liberals of all faiths?" Thar they go agin, the mainsilt meedya with their bias: why din't they write "liberal anomic relativists"? Either be objektiv bout both sides or describe both sides az havin aginduhz; don pull your ole lingwistik slither-lyin stunt by representin the Librulz az anjlz while makin the knservutivz look lahk nuthn but Taliban fanatix.
In connekshn with that, he used an intreegin expreshn in his lass homily az cardinal: he obzurvd 'at the wurl iz movin toward a "dictatorship of relativism"----ZOWEE! Don that sum it up? (No wunner his name iz "BeneDict" which iz Latin fer "well-spoken.") The reluhtivists lahk ta strut arown az the "tolrunt" wunz, whin in fak, they iz giltee of thur own cultcherul (n on campusiz, evn plitikl!!!) shogunate.
Not ta minshn 'at reluhtivizm ultimuttlee leedz ta plitikl despotizm; mah favert igzampl iz the Weimar Republik metuhmorfuhsahzn inta Nazism.
But on a more seeryuss note, ah fown this question in a ardikkl bout him: "How will the new pope deal with the chasm between conservative moral absolutists and liberals of all faiths?" Thar they go agin, the mainsilt meedya with their bias: why din't they write "liberal anomic relativists"? Either be objektiv bout both sides or describe both sides az havin aginduhz; don pull your ole lingwistik slither-lyin stunt by representin the Librulz az anjlz while makin the knservutivz look lahk nuthn but Taliban fanatix.
In connekshn with that, he used an intreegin expreshn in his lass homily az cardinal: he obzurvd 'at the wurl iz movin toward a "dictatorship of relativism"----ZOWEE! Don that sum it up? (No wunner his name iz "BeneDict" which iz Latin fer "well-spoken.") The reluhtivists lahk ta strut arown az the "tolrunt" wunz, whin in fak, they iz giltee of thur own cultcherul (n on campusiz, evn plitikl!!!) shogunate.
Not ta minshn 'at reluhtivizm ultimuttlee leedz ta plitikl despotizm; mah favert igzampl iz the Weimar Republik metuhmorfuhsahzn inta Nazism.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Uhbyoozin the Konstitooshn
This kahnda nonsinse makes a mockree ov rlijun AND of freedum of rlijun. "The U.S. Supreme Court said on Monday it would decide whether the federal government must allow the U.S. branch of a Brazilian-based religion to import a hallucinogenic tea for use as a sacrament. " (Wunner if 'at loosinojinik tea'z rlatid ta the Mezcal ah wrote about buhfore?)
Todullee UHBzurd! Not at all whut the FFs had in mahnd whin they craftid rlijuss freedom into the nayshn'z yoozr'z manyool. Nex thang ewe know, there'll be sum uthr whacko rlijuss group demandin ta be allowd ta yooz LSD az a "sacramint".
Ah thank 'at the problim with ahr judjiz 'n lawyerz izzat they all wuz on LSD in thur urlyer yeerz, n it leff thur braynz az hole-riddled (ah din't wanna yooz the misleadin adjiktiv, "holey"!) az Swiss Cheez.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
They Can't Recant
Granny posted a footnote to the Professor's essay, and I will do likewise: not only does Hobbes' "solution" to religious conflict put the State in the place of God, but ever since the Enlightenment, politics has supplanted religion, viz. in the days of yore, groups went to war over religious beliefs; nowadays, they go to war over political beliefs (which actually, ultimately, are still religious in nature, but that is another one of the well-guarded secrets of the modern age. If you don't believe it, for example, carefully observe Hitler's rallies----mass worship of the first order; or listen carefully [in German] to his speeches----religious to the hilt. Or, again, consider the ferocity of Marxist adherents; read the memoirs of Marxist True Believers like Horowitz, et al.)
Man is simply INCAPABLE of escaping his spiritual nature and the spiritual character of reality and of life. (SK)
Man is simply INCAPABLE of escaping his spiritual nature and the spiritual character of reality and of life. (SK)
A Humbl Li'l Footnote
In the preevyuss poss, the Perfessr only breefly tutcht on sumpin 'at ah bleev iz crooshl ta unnerstan, n it duz tie in with the kwote frum 'at uther blog where she sez, "Why does one need a detailed philosophy to understand how to live a righteous life? These feelings are inside most of us." The Perfessr minshnd the vurs frum JAMES, vs. 10: "Whoever keeps the whole Law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it."
This iz the crux of Chrisschanity: not a wun ov us iz abl ta liv up ta the perfek standrd o God, the wun summrahzd in the Big 10C and dveloppt in Dooderonamee 'n Levidikuss (reed the whole skoop in ROMUNZ 3). All t'uther rlijnz iz do-itcherself uhffayrz; but only the Chrisschun faith (which ain't a filosofee or evn reelly a rlijn---iss a Life [not ta be miskunstrood az the insipid "lifestyle" noshn])---only the Chrisschn faith teechiz 'at Somebody done it fer ewe. He livd the perfek life in yer place 'n thin, on the Cross, He tuk yer sin-dett on Hisself, n fahnlly, ta top id all off, He destroyd the powr o The Kosmik Killer!!!! Hallilooyuh!!!
Whin a body kum ta Jesus in trustin faith, whin ewe giv yer todl uhlleejinss ta Him ferevr, then yoo git Hiz perfik rightchussniss creditid ta yer accownt. It meenzzat HIZ perfik works and HIZ perfik life kownts in God'z sight az tho they wuz yer own. Ewe git a new hart 'n a eturnl prspektiv----n a eturnl citiznship, too. Yew git a passport ta hevn! (All that's jis fer stardrz. If ewe want all the detailz, yoo kin reed the whole story in His manyool.)
None o the uthr rlijnz hazzat.
This iz the crux of Chrisschanity: not a wun ov us iz abl ta liv up ta the perfek standrd o God, the wun summrahzd in the Big 10C and dveloppt in Dooderonamee 'n Levidikuss (reed the whole skoop in ROMUNZ 3). All t'uther rlijnz iz do-itcherself uhffayrz; but only the Chrisschun faith (which ain't a filosofee or evn reelly a rlijn---iss a Life [not ta be miskunstrood az the insipid "lifestyle" noshn])---only the Chrisschn faith teechiz 'at Somebody done it fer ewe. He livd the perfek life in yer place 'n thin, on the Cross, He tuk yer sin-dett on Hisself, n fahnlly, ta top id all off, He destroyd the powr o The Kosmik Killer!!!! Hallilooyuh!!!
Whin a body kum ta Jesus in trustin faith, whin ewe giv yer todl uhlleejinss ta Him ferevr, then yoo git Hiz perfik rightchussniss creditid ta yer accownt. It meenzzat HIZ perfik works and HIZ perfik life kownts in God'z sight az tho they wuz yer own. Ewe git a new hart 'n a eturnl prspektiv----n a eturnl citiznship, too. Yew git a passport ta hevn! (All that's jis fer stardrz. If ewe want all the detailz, yoo kin reed the whole story in His manyool.)
None o the uthr rlijnz hazzat.
Will They Ever Recant of Their Tired Cant?
I occasionally read the posts at not-crunchy.blogspot.com. The blogger is a 31 yr. old Liberal who's just been accepted at Berkeley's Boalt School. For a while, she was reading around in what she calls "religious blogs," specifically conservative Christian ones. [Note frum GrittyGranny: "Mahn warn't wun o thim!"] Here are some excerpts from one of her more recent posts; they are reminiscent of the litany by secularists that religion provides the believer with "comfort and security" (relegating faith to the category of a bromide):
"Why does one need a detailed philosophy to understand how to live a righteous life? These feelings are inside most of us."
"Religion and laws both provide us with a structured way to feel that we are good/positive members of society."
"Religion is important to keep our society together."
These 3 comments could fuel a whole book, but for starters, what captured my attention here is the seemingly incongruous combination of, on the one hand, the emphasis on "feelings," and on the other hand, the notion that sociologically, religion has an exclusively utilitarian function. These paradoxical bedfellows are characteristic of the modern mindset: spirituality/morality is trivialized into a mere emotional fabric , while spiritual convictions are viewed as at best serving as a sort of social glue.
Notice the concomitant conspicuous absence of the concept of truth, which the trivializers do not realize exists irrespective of feelings or societal forms/fads. Hence such platitudes as "Religion is personal; whatever makes you happy." (Of course, this applies only to innocuous, impotent, "personal-preference" religions that are not "fundamentalist;" the fact that naturalist-reductionism is the secularists' own fundamentalism remains a carefully guarded secret.) This facile fallacy fails to discern that just as the physical realm has immutable "laws," so the spiritual domain is also governed by certain facts, by a Design.
In the reductionist scheme of things, on the personal level, religion amounts to nothing more than another hobby or "high," a toy that tickles the spirit, a dallience that can be donned or shed like some sort of costume. The expression "playing at religion" comes to mind.
In their more generous moments, in reference to societal significance, the secularists (cf. Russell) might acquiesce to religion as a unifier of the plebeians (thruout history, the classic attitude of the elites towards what Marx dubbed the "opium of the masses"----pabulum for the peons).
"Why does one need a detailed philosophy to understand how to live a righteous life? These feelings are inside most of us."
"Religion and laws both provide us with a structured way to feel that we are good/positive members of society."
"Religion is important to keep our society together."
These 3 comments could fuel a whole book, but for starters, what captured my attention here is the seemingly incongruous combination of, on the one hand, the emphasis on "feelings," and on the other hand, the notion that sociologically, religion has an exclusively utilitarian function. These paradoxical bedfellows are characteristic of the modern mindset: spirituality/morality is trivialized into a mere emotional fabric , while spiritual convictions are viewed as at best serving as a sort of social glue.
Notice the concomitant conspicuous absence of the concept of truth, which the trivializers do not realize exists irrespective of feelings or societal forms/fads. Hence such platitudes as "Religion is personal; whatever makes you happy." (Of course, this applies only to innocuous, impotent, "personal-preference" religions that are not "fundamentalist;" the fact that naturalist-reductionism is the secularists' own fundamentalism remains a carefully guarded secret.) This facile fallacy fails to discern that just as the physical realm has immutable "laws," so the spiritual domain is also governed by certain facts, by a Design.
In the reductionist scheme of things, on the personal level, religion amounts to nothing more than another hobby or "high," a toy that tickles the spirit, a dallience that can be donned or shed like some sort of costume. The expression "playing at religion" comes to mind.
In their more generous moments, in reference to societal significance, the secularists (cf. Russell) might acquiesce to religion as a unifier of the plebeians (thruout history, the classic attitude of the elites towards what Marx dubbed the "opium of the masses"----pabulum for the peons).
So much for the outsiders' misconceptions; let us turn now to the primary document, the Actual Text: there, we find the story about a Person Who took Truth so seriously that He was willing to undergo the tandem torture of scourging and crucifixion. Did He have warm fuzzy feelings about that torture? By no means; rather, He "sweated drops of blood." Did His teachings and works unite the society? On the contrary: belief in Him resulted in schisms (no surprise to Him, since He informed His listeners that He "came to bring a sword"). After His death, His followers upset the Roman applecart by refusing to truckle to Caesar. Was their faith a cushion from the consequences of being personae non gratae? No, it resulted in their being thrown to the dogs or lions, or burnt or impaled alive.
For modern Western believers (who are not yet beset by torments as gruesome as those suffered by their spiritual forebears), is it a comfort to face the possiblity that friends or family of the believer who refuse the offer of Eternal Deliverance will forever be cut off from all goodness and love, to face an everlasting version of Auschwitz? In the face of ridicule and rejection, is it a comfort to uphold the truth about man's sinful nature (which includes the believer)? Is it a comfort to know that even the tiniest infringement of excellence or integrity merits eternal damnation? ("He who has broken the Law in even one point has violated the whole.") Is it comforting for a scientist to be blackballed as a heretic if he questions the Positivist orthodoxy?
As for religion as unifier, that at best applies on the micro-level. On the macro-level, as history amply demonstrates, conflicting religious worldviews can easily lead to violence and bloodshed. Which is precisely why someone like Hobbes crafted his theory of representation---in effect placing the state in the position of God. (P)
Uncanny Canines
"A 74-year-old animal lover was found dead in her home after what police believe was a brutal attack by the woman's two mixed-breed dogs." Ah'z speechless! Them dawgz had livd with her for a good while; they warn't no noocumrz. Mebbe she turnd soff in the brayn n fergot ta feed them fer dayz on ind? But no, a frin ov herz sed 'at the dawgz had turnd meen a while back, n 'at the granny had ta put up a toddler gate at the door of thur room.
Ass why yer beddr off with a rabbit. Wubbit, mah mini-Rex, won never uhttack me.
Ass why yer beddr off with a rabbit. Wubbit, mah mini-Rex, won never uhttack me.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Travlz In a Differnt Meedyum
Media mogool Rupert Murdoch describz hisself az a "dijidl immigrunt," whereaz hiz dodderz iz "dijidl nadivz." By them standurdz, ah guess he'd class me as a alfabet immigrunt, while the Perfessr n the Skoolmarm'd be alfabet nadivz.
Sumhow, them ixpreshnz bring up funny imerjiz in mah hayud: alfabet immigrunts floatin in a ship made up ov alodda ledderz; alfabet nadivz wearin Injun heddressiz with ledderz in place o fetherz...
Sumhow, them ixpreshnz bring up funny imerjiz in mah hayud: alfabet immigrunts floatin in a ship made up ov alodda ledderz; alfabet nadivz wearin Injun heddressiz with ledderz in place o fetherz...
Differnce Tween A Librull, a Knservuhtiv, & a Suthnr
This wuz postid at RightWingNews.com; ah woon't say iss a iggzawstiv deffernishn, bud iss "on targit":
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with killing just me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Conservative Answer: BANG!
Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! rackety-click...(sounds of reloading).
Wife: "Hun, he looks like he's still moving, whadda y'all kids think?"
Son: "Mama's right Daddy, I saw it, too."
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.
Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with killing just me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Conservative Answer: BANG!
Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! rackety-click...(sounds of reloading).
Wife: "Hun, he looks like he's still moving, whadda y'all kids think?"
Son: "Mama's right Daddy, I saw it, too."
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.
Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
A Differnt Kahnda "SWAT" Team
No doubt yoo hurd bowt the frawgz in Oz n how summun calld fer gettin rid o thim 'zif ewe wuz playin golf with'm. Wayull, ah'z surprahzd the eekofreeks hain't got a holda this: folk in Hawaii iz havin a simlr problim with noyzee kwardr-sized Coquis frawgz. Them varmints drive down the price o reel-uhstate. So the home-ownerz thar haz turnd inta vijilaneez----"frawg skwadz."
Wunner if they fahnd that activitee "rivetin"?
Wunner if they fahnd that activitee "rivetin"?
"W.Va. Makes English Its Official Language "
Ah wuz skratchin mah hayud at that: whut wuz folk thar talkin buhfore? Airbik? Turkish? Why wood they wanna lejislate the obveeyuss?
Wayull, after krackin mah skull on 'at wun fer a while, ah finally figyoord out whut they wuz reactin aginst: iss folk lahk me, who talk differnt and spayull differnt. Ah bet the instigaydr o that thar amindmint wuz a kolleeg o mah frin Skoolmarm! Sumbuddee who'z jis fed up with hillbilly drawl!
Majin diskriminatin 'ginst us colorful ole-tahmrz! If Ebola----at Black verzhn a Inglish----kin git ffishl indorsmint, whah not Hillbilly-ola? Whuss wrong with diversidee o ixpreshn? Or izzit anuthr case o "sum dialex [the plitiklee kreck wunz] iz more eekwull'n utherz"?....
Oh, turnz out, iss not that at all. Ah stand krektid: the Perfessr jis informd me 'at the real porpuss o that thar uhmindmint iz ta make shore all thim Mexkun immergrunts don go rown jabbrin thur own jibbrish (the Perfessr dint call it jibbrish: ass whud **AH** thank it iz).
Wayull, after krackin mah skull on 'at wun fer a while, ah finally figyoord out whut they wuz reactin aginst: iss folk lahk me, who talk differnt and spayull differnt. Ah bet the instigaydr o that thar amindmint wuz a kolleeg o mah frin Skoolmarm! Sumbuddee who'z jis fed up with hillbilly drawl!
Majin diskriminatin 'ginst us colorful ole-tahmrz! If Ebola----at Black verzhn a Inglish----kin git ffishl indorsmint, whah not Hillbilly-ola? Whuss wrong with diversidee o ixpreshn? Or izzit anuthr case o "sum dialex [the plitiklee kreck wunz] iz more eekwull'n utherz"?....
Oh, turnz out, iss not that at all. Ah stand krektid: the Perfessr jis informd me 'at the real porpuss o that thar uhmindmint iz ta make shore all thim Mexkun immergrunts don go rown jabbrin thur own jibbrish (the Perfessr dint call it jibbrish: ass whud **AH** thank it iz).
The New Watchdawgz
Reedrz o this blawg iz fumilyer with mah kntimpt fer the mainsilt medya; they luv ta ignore or suppress krooshl info. Wayull, led'm, cuz blawgz iz doin the job for em!
The headlahn rayud: "Borderless blogs vs. Canada press ban"
Fur'z ah'z knsernd, blawgz kint be calssified unner the heddin o "press" mutteeryul cuz they ain't tanjibl; they ain't "presst" on reel papr; they'z jis floatin free in the atmusfeer; they'z vurtchul.
"The ban was imposed on a public inquiry into possible government fraud and conspiracy, involving taxpayer dollars." Aha!!! Thar'z the reezn fer thur confoundid ole ban: az yoozhwul, they don wanna be accownabl ta the taxpayerz!
But wun spunky Amurrkn blawgr publisht the info innyway. (Aftr all, the ban wuz onlee fer Knaydyunz.)
[The ban vs. blog issue raised a dilemma for Canadians.] "Questions like: If I link to a site with a link to Captain's Quarters, will the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) show up at my house? Or, if I already had a link to Captain's Quarters before it carried the testimony, do I now have to remove it? Are the RCMP going to hire an army of new staff to hunt for untoward links?" ROTFL!
Long live innernet freedum, n hevvn help us if the U.N. evr gits kntrowl ovr it (az they'z been tryin to fer quite sum tahm). Cyberia'z still the Great Frontier; less keep it 'at way.
The headlahn rayud: "Borderless blogs vs. Canada press ban"
Fur'z ah'z knsernd, blawgz kint be calssified unner the heddin o "press" mutteeryul cuz they ain't tanjibl; they ain't "presst" on reel papr; they'z jis floatin free in the atmusfeer; they'z vurtchul.
"The ban was imposed on a public inquiry into possible government fraud and conspiracy, involving taxpayer dollars." Aha!!! Thar'z the reezn fer thur confoundid ole ban: az yoozhwul, they don wanna be accownabl ta the taxpayerz!
But wun spunky Amurrkn blawgr publisht the info innyway. (Aftr all, the ban wuz onlee fer Knaydyunz.)
[The ban vs. blog issue raised a dilemma for Canadians.] "Questions like: If I link to a site with a link to Captain's Quarters, will the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) show up at my house? Or, if I already had a link to Captain's Quarters before it carried the testimony, do I now have to remove it? Are the RCMP going to hire an army of new staff to hunt for untoward links?" ROTFL!
Long live innernet freedum, n hevvn help us if the U.N. evr gits kntrowl ovr it (az they'z been tryin to fer quite sum tahm). Cyberia'z still the Great Frontier; less keep it 'at way.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Hidden Revenooerz
Lately mah compyooder's been in the "revenooer mode": it keeps poppin up thoze li'l winderzzat uhkyooz me ov kummittin a "illegal operation" n tellin me "the program will be shut down." It evn duzzit when all ah'z doin iz scrollin up er down the page!
Wun o the reezunz ah rijnullee refyoozd ta have innythang ta do with pyooters was cuz ah rmimbrd that Big Brother could look atchoo thru the TVscreen. Ah figured he could do it jis az simple thru a puter screen, too. But thin, ah relaxt whin I saw how on a laptop you kin shut the lid down---pinch ole B.B.'s eye! Whah, ewe cood even stick 'im in a bag, like a hog in a burlap sack. Or you cood lock him in the closit, where iss dark 'n full o dust n spahdrz. Heh heh heh!
But na, with all them li'l warnin boxiz, ahm startin ta git uneezy agin...
[Later...] N this jis knfurmz it!!!
>>>Antivirus vendor Sophos on Monday reported a backdoor Trojan that allows unauthorized remote access to the computer over a network.<<<
See? The Perfessr had warnd me bout 'at sorta thang, so ass whud ah suspectid had tekkn place with mah blawg t'uther day, whin it wuz vandlizd.
Wun o the reezunz ah rijnullee refyoozd ta have innythang ta do with pyooters was cuz ah rmimbrd that Big Brother could look atchoo thru the TVscreen. Ah figured he could do it jis az simple thru a puter screen, too. But thin, ah relaxt whin I saw how on a laptop you kin shut the lid down---pinch ole B.B.'s eye! Whah, ewe cood even stick 'im in a bag, like a hog in a burlap sack. Or you cood lock him in the closit, where iss dark 'n full o dust n spahdrz. Heh heh heh!
But na, with all them li'l warnin boxiz, ahm startin ta git uneezy agin...
[Later...] N this jis knfurmz it!!!
>>>Antivirus vendor Sophos on Monday reported a backdoor Trojan that allows unauthorized remote access to the computer over a network.<<<
See? The Perfessr had warnd me bout 'at sorta thang, so ass whud ah suspectid had tekkn place with mah blawg t'uther day, whin it wuz vandlizd.
Friday, April 08, 2005
They Won't Nevr Kwestchun No Ordrz
>>>Japanese town gets real Robocop<<<
This'un was helpin hand out flyerz with uther, real, powleess. Bud at the Wurld Expo, they'z got 8 o thim robots on doodee rown the clock. (Rmahnz me o that storee by Ray Bradbury, "The Pedestrian." A guy gits pickt up durin hiz evenin walk by a powleess car---which turnz out ta be empty, manoovrd bah remote kntrowl. Creepy!)
Ahz puzzld: how woodjoo ask a "cop" lahk that fer hayulp? Kin ewe see him supportin a li'l ole granny lahk me cross the street?
On 2nd thawt: ah thank wun o them robocops'd be ahdeel fer skeerin them revenooerz off mah lan!
This'un was helpin hand out flyerz with uther, real, powleess. Bud at the Wurld Expo, they'z got 8 o thim robots on doodee rown the clock. (Rmahnz me o that storee by Ray Bradbury, "The Pedestrian." A guy gits pickt up durin hiz evenin walk by a powleess car---which turnz out ta be empty, manoovrd bah remote kntrowl. Creepy!)
Ahz puzzld: how woodjoo ask a "cop" lahk that fer hayulp? Kin ewe see him supportin a li'l ole granny lahk me cross the street?
On 2nd thawt: ah thank wun o them robocops'd be ahdeel fer skeerin them revenooerz off mah lan!
Illeegl Ingreedjunts
This wummin shore iz spunky, but duz she evr hav odd cookin habits:
>>>A 66-year-old grandmother with a taste for marijuana casserole has been spared jail despite admitting she had shared cannabis-laced cookies with fellow pensioners..."I had it this morning in my scrambled eggs and I'll have it again for lunch. I'm not giving it up!"<<<
She yoozis the stuff fer pain. Liberturyun 'at ah am, ah simputhahz with her feistiniss, but ah do declayuh: that muss be the viless-tastin ingreedjint she could pick. Innerestinlee enuff, it said this 'bout her, too: " In a later raid they found 47 bags of "skunk", a particularly strong form of the drug."
N folk iz alweez sayin GARRRRlik stinks!
>>>A 66-year-old grandmother with a taste for marijuana casserole has been spared jail despite admitting she had shared cannabis-laced cookies with fellow pensioners..."I had it this morning in my scrambled eggs and I'll have it again for lunch. I'm not giving it up!"<<<
She yoozis the stuff fer pain. Liberturyun 'at ah am, ah simputhahz with her feistiniss, but ah do declayuh: that muss be the viless-tastin ingreedjint she could pick. Innerestinlee enuff, it said this 'bout her, too: " In a later raid they found 47 bags of "skunk", a particularly strong form of the drug."
N folk iz alweez sayin GARRRRlik stinks!
Quack Service
>>>Secret Service Guards Mother Duck, Eggs <<<
This is whud happinz whin yew give too much inflooinss ta Peta. Ainit jis WUNNNerful, whut ahr tax $$$ is payin fer?
Ass a mighty smart cridder, 'at mama iz, cuz after all....Bush'z a lame duck prezidint.
This is whud happinz whin yew give too much inflooinss ta Peta. Ainit jis WUNNNerful, whut ahr tax $$$ is payin fer?
Ass a mighty smart cridder, 'at mama iz, cuz after all....Bush'z a lame duck prezidint.
Ozarks Iz Gonna be Famuss!
Wayull, we maht hav a Califnorniyay-styl boom soon: iss all abowt sum ole cave, Riverbluff Cave, ovr not too fur frum Sprangfeel. Iss calld a "Ice Age Time Capsule" n iss gonna put us on the map! Turnz out, we yoozdta hav barz runnin rown theze parts 'at suffrd frum gowt 'n arthuritis (ah kin shore relate!). Them resurchrz evn fown the fosslz ov a ixtinck breed o tordussiz. Majin that: tordussiz, here in the Ozarks! Ass wild!
Yoo thank them tordussiz evr ran inny raciz with them barz?
Yoo thank them tordussiz evr ran inny raciz with them barz?
Boddld Wurm Jooss
Yew folk all know frum mah profahl 'at ah keep up mah late huzbun'z still. So ewe woon't be surprahzd if ah'm innerestid in uther stillz, speshly novl wunz.
Wayull, mebbe yoo haz hurd bout Mezcal, a varyashn ov tikeela. Iss yoozhllee sowl with a wurm floatin in it ('at wurm's spozdta giv 'at thar brew Viagra n LSD properdeez). But turnz out, fer a whahl, them Mexkun Fed-meddlerz had it in fer 'at ole wurm.
Illeegl drugz? Nope. Animl rahts? Not hardlee: hayulth reeznz. They claimzzat wurm haz too high a fat contint (ROTFL!!!), so they wuz knsidrin bannin the broo (sownz lahk they apprintisst with ar revenooerz!). But thin, they chanjd thur mahndz. Ah rekkun 'at wuz cuz Mexko'z so pohr, n 'at thar wurm wuz rsponsibl fer 70% of the Mezcal salez.
Majin that: a lowlee ole wurm bein the fokuss o that much uhttinshn! Kintchoo jis see it: "Mexican Authorities Consider Forcing Worms To Go On Diet."
Guess ewe maht say 'at's a case ov a "timpist in a boddl." (PS: ainit stranj 'at the name o that broo sownz a awful lot like the furss ledderz ov "mescaline"?)
Wayull, mebbe yoo haz hurd bout Mezcal, a varyashn ov tikeela. Iss yoozhllee sowl with a wurm floatin in it ('at wurm's spozdta giv 'at thar brew Viagra n LSD properdeez). But turnz out, fer a whahl, them Mexkun Fed-meddlerz had it in fer 'at ole wurm.
Illeegl drugz? Nope. Animl rahts? Not hardlee: hayulth reeznz. They claimzzat wurm haz too high a fat contint (ROTFL!!!), so they wuz knsidrin bannin the broo (sownz lahk they apprintisst with ar revenooerz!). But thin, they chanjd thur mahndz. Ah rekkun 'at wuz cuz Mexko'z so pohr, n 'at thar wurm wuz rsponsibl fer 70% of the Mezcal salez.
Majin that: a lowlee ole wurm bein the fokuss o that much uhttinshn! Kintchoo jis see it: "Mexican Authorities Consider Forcing Worms To Go On Diet."
Guess ewe maht say 'at's a case ov a "timpist in a boddl." (PS: ainit stranj 'at the name o that broo sownz a awful lot like the furss ledderz ov "mescaline"?)
No Surprahz Thar!
>>>Bush Indifferent Over Falling Poll Numbers<<<
Wayull o CORS he'z indiffernt: he don gotta worree no more 'bowt bein re-elektid. Na, he'z lahk a teen who'z purrints've leff the house fer the weekind: he kin wreek whudevr havuk he wants.
Did The Cookie Monster Hav a Knverzhn?
>>>Cookie Monster To Advocate Eating Healthy Foods<<<
Whut??? Ass abowt lahk havn Marylyn Munrow advukkatin chassidee.
Whut??? Ass abowt lahk havn Marylyn Munrow advukkatin chassidee.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Motto ov Whoever Vandlizd Mah Ole Blog
"I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage."
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
This Is Why Ah Stash Mah Cash Unner Mah Mattriss!
You jis kint truss banks!
>>>Bank accidentally recycles ATM<<<
Thar wuz still loadza cash leff innat musheen----enuff fer a luxury vacation, purchasing a home, and thin sum!
>>>Bank accidentally recycles ATM<<<
Thar wuz still loadza cash leff innat musheen----enuff fer a luxury vacation, purchasing a home, and thin sum!
That sownz mahtee fahn! Mebbe ah awdda git inta the recyclin bizniss!
Multi-leggid Muhnortee Squatterz
In Texas, insex git more rahts'n hyoomunz. Fer 17 long yearz, the eco-freek byoorercrats haz been preventin a man frum develuppin hiz properdee----all bec. of 6 species of minoot bugz, sech az a cave mold beedl and a tooth cave spahdr. These varmints inhabit caves and sinkholez on the man'z land. The Fed-Meddlrz declayrd'm (the varmints, not the caves) an "indanjrd species."
Ah tell ewe whut the moss sorelee indanjrd species iz: folk't hain't got bug-ridden braynz.
Ah tell ewe whut the moss sorelee indanjrd species iz: folk't hain't got bug-ridden braynz.
Neolujizmz [got 'at wurd frum Skoolmarm! :) ]
This ad cawt mah uhtinshn. Bah now, ewe purdy much know 'at ah lahks ta pluck wurdz apart. Wayull, both o thim wurdz iz reelly snappin at me, darin me ta figyoor'm out.
Furss cloo is the hosannin figyer: it meks me thank it muss be sumpin 'at'll mek a pursun reel happy. "Neulasta": 'at sownz lahk a cross tween "new" and "lasts." So, it muss be sum sorda medikayshn 'at mekks yer skin look yungr n more attraktiv. Gosh, mebbe 'at wuz brewd jis fer ole hagz lahk me!
But UGH, them inGREEEEEdyunts! Them looks awwwrful! "Pegfil" sownz lahk the puddy ya yooz arown the howse ta fill in holez in the wall; n grass-stimz? Sownz lahk cow-cud. Pass the pink stuff!
Mebbe ah ain't 'at desprut after all ta look yungr...Thin agin, at fancy spaz, they applahz mud ta yer skin...
Asphyxiating Incentive
>>>Boban Jakovljevic, star pupil at the Banja Luka elementary school, had his mouth taped with scotch tape for almost one hour after telling his teacher that he had solved 52 math problems at home.<<<
Is this a case of blatant anti-Semitism (the boy's last name could possibly be Jewish)? As one who taught for 8.5 years, I would've been ELATED to have students like Boban! Any genuine teacher would. He's a black diamond among sandgrains!
This woman is a psychological murderess: to slay such a child's eagerness is tantamount to cognitive homicide. She should be fired and permanently blackballed from any further teaching posts. (SK)
The Whole Idee Leevz Me "Cold"
Iss not reel; iss a illuzhn. An innerestin analojee, cuz illuzhnz yoozhwallee do in fak melt away----offin leevin behind a trail o teerz...
He'z Got the Wool Pulld Ovr Hiz Eyez Fer SHORE!
Skoolmarm got a kick outta this here photo, cuz she sezzat in Jurmun, "Shrek" means "fright" or "scare" (the nown, not the vurb). Ah rekkun he must really be feelin 'at way cuz he kint see nuthin.
Black Ahrnee
Look keerfullee at this foto: izzat baby-boddl nipplz?
Not hardlee! Iss condumz. They'z bein shippt fer free---more'n ***800*** ov'm!!!!----ta the Awstraylyun cownerpart o Hawgpatch, sum li'l town out in the booniez, where the teen illijitimussee rate iz the highist in the countree. The gutsy farmassiss there rfyooziz ta sell condumz er the mornin-after pill fer ethikl reeznz.
Now, THAR'z a man who muss be frum the same stock azzem "recalssitrunt" fellaz frum northern Inglund 'at ah wrote abowt recintlee in mah uther poss (T'Oppuzzit). Too bad we kint clone him n spred him out all ovr the planit.
On the uthr han, his cownnerpoynt (the ownr ov the uhrrawtika shop 'ass sindin the condumz) claymzzat "Their remote location combined with their unsupportive pharmacist is a recipe for a reproductive disaster and sexual crisis."
Zzat so...
Far'z ah know, the "sexual crisis" haz been rajin fer 40 yeerz, and the repruhduktiv dizaster has playgd us fer almoss 3.5 dekaydz---iss yoozhwally called "Roe vs. Wade."
Mist-tekkin Idintitee
"BBC Asks Long-Dead Marley For Interview"
Whin ah firss rayud 'at hedlahn, ah meedjutlee thawt a the Marley frum Scrooge. Ass the onlee Marley ah'z ever hurd ov. Turnz out, iss a differnt one: >>>A red-faced BBC apologised for requesting an interview with Bob Marley, the Jamaican reggae legend seen here in 1976, who died 24 years ago.<<<
Now, they shooda jis conjurd up Scroojiz Marley, cuz judjin bah his willinniss ta vizit Scrooj, 'at fella wooda cum fer'n innervyoo in a hartbeet. Wooda made a more fassinatin innervyoo, too.
Whin ah firss rayud 'at hedlahn, ah meedjutlee thawt a the Marley frum Scrooge. Ass the onlee Marley ah'z ever hurd ov. Turnz out, iss a differnt one: >>>A red-faced BBC apologised for requesting an interview with Bob Marley, the Jamaican reggae legend seen here in 1976, who died 24 years ago.<<<
Now, they shooda jis conjurd up Scroojiz Marley, cuz judjin bah his willinniss ta vizit Scrooj, 'at fella wooda cum fer'n innervyoo in a hartbeet. Wooda made a more fassinatin innervyoo, too.
Bastions of Blunderheads
>>>After the Berlin Wall came down, somebody quipped, "there are but four strongholds of Marxism left now ... China, Cuba, North Korea, and the American university."<<<
(P)
(P)
Monday, April 04, 2005
Seals N Diskriminashn
Ah jis rayud the saaaaadiss story bout a pore Harp seal whoze purrints rejektid him cuz he'z grey, not white. Majin that! (Izzat a bad case o dubble whammee diskriminashn-kum-chahl-abyoos, er whut?)
Where'z the NAACP????? Where'z ole Jesse? Ah thought they wuz fer the unnerdog (mah skoolmarm frin tole me 'at in Jurmun, seelz iz called "see-dogz")!
Ah wunner if that resurchr ah minshund in mah urlyer poss ("Monkeyin Arown)" wood lahk ta studee that seal famlee ta git her a "deepr unnerstandin" bout how "divursitee" don work?
On t'uthr han, mebbe she'd jis do sum forct inne"gray"shn.
"Harpie thinks HE's got problems!
Try spending your whole life with
a smooshed snout!"
Where'z the NAACP????? Where'z ole Jesse? Ah thought they wuz fer the unnerdog (mah skoolmarm frin tole me 'at in Jurmun, seelz iz called "see-dogz")!
Ah wunner if that resurchr ah minshund in mah urlyer poss ("Monkeyin Arown)" wood lahk ta studee that seal famlee ta git her a "deepr unnerstandin" bout how "divursitee" don work?
On t'uthr han, mebbe she'd jis do sum forct inne"gray"shn.
"Harpie thinks HE's got problems!
Try spending your whole life with
a smooshed snout!"
Munkeeyin Arown With 4givniss
A resurchr namd Savage-Rumbaugh iz heddin up a projick studeeyin bonoboz n fergivniss. "By looking at how apes learn to channel certain abilities such as forgiveness, our understanding of these processes becomes infinitely deeper." ROTFL! [Piksher me rollin arown lahk a chimp, doin cartweelz n laffin mahself silly.] It okurrd ta me 'at mebbe if ah had a name like "savij," ah'd need ta studee fergivniss purdy bad, too.
Bud ah reely dowt iss fergivniss on the part o them apes...... More'n likely, iss jis fergitfulniss.
"Oh, THANK you, Holy Father,
for granting me absolution!"
OR:
"Now WAIT a minute! I'm not
paying for some ole indulgence!
Gimme back my MONEY!"
Bud ah reely dowt iss fergivniss on the part o them apes...... More'n likely, iss jis fergitfulniss.
"Oh, THANK you, Holy Father,
for granting me absolution!"
OR:
"Now WAIT a minute! I'm not
paying for some ole indulgence!
Gimme back my MONEY!"
Izzis Sossietee Skitsofrenik Er Whut?
One hedlahn rayud, "Parents Fail 2 Set the Rules on Smoking," n the wun raht unnerneeth rayud, "Heat Killz Lung Cancer."
Then there'z this pair: "Teens OK with Oral," n "Michael Jackson Molested Me."
Ah buhleev it'd be in ordr fer the skoolz ta require a cors in orull hyjeen: it'd include warninz imfasahzin keepin harmfl thangz outta yer mouth (n that cood leed into a much-needid diskushn bout the dezahn of thangz---"Yer lungz warn't DIZAHND fer inhalin smoke, n yer uppr orifiss warn't DIZAHND fer silly paper-wrappt toobza dried leevz, nor fer variuss body parts." Thin, the ultimutt gole'd be ta hav a diskushn bowt whut them teenz themselvs ***iz*** DIZAHND fer).
Then there'z this pair: "Teens OK with Oral," n "Michael Jackson Molested Me."
Ah buhleev it'd be in ordr fer the skoolz ta require a cors in orull hyjeen: it'd include warninz imfasahzin keepin harmfl thangz outta yer mouth (n that cood leed into a much-needid diskushn bout the dezahn of thangz---"Yer lungz warn't DIZAHND fer inhalin smoke, n yer uppr orifiss warn't DIZAHND fer silly paper-wrappt toobza dried leevz, nor fer variuss body parts." Thin, the ultimutt gole'd be ta hav a diskushn bowt whut them teenz themselvs ***iz*** DIZAHND fer).
"New Zealand Grannie Gets Surprise Invite To Royal Wedding"
Furs ov all, ah thank iss hyLARRRRRiuss 'at she livz in a town calld "Greymouth." So how'd she manij ta git that freebee? Turnz out, fer 9 yeerz, she wuz runnin a PR campayn fer Prince Chuck's flame, Camilla----a "be-nice-to-Camilla" campayn.
Ahz wunnrin:
ahz nivr got ta travl; if'n ah stardid a "Be-Nice-Ta-Bush" campayn, ya think he'd fly me ta D.C.?
Ahz wunnrin:
ahz nivr got ta travl; if'n ah stardid a "Be-Nice-Ta-Bush" campayn, ya think he'd fly me ta D.C.?
Burdz Ov A Feather?
Theze here pinguinz at a Japuneze zoo don quite know whut ta mek o that thar Goliuth.
"He's been pumping steroids!"
"I say, that chap's fur is so....so ARTIFICIAL!"
"Looks like a bird-brain to me."
"Come on, King Kong, let's see ya fly!"
Begone, Poleeyester!
Az a seemstriss, ah haz alweez luvd cottn, n it haz broke mah hart to see all thim cottn millz cloze down here in the South, while 'at ole HORRID plastik stuff (aka poleeyestr) haz been swarmin the storez lahk mildoo (ass so stranj, cuz back in the 70's, it wuz an eggzahld fibr).
Wayull, the good newz iz, cottn'z makin a cumback! The milturree needid sumpin at'd ubsorb toxinz w/o lettin'm git ta the skin. Cottn iz the star! They'z dizahnd a dubble-sahdid non-wovin fabrik with a thin layr o carbun inbetween. "The material neutralizes and absorbs toxic chemicals used in chemical warfare and pesticides." N cuz iss not wovin, it kin adapp isself ta all kahna funnee shapes (ov which thar'z loss in the milturree).
See, iss lahk ah alweez say: thar'z nuthin 'at beets the REAL thang!
Wayull, the good newz iz, cottn'z makin a cumback! The milturree needid sumpin at'd ubsorb toxinz w/o lettin'm git ta the skin. Cottn iz the star! They'z dizahnd a dubble-sahdid non-wovin fabrik with a thin layr o carbun inbetween. "The material neutralizes and absorbs toxic chemicals used in chemical warfare and pesticides." N cuz iss not wovin, it kin adapp isself ta all kahna funnee shapes (ov which thar'z loss in the milturree).
See, iss lahk ah alweez say: thar'z nuthin 'at beets the REAL thang!
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Not Blind Like Her Cronies
Oriana Fallaci, former Italian Resistance member during WWII and famous leftist journalist, wrote:
>>>...In Europe your enemies are everywhere, Mr. Bush. What you quietly call "differences of opinion" are in reality pure hate. Because in Europe pacifism is synonymous with anti-Americanism, sir, and accompanied by the most sinister revival of anti-Semitism the anti-Americanism triumphs as much as in the Islamic world. Haven't your ambassadors informed you? Europe is no longer Europe. It is a province of Islam, as Spain and Portugal were at the time of the Moors. It hosts almost 16 million Muslim immigrants and teems with mullahs, imams, mosques, burqas, chadors. It lodges thousands of Islamic terrorists whom governments don't know how to identify and control. People are afraid, and in waving the flag of pacifism -- pacifism synonymous with anti-Americanism -- they feel protected."<<< (WSJ, 3/13/2003)
In the same way people felt "protected" by Chamberlain's "Peace in Our Time." (P)
>>>...In Europe your enemies are everywhere, Mr. Bush. What you quietly call "differences of opinion" are in reality pure hate. Because in Europe pacifism is synonymous with anti-Americanism, sir, and accompanied by the most sinister revival of anti-Semitism the anti-Americanism triumphs as much as in the Islamic world. Haven't your ambassadors informed you? Europe is no longer Europe. It is a province of Islam, as Spain and Portugal were at the time of the Moors. It hosts almost 16 million Muslim immigrants and teems with mullahs, imams, mosques, burqas, chadors. It lodges thousands of Islamic terrorists whom governments don't know how to identify and control. People are afraid, and in waving the flag of pacifism -- pacifism synonymous with anti-Americanism -- they feel protected."<<< (WSJ, 3/13/2003)
In the same way people felt "protected" by Chamberlain's "Peace in Our Time." (P)
Horsing Around Is 4 the Burdz!
>>>...Five jockeys were hurt when a flock of seagulls flew into the path of their horses in a bizarre mid-race mishap.<<<
Them burdz haz a convenshn evry day in the same place thar; ha'd EWE lahk it if'n while yer havin yer powwow with all yer frins, all ov a suddn a buncha mustangz cum barrelin down on yew?
Cum ta thank ov it, sownz kahnda lahk sumpin outta a Hitchcock moovee!
Them burdz haz a convenshn evry day in the same place thar; ha'd EWE lahk it if'n while yer havin yer powwow with all yer frins, all ov a suddn a buncha mustangz cum barrelin down on yew?
Cum ta thank ov it, sownz kahnda lahk sumpin outta a Hitchcock moovee!
Saturday, April 02, 2005
No Joke: Animals Laugh, Too
Yahoo had that az wun o thur headlahnz. Well, o CORS animulz laff: lookit dowgz---they'z got frekwint smilez on thur faciz (Pugz haz a permanint grin pinnd on thurz.) A resurchr named Panksepp (if ewe tranzpoze ledderz, ewe git "SankPepp"----wunner if he'z a Meluncolly?) sez, "rat humor, if it exists, is likely to be heavily laced with slapstick," tho he claimz adult rats iz hyoomerluss; iss the yung-unz 'at's frisky.
Do ewe thank iss the rat-race 'at cawziz'm ta looz thur sins a hyoomr?
Do ewe thank iss the rat-race 'at cawziz'm ta looz thur sins a hyoomr?
Pursunnalidee Flaverz
In mah lass poss, ah insistid 'at mah thankin'z az sharp az the thornz on mah roziz. Wayull, raht away, summun cum back with, "yer pursunalidee matchiz yer thankin." Ah tekkit, he meenz ah ain't dull.
Which brangz me ta wun o mah FAVURT parlur gamez: studyin peepul. Yoo'l recall 'at way back 't the bigginin o mah blawg, ah tawkt 'bout them funnee 4-ledder descripshnz o peeple-types. N o cors, yew'z problee fumilyer with the AnyUhGram. Wayull, ah haz my own sistim o catalogin (the Perfessr helpt me with igzampulz, bud he don git blaymd fer the spellin). Which wun iz yew?
(1) Chili-Pepperz (ah guess ewe cood say ah'z wunna thim): spicy, hot-tungd 'n livelee.
(2) Jello (Clintun): teeter-totteree n wobblee-moruld.
(3) Creem o Wheet (Ford---the prezdint, not the car-invenner): benahnly-borin.
(4) Onyunz: (Lizbuth Tayler) Cryin 'n munipyoolatin.
(5) Materz: (Hitler) Angry 'n blustry ("red in the face").
(6) Lemonz: (Mahler---) Sour 'n dusty.
(7) Eggz: (Bin Laddin) Slippree 'n cunnin
(8) Pound Cake: (Aunt Bee) Sweet 'n solid
PS: ah thank iss called "pursunnalidee" cuz each ov us iz a "bag o thots"
Which brangz me ta wun o mah FAVURT parlur gamez: studyin peepul. Yoo'l recall 'at way back 't the bigginin o mah blawg, ah tawkt 'bout them funnee 4-ledder descripshnz o peeple-types. N o cors, yew'z problee fumilyer with the AnyUhGram. Wayull, ah haz my own sistim o catalogin (the Perfessr helpt me with igzampulz, bud he don git blaymd fer the spellin). Which wun iz yew?
(1) Chili-Pepperz (ah guess ewe cood say ah'z wunna thim): spicy, hot-tungd 'n livelee.
(2) Jello (Clintun): teeter-totteree n wobblee-moruld.
(3) Creem o Wheet (Ford---the prezdint, not the car-invenner): benahnly-borin.
(4) Onyunz: (Lizbuth Tayler) Cryin 'n munipyoolatin.
(5) Materz: (Hitler) Angry 'n blustry ("red in the face").
(6) Lemonz: (Mahler---) Sour 'n dusty.
(7) Eggz: (Bin Laddin) Slippree 'n cunnin
(8) Pound Cake: (Aunt Bee) Sweet 'n solid
PS: ah thank iss called "pursunnalidee" cuz each ov us iz a "bag o thots"
Friday, April 01, 2005
Thankin Iz the Seeds o Akshnz
Thar it is agin, the blather about bein in a "vegitative" state: but in realiddee, the wurd "vejitatin" don discrahb nuthin 'cepp the brayn-mildoo o thoze who keep spoutin it.
Inspite o googlin, ah kint fahnd the awther (Orwell?) who made the famuss statement bout sloppee langwij leedin ta sloppee thankin. (Now don go pointin at mah spellin! Thar'z a diffurnce tween caviteed spellin, and sloppy thankin! My thankin'z az shurp az the thornz on mah rozis!)
Seems ta me lahk the ixpreshn "vegitative state" haz been arown fer bout the same lengtha tahm az "kwaliddy o lahf." Fact, ah seez'm az brutherz. Both ov'm REEK o incipyunt Nazism (got 'at wurd frum the Perfessr!): git a sossietee ta yooz them toxik turms long enuff, and yew'z got a sossietee az calluss az the wun 'at uhdord Hitler n "saw no evil" in regardz ta all the yoothanazha n deportashnz o Jewz 'n uther innercints.
Sumtahmz, ah wish we had a "langwij puhtrowl." But thin agin, mebbe not...cuz ahd be thur furss victum.
Inspite o googlin, ah kint fahnd the awther (Orwell?) who made the famuss statement bout sloppee langwij leedin ta sloppee thankin. (Now don go pointin at mah spellin! Thar'z a diffurnce tween caviteed spellin, and sloppy thankin! My thankin'z az shurp az the thornz on mah rozis!)
Seems ta me lahk the ixpreshn "vegitative state" haz been arown fer bout the same lengtha tahm az "kwaliddy o lahf." Fact, ah seez'm az brutherz. Both ov'm REEK o incipyunt Nazism (got 'at wurd frum the Perfessr!): git a sossietee ta yooz them toxik turms long enuff, and yew'z got a sossietee az calluss az the wun 'at uhdord Hitler n "saw no evil" in regardz ta all the yoothanazha n deportashnz o Jewz 'n uther innercints.
Sumtahmz, ah wish we had a "langwij puhtrowl." But thin agin, mebbe not...cuz ahd be thur furss victum.
T'Oppuzzit o the Min Frum the Lass Poss
Theze here iz reel **MEN**!! >>>Organizers of a major erotic festival are closing for business in Manchester [Inglund] due to a lack of interest, which they blame on recalcitrant northern English men.<<< (Az the Perfessr poinid out, the festivul isself ain't "urrawtik," but the stuff they sellz iz.)
"Recalcitrunt"? Ah see "calcium" innat wurd. So, mebbe them men haz nuff natchrul Viagra where they don need no extra rubbish ta "help thangz along"........
Oh, the Prfessr jus edjook8id me 'at the wurd meenz "ruzzistunt." Wayull, thass evn beddr: a man who ruzziss urrawtik inticemints iz a man full o backbone.
Thassit: they'z got lossa calcium in thur spahn!
"Recalcitrunt"? Ah see "calcium" innat wurd. So, mebbe them men haz nuff natchrul Viagra where they don need no extra rubbish ta "help thangz along"........
Oh, the Prfessr jus edjook8id me 'at the wurd meenz "ruzzistunt." Wayull, thass evn beddr: a man who ruzziss urrawtik inticemints iz a man full o backbone.
Thassit: they'z got lossa calcium in thur spahn!
Whut Kahnda Trade-Off Izzat?
>>>Viagra May Cause Vision Loss<<<
Thass sad, bud ah knowz min so obsessed with the gloreez of Viagra, they'd be more'n willin ta make the trade.
Cors a pursun cood point out 'at they had tunnel vizhn ta biggin with...
Thass sad, bud ah knowz min so obsessed with the gloreez of Viagra, they'd be more'n willin ta make the trade.
Cors a pursun cood point out 'at they had tunnel vizhn ta biggin with...
Munoor'z Gittin More Ornry All the Tahm!!!!
Laydist stunt it haz pulld iz infectin kidz with E-colleye ('zat rlatid ta Pink Eye?). How? Wayull, iss the leffovr droppinz frum cridderz at pettin' zooz. Evidintlee, the problum'z bin inkreesin in the pass 5 yeerz.
Now, watch, nixt moove bah the byoorercrats'll be bannin pettin zooz. (S the furss step toward whut ah wuz discrahbin az the "slooshn" ta pllooshn in mah lass poss.)
Now, watch, nixt moove bah the byoorercrats'll be bannin pettin zooz. (S the furss step toward whut ah wuz discrahbin az the "slooshn" ta pllooshn in mah lass poss.)
FurBlizzrdz 'n Pullooshn
'Bout 3x/year, Wubbit, mah mini-Rex rabbit, goze into his "blizzrd" mode: sheddin hyooj snowflake-lahk wadza fur. This goze on fer 1.5-2+ months. Wayull, 'cordin ta sum Jurmun sahyuntist named Jaehneke, mah rabbit iz parda the pllooshn problum.
Kin ewe buhLEEEEVE that? Shore nuff, n nod onlee animl hair, but pollin and hyoomun skin cellz iz also culprits. Mah, mah, mebbe we jis need ta do a "scorcht urth" polissee? Ewe know, voluntary self-dissappeerin act: no more hyoomunz, no more flaherz, n no more critterz. After all, nuthin'z more impordunt than the air, raht?
Cept o cors that if'n all 3 o thoze groops iz gone, thin the pllooshn won maddr no more.
Kum ta thank ov it, mebbe thass whut happnd on sum o thim nekkid planits in oudder space?
Kin ewe buhLEEEEVE that? Shore nuff, n nod onlee animl hair, but pollin and hyoomun skin cellz iz also culprits. Mah, mah, mebbe we jis need ta do a "scorcht urth" polissee? Ewe know, voluntary self-dissappeerin act: no more hyoomunz, no more flaherz, n no more critterz. After all, nuthin'z more impordunt than the air, raht?
Cept o cors that if'n all 3 o thoze groops iz gone, thin the pllooshn won maddr no more.
Kum ta thank ov it, mebbe thass whut happnd on sum o thim nekkid planits in oudder space?
Welcum "Back"!!
All right, it ain't no April Fool'z joke: ah has definitlee "relokatid" ta this new uhddress. Sorry fer the constant chanjiz, butchoo kin jis "thank" the cyber-Hun who tornado'd my ole blog. (He'z whud ah'd call a "free radikul.")
Cuppla chanjiz here:
Furss ov all, no more comments at the blog isself. If ewe'd lahk ta reply, yer welcum ta email me. If ah fahndjer respons innerstin enuff ta commint on, then ah'll poss that in the blawg. (Ah don hav the inerjee or the tahm ta replah ta everee commint, so don tekk offins if ewe don hear boutcher commint on mah blawg.)
Sekund, ah made a brake-thru!!!! Ah twistid thur armz! Frum now on, ewe might be seein poss not jis frum me, bud also frum skoolmarm 'n the Perfessr. They will sign thur poss "SK" n "P" respectivlee. Ah iz soooo thrulld at they'z willin ta kntribyoot: thur input will inrich 'n inlahvn this here blawg knsidrubblee. Ah thank y'all will be pleezd ta hav the vriuhtee.
Cuppla chanjiz here:
Furss ov all, no more comments at the blog isself. If ewe'd lahk ta reply, yer welcum ta email me. If ah fahndjer respons innerstin enuff ta commint on, then ah'll poss that in the blawg. (Ah don hav the inerjee or the tahm ta replah ta everee commint, so don tekk offins if ewe don hear boutcher commint on mah blawg.)
Sekund, ah made a brake-thru!!!! Ah twistid thur armz! Frum now on, ewe might be seein poss not jis frum me, bud also frum skoolmarm 'n the Perfessr. They will sign thur poss "SK" n "P" respectivlee. Ah iz soooo thrulld at they'z willin ta kntribyoot: thur input will inrich 'n inlahvn this here blawg knsidrubblee. Ah thank y'all will be pleezd ta hav the vriuhtee.
Jis Lahk Ah Wuz Sayin
Whew, whud a timpist the lass 12 hourz has bin! Az minny ov ewe know, mah blawg wuz the targit of sum cyber-barbaryunz. (Ahz still not outta the woodz, bec. iss still givin me all kahnz o grief.) Ah coon't git mah blawg front-page ta show up frum the oussahd, only bah goin inside the blawg. (T'only thang that'd show up was a oliv-green screen plus sum sorta li'l arrow pointin leff, with a exkluhmashn mark at the "neck" o the arrowhayud.) Plus, they had cauzd all mah poss to uhppeer in the larjist type, mekkin mah blawg look kinnygarnerish and unperfeshnull (all raht, ah know, mah spellin duz 'at job all bah isself).
Ah wuz crackin mah skull, tryin n tryin ta figyoor out whut that ole arrer mint. Well, skoolmarm frin ta the reskyoo! (T'warn't fer nuthin that in her yungr dayz, the NSA wannid ta hire her.) She figyoord out the meenin ov the arrer, plus she also haz a idee who the purpuhtradr maht be."Granny, do you recall my reading you that article entitled 'Go Right, Young Man, Go Right'?" Ah shorely did. "Well, that arrow's a clever play on that title. The idea is, 'Go Left, old woman.' " Oh, ah see: sumbuddee out thar kint hack the trooth. Az skoolmarm put it, "These days, Gleichschaltung is assaulting from the Left, not the Right. "
Well, ledd'm. Ahz a tuff ole bird. Gleichschaltung cumz n goze, bud ahz been here alreddy fer 103 yeerz.
Ah wuz crackin mah skull, tryin n tryin ta figyoor out whut that ole arrer mint. Well, skoolmarm frin ta the reskyoo! (T'warn't fer nuthin that in her yungr dayz, the NSA wannid ta hire her.) She figyoord out the meenin ov the arrer, plus she also haz a idee who the purpuhtradr maht be."Granny, do you recall my reading you that article entitled 'Go Right, Young Man, Go Right'?" Ah shorely did. "Well, that arrow's a clever play on that title. The idea is, 'Go Left, old woman.' " Oh, ah see: sumbuddee out thar kint hack the trooth. Az skoolmarm put it, "These days, Gleichschaltung is assaulting from the Left, not the Right. "
Well, ledd'm. Ahz a tuff ole bird. Gleichschaltung cumz n goze, bud ahz been here alreddy fer 103 yeerz.
Sparkt By A Preevyuss Intree
Aftr she postid her intree, skoolmarm'n me wuz discussin the whole drugs epidemik. N it made me thank o sumpin relatid: ah do recall in BRAVE NEW WORLD how all them folk wuz takin (lejit) drugz fer feelin beddr emoshnullee. Whuss so skeery iz how much thass cum TROO! Thank a all the folk on Paxil er Prozac er Effexor er Zoloft er the minnee utherz. N wuss so sad iz zat them powderz n poshnz don reelly solv the unnerlyin problim.
Fer igzample, ah haz ubzervd that if a persun taks sumpin aginst anger outburss, shore, mebbe that persun no longr blowz their fyooz. But don kidjerseff 'at they'z kyoord. No sirree! Insted, their anger goze "unnergrown." Mebbe the medikayshn they're takin ax az sum sorda "buffer" between them 'n their feelinz, but it don root out the akshull disorder. It jis disguiziz itself into sumpin more suttl. The maluhdee'z still thar, but in a mawdified form---a much more toxik form at that. Whereaz buhfor, they mighta knockt sumbuddee'z face bluddy, now, they "jis" julienne uther folk in a todallee bluddliss way----or if ewe will, they uhpply a verbl cawstik 'at napalmz away "unner the skin" o the victim.
N thin, a pursn lahk 'at wunnerz wha evrbodee runz away.
Fer igzample, ah haz ubzervd that if a persun taks sumpin aginst anger outburss, shore, mebbe that persun no longr blowz their fyooz. But don kidjerseff 'at they'z kyoord. No sirree! Insted, their anger goze "unnergrown." Mebbe the medikayshn they're takin ax az sum sorda "buffer" between them 'n their feelinz, but it don root out the akshull disorder. It jis disguiziz itself into sumpin more suttl. The maluhdee'z still thar, but in a mawdified form---a much more toxik form at that. Whereaz buhfor, they mighta knockt sumbuddee'z face bluddy, now, they "jis" julienne uther folk in a todallee bluddliss way----or if ewe will, they uhpply a verbl cawstik 'at napalmz away "unner the skin" o the victim.
N thin, a pursn lahk 'at wunnerz wha evrbodee runz away.
Who Tawt Who?
>>>Police: Former Chief Tried to Eat Evidence<<<
>>>Inmate Swallows Handcuff Key<<<
Uther kweschun: Hah in blaziz did 'at inm8 git that thar key? N o corse, short o surjree, thar'z only wun way ta retreev it...
PS: mah skoolmarm frin tole me the lass wurd in mah titl shood be "whom," but ah thank in mah blawg, 'at'd be whut the Perfessr'd call a "breech o style."
>>>Inmate Swallows Handcuff Key<<<
Uther kweschun: Hah in blaziz did 'at inm8 git that thar key? N o corse, short o surjree, thar'z only wun way ta retreev it...
PS: mah skoolmarm frin tole me the lass wurd in mah titl shood be "whom," but ah thank in mah blawg, 'at'd be whut the Perfessr'd call a "breech o style."
We Innerup the Yoozhwul Blawg "Broadcasts"...
Ah'd lahk ta allow my skoolmarm frin ta post an entry here, cuz iss (yoozin her wurdz) "germane to your most recent topic, Granny."-------
On another blog, there was a comment about the benefit of Google's no longer making "hate speech" sites available (it's amazing the kinds of things that Google censors as "hate speech"). Opined the writer, this kind of deletion "may keep impressionable young people from reading them, not to mention acting out on some doit [sic] yourself ethnic cleansing."
But of course, it's perfectly harmless and educational for young people to saturate themselves with all the sewage in Rock and Rap (excrescences which do not merit the classification of "music"---as Mick Jagger so forthrightly put it, "It's noise we make; you can call it music if you want"), where they are not only propagandized into abusing drugs and raping/mutilating women, but also into violence against the "fuzz" and the government. (I am reminded of Ted Bundy who admitted that "it all started with soft porn.")
And further, it's imperative that at public "schools", at taxpayers' expense, we incite the teens to fornicate, nay, to sodomize----to "discover the Gay or Lesbian within", to learn how to stretch condoms over cucumbers and other such superlative skills for living life at its best.
All the while, Johnny can't even read or write...
On another blog, there was a comment about the benefit of Google's no longer making "hate speech" sites available (it's amazing the kinds of things that Google censors as "hate speech"). Opined the writer, this kind of deletion "may keep impressionable young people from reading them, not to mention acting out on some doit [sic] yourself ethnic cleansing."
But of course, it's perfectly harmless and educational for young people to saturate themselves with all the sewage in Rock and Rap (excrescences which do not merit the classification of "music"---as Mick Jagger so forthrightly put it, "It's noise we make; you can call it music if you want"), where they are not only propagandized into abusing drugs and raping/mutilating women, but also into violence against the "fuzz" and the government. (I am reminded of Ted Bundy who admitted that "it all started with soft porn.")
And further, it's imperative that at public "schools", at taxpayers' expense, we incite the teens to fornicate, nay, to sodomize----to "discover the Gay or Lesbian within", to learn how to stretch condoms over cucumbers and other such superlative skills for living life at its best.
All the while, Johnny can't even read or write...
Uncensorubl Kwotes
>>>The First Amendment guarantees freedom of all speech and all expression, even if, in the words of Judge Felix Frankfurter, they "speak foolishly and without moderation."...Aryeh Neier and David Goldberger defended Frank Collin.<<<
>>>Laws should be neither a psychiatrist nor a babysitter.<<< (Jonathan Rick)
>>>...all members of the academic community have the right to hold and to express views that others may find repugnant, offensive or emotionally distressing.<<< (ACLU policy mtg. 1990)
>>>The unfettered exchange of ideas, including those that are provocative and controversial, is not only guaranteed by the Constitution, but is also essential to the mission of the University and to a free society.<<< (Jordan Budd, ACLU Managing Attorney)
>>>"It is technically impossible to write an anti-speech code that cannot be twisted against speech nobody means to bar. It has been tried and tried and tried." <<< (Eleonor Holmes Norton)
>>>The social climate is suddenly less tolerant to free expression across a wide range of issues. One theme in all of these cases is that we can adjust our concept of free speech, slice off a few tiny corners and leave the core intact. But that's the argument that's always been used to justify restricting speech.<<< (Geoffrey Stone, Dean, U of Chic. Law School)
>>>Laws should be neither a psychiatrist nor a babysitter.<<< (Jonathan Rick)
>>>...all members of the academic community have the right to hold and to express views that others may find repugnant, offensive or emotionally distressing.<<< (ACLU policy mtg. 1990)
>>>The unfettered exchange of ideas, including those that are provocative and controversial, is not only guaranteed by the Constitution, but is also essential to the mission of the University and to a free society.<<< (Jordan Budd, ACLU Managing Attorney)
>>>"It is technically impossible to write an anti-speech code that cannot be twisted against speech nobody means to bar. It has been tried and tried and tried." <<< (Eleonor Holmes Norton)
>>>The social climate is suddenly less tolerant to free expression across a wide range of issues. One theme in all of these cases is that we can adjust our concept of free speech, slice off a few tiny corners and leave the core intact. But that's the argument that's always been used to justify restricting speech.<<< (Geoffrey Stone, Dean, U of Chic. Law School)
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