More Hayulp Fer Hiz Limpin Highpawthississ

Iss uhmazin!  Ah'z jiss discuvrd wunna them missin linx Darwinz theery so desprutly needz!  

 
Ainit sumpin?!  Looks fer awl the wurl lahk a crawss between a duck, a jraff n a clam radjoola (or mebbe a sordfish).  Mah name fer it wood be "Quackraffjoola."

Google haz dunnit agin! Ah plugged in the imuj ov the rainbow fish ta fahn sum utherz. Google decided it wuz sumpin todully diffurnt...














Yew thank mebbe Google needz glassiz?  

Iz we revurtn ta belief in the Roman Godz?

"They are not identical twins, which are generally believed to be conceived by chance."  Whut???  Since whin iz chance fertl?

Mekks Me See Rayud!

T'uthr dee, ah run uhcrosst sumpin tawkin bowt muthrz "redshirtn" thur yungunz.   Turnz owt, iss a turm fer keepn yer yungun owtta kinnygardn an extry yeer.

Cooda foold me:  ah thunk 'at mint gittn'm good'n reddy fer ahr Marxist-run indoctrinashn cennrz, aka "skoolz."

Why Dial-Up Izza Mixt Blessin

Right now, Google'z sellybraytn Les Polz birthday with a speshl imuj (they do this with a lodda thangz'n folk).  Now, mah fawssilized compyoodr furss showed this:

 

which made me thank:  fancy that! 'at thar feller creatid a braille gueetar!  But then ah wuz evn mohr uhmayzed when it finished downloadin:

How'd he go'n mekk a lectric gueetar with hat pins and glasshead seamstress pins?!?  I reckon he muss be a vuri froogull invennor (mebbe evn a sticklr fer akkrussy).

Bitter Pill Ta Swaller

Lookit this!  Iss Ibuprofin'z kimmikl struckshr.

Built right inta the vuri fiber o the med is a warnin!

Ah reckon ah'z stayin away frum that stuff!

Invurtid If Yew Ask Me

Whin yer bonez haz bin arown fer a hunnert'n 9 yeerz lahk mahn, painkillerz at tahmz iz yer bess frinz. So, pleez hepp me unnerstan why they'z cawled "antagonists" then? Seemz ta me that pain'z the antagonist!

Feelin 4lorn

You remimbr this fella? Ah reckun millyunz a yungunz over sevrull jinrashnz had him az their awnerary "gawdfathr," prezidin ovr minny a brekffuss table az a silent guest. Oats wuz a cheap'n helthy way ta feed a passel o squawkerz, n yew cood find Mr. Q on any shelf where surryull wuz sold.

Majin mah consternashn t'uthr day when ah coon't locate him nowhere in mah local large grocery store (part of a huge chain)! He wuz still imployd bowt 2 yeerz uhgo! Whut, izzis a case of PC gone haywire? Izzit parda the mintaliddy of the croosade aginst creches? Are they paranoid bowt permotin "rlijun" ta kids az parta thur daily nurrishmint? ("Man shall not live by brayud alown, but....")

Ah'z feelin mighty displaced 'n downheartid. But evn mohr, Mr. Q'z disappearance sez sumpin bowt ahr society: fer dekaydz now, thar'z bin awl this brouhaha bowt eatin more ruffage, and the pass few yeerz, the whole "Green" nonsince to boot, so you'd think't Mr. Q'z produkk'd be in evn greater demand than evr buhfore. Instedd, the only manner o oats yew kin buy innymohr izzem itty-bitty packets o processed confetti, the type't haz tunza unhelthy additivz ta boot.

Deliver us frum the corprut dominashn o the food supply.

Why Ah'z Gittn Poorer Evr Day

(aka why Californiyay wint bankrupp)

Ah jiss got this frum Skoolmarm:

Location: 99c Store

Actors: Mexican couple in their 60's in the line ahead of me

They passed their card thru the machine; clerk looks skeptically at the receipt that came out. "OK, you used your EBT card. You need to use your credit card." She redoes the transaction herself for them.

Now, don't kid yourself: they didn't do that by accident. They tried to get 99c stuff on the EBT card! (EBT is the electronic card for what used to be called food stamps.) And remember, EBT purchases are not charged any sales tax!

Chamber O Horrerz, Here We Kum

(aka, "Welcome back, Dr. Mengele!")

Ah thunk it wuz ghassly when they furss started tawkin bowt clonin yoomunz, but ah jiss run acrosst this, which is Dr. Strangelove ta the 100th exponint.










Yew reckun 'ass why in the furss chptr. o Genesis, He keeps repeating "after their own kind"? He knowd man wuz gonna git inta this witchiz brew mixin. (Izzis the ultimate rezult o Nawminlizm-gone-haywire?)

Their Vurzhn O The Brew

Atheeizm: the opyut o the (Leftiss) innerlekshlz.

Virtual Temple Tower

Ah jis dun larned that the noomurrikl ekwivlnt o the Hebrew letter "w" (wau) is 6, so "www" = 666. Yew reckun 'at meenz the innernet iz the cyber-ziggurat?

Marquis De Sade's Society

Skoolmarm wuncet tole me bowt a stoont's essay: the Easter Bunny come by and leff a baskit fulla barf on the doorstep. Thin thar'z the screamin'-faced babydoll I saw recintly hangin down the inside of a car winder: its fingertips wuz pinched in the tip o the clozed winder. And o course, yew'z seed them candy eyebawlz in stores rown Halloween seezn. Seemz like it awl startid back in bowt '94 with them skulls on awl manner o fabrix fer men: ah cawl it the Gladiator-Game Syndrome. Iss a obseshn with the vile and the pyootrid.

Ah happin ta luv varmints, speshly coonz. Bowt 2 yeerz uhgo ah wuz hartbroke n sickened ta find 2 o them darlinz dead by the side of the road near mah howse: they had bin horribly mangled (evidintly at the same time), so ah cood hardly restrain my teerz---or my fyoory---when ah jiss done cum acrosst this here "toy":

Shoah II, here we cum...

Number Me Amungst The Dowterz

Iss troo, mah name tellz ewe awl yew need ta know bowt me; it din't jiss drop owtta the sky like sum sorda medeorite.

So, evn tho ah haz nuthn but kntimpt fer awl this hawgwash, jiss fer kicks, ah plugged mah "valyooz" in, n theez wuz the rezults. Furss, mah name:

Expression: 36 / 9
You have a vision of a perfect world [ah shore do; iss described in depth in the book o REVELASHN.] Forgiveness, Love and altruism are the path you walk. [What still did that calkyooladr sip frum?] You are the idealist, and you do everything in your power to live up to your ideals in order to be a good example for others to follow. Inside, you know that you will be imitated, so you are extremely aware of your every "imperfection". [Lass clawz iz right, but that furss wun'z anuthr still-sip glitsch.] Letting go of people and places when you have fulfilled your role with them is an important lesson for you. ['Ass awright: ah know thar'z folk who kint tawlrate the fack that ah refyooz ta giv up the ghost.] There are many that need to be touched by your wisdom. [Zackly. 'Ass whut this here blawg iz fer.]

Soul Urge: 19 / 10 / 1
You are the essence of individuality and independence. [Still sip effeck musta weared off.] You are intense and convicted when it comes to defending your beliefs [hear, hear!], as you never doubt your inner strength [wayull, ah needz ta draw dayly frum the Cleschull Cistern] and ability to handle any challenge. Many are inspired by your confidence, while others may feel irritated and view it as arrogance. [Bullzeye.] You are likely to attract people and situations that allow you to express this part of yourself or else they will mirror these traits back to you.

Personality: 17 / 8
There is an air of affluence [?!?!?! Still-sip-struck again, sigh...] about you, no matter your station in life. People assume you are in control [ov mah blawg, yes; but thass awl]. You give the impression that you are the best at what you do ['ass right: todully yooneek blawg here], so naturally others look to you for leadership. You have an eye for quality and no matter what it takes you dress for success. Designer clothing of the highest quality is certainly your preference. [LAFFFFFFFFin mah fanny off!] People cluster around you hoping that some of that luck is contagious.

Here'z whut mah complete burthdate spozidly showz:

You have a Life Path 9 [az in "9 Livez"?]. The route of idealists [ah'z a idealist gawn ta seed, aka sinnik].

You have chosen to know the experience of the ideal, the noble causes, of the sensitivity [skin'z purdy lethry, akshly] and the great horizons [moss folk thank us Ozark hix iz prokyull]. It is a path which favours travels, external and internal. This route will offer you a lot of experiences, instructive meetings and the possibility to cultivate your talent but also a particular sensitivity often turn towards altruism ["altruizm"? Wayull, shore, ah hate inny'n awl lyin]. The figure 9 symbolises the end of a cycle [why?] and the beginning of the following one that will be lived with a higher level of consciousness [ah don wanna liv anuthr hunnert'n 8 yeerz, thankee].

If you are able to free yourself from the hold of material contingencies of your life [az ah wrote a fyoo yeerz ago, "toothliss, shoeliss, clooliss"], you can establish these ideas and realise your vocation [ah'z bin doin jiss fahn az a disurner]. This path can drive you towards greater horizons [ah'z nevr bin inclined ta do no truck with quiffs], familiarise you with more vast perspectives across culture, ecology, research, teaching, travelling, meeting people, altruism, humanism, sometimes with a large public [Uh huh, 'ass right: wuncet in a while, when ah really gits them Sosho-Plitikl Termites' goat, then ah gits more hits here].

It is also an itinerary of emotions, internal travels, knowledge, unselfish action, avant-garde ideas which will imply your sensitivity [ah alweez thunk "avant-garde" wuz the awpuzzitt o "sinsitive"!], subtlety and open-mindedness. You will have to face some passionate events with profound repercussions (for you). Overall, a path of success and protection, favourable to travellers and altruistic, tolerant people as well as all those who will have known how to turn their sensitivity into a talent. [Camou-speak fer Sosho-Plitikl Turmites who knowz how ta bamboozl folk inta givvn'm grants.]

But be careful not to get lost in impulses or passions that overtake you. It will be important to develop a certain prudence. In some cases take a back seat so as not to be dragged along toward ambiguous objective or into a tendency for illusions and sadness. [Ah alweez thunka myself az the arch realist.] Keep your spirits high, while holding on firmly to the helm of your life. Learn to open yourself to the world but without forgetting, neglecting yourself or you will risk disappointments and even losses. This until you understand that it is a matter of a bad approach on your part because your base support must be found within yourself and not outside. [If yew unnerstan that thar lass sintinss, ah'z nawminatn yew fer the Nobel Prize in Glossolalia.]

Famous people with a Life Path 9 :
Charles Lindberg (first Atlantic crossing by plane), Baden Powell, M. Gandhi, La Fayette, Edmund Hillary (first on Mt. Everest), Jean-jacques Rousseau (famous social writer), Elvis Presley, Brigitte Bardot [how ah got classt in with them lass 2 iz a mystree ta me!].

Pannin 4 Gold In The Soul

Yew ever hear o sumpin cawled "Sandplay Thurruppy"? I guess thass a ardifishly indoossed type o "2nd Chilehood." (Why do that mekk me thank o when Summun Important said sumpin bowt not buildin yer howse on sand...) Seemz like yew cood git it cheaper jiss by goin ta the beach.

Yew reckun that the "gradjoout" verzhn ov it iz "Mudpie Thurruppy"? (Whutchoo guffawin fer? After awl, thar'z sech a thang'z mudbathz n facemasks made o mud, too!)

Talk Bowt Stuffed Ta The Gillz!

Yew'z hurd a stuffed crabz, stuffed pepperz n devilld aygz, n o course, turkeez alweez gets sum sorda ersatz-innurdz fer T-Day 'n Krissmuss, but in this case, summun din't even bother ta unwrap the stuffin they put in theez guys! (Izzis a vuryashn ov the Granny who yoozed "unknvinchnl" spiciz in her cookin?")

Diskriminashn Wood Be A Plus

Thangz'z kum to a purdy pass whin yer smoke detektr shrillz atcher b.o.!

High Cost of Exstassy

We'z awl heerd the ixpreshn, "Burstin with joy." But, the male honeybee tekks this to a ixtreem!

Yew reckun mebbe the feminaziz awtta dopp the queen bee az thur simbull?

Fawlse Flagz Guhlohr

They're gittin mohr'n mohr desprutt, ain't they: the latist vuryashn ov Phelps (their prime shill) is this alleged Von Brunn charuktur. Keep uppin the ante so that thur cherished uhjindah of bein abl ta press gun kntrowl 'n "hate crimez" will roar ahead. (BTW, ah'z now ov the 'pinyun that like Mike Savij, Ann Coulter iz anuthr shill o therz.) Iss awl so wearyin---not jiss the Sosho-Plitikl Turmites' constant yoos o blood'n gore ta mekk t'uthr sahd look bayud, but the fack that the Murrikn public jiss dossilee goze along with it.

Mengele Lives

They like ta bleeve the Nazis lost WW2, but if yew'z follered mah blawg, yoo know ah'z claimed awl along't tho them Brownshirts wuz crushed plitikly, they triumphed in a much more insidjuss way: the continuin rayn o the Mengele mentality (man ain't nuthn but mattr, expendabl and dispozabl @ will). This article is just another iggzampl ov it.