Strange Safe Deposit!

Ah just done gone run inta this here paintin and thank iss beeYOOOteeful. N funny too (that thar king playin horse with the Baby Jesus 'n all). But sumpin here puzzlz me ta no ind: them gold plates they'z wearin. Whatchoo mekka them? (N how do they keep'm ONNNN? The fella on the right is obviously fussin ta keep hiz frum fallin off.) Why would they be wearin gold plates? Wuzzat thur vuriashn o stashin all thur loot unner the mattriss?

Sam'n Ellie

Ah'z bin havin gizzurd problimz, so the Perfessr muttered sumpin bowt a ailmint cawld Sam'n Ellie. Sez it gits inta yer carcuss n reeks havick. But ah'z todully flummoxt: why in blue blaziz wood sum murried cuppl wanna camp owt in mah innurdz, n how in tarnation would they fit thru mah mouth---n without me nevr evn seein'm!-----much less, how'd they be able to hunker down in mah gizzurd? Ah mean, iss true ah feel purdy awrful, but thar ain't no buljiz or the feeling o totin huge rocks arown down thar.

Unless it wuz sum vurzhn o "Honey, ah shrunk the kids"?

Shot Thru With Holes

Them Globullists iz loozin it: whut, Englewood AGIN? N anuthr (spozzidly) disgrunnld yungun. Now, if this goes by the yoozhwull (by now hohum) scripp, nex thang yew'll hear frum the fambly 'n frinz iz, "this ain't the Matthew we knowd." (Oh, n btw, mekkin it a "Christian" homeschooled fella this time [thar wuz unuthr one, a sooeyside, sum time back, but he wuz seklur] iz dezigned ta knvay the messij---uhgin, fer the umpteenth time---"See, the violence virus is striking everywhere! You need SuperGovernment [totalitarianism] to protect you!")

Zzzzzzzz....Iss gittin effete.

Plastik Partnerz

"Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners" is a thesis written by an A.I. resurchr. Now, if yew'z lahk me, when ewe read that thar title, yew'z thankin iss talkin bowt folk who ain't jinyoowine in thur ruppor with thur mate. Thar'z lossa folk runnin arown who'z jis sum sorda actorz---the perfessr callz it a "pursona." They'z wearin purmanint masks; they'z playin a role (or sevrull, depindin on who they'z with), but nobuddy nevr gits ta see the real them.

Wayull, turnz owt, thass not whut the thesis iz abowt. No sirree, iss akslhly bowt murryin robots! Kin yew majin? In uthr wurdz, yew'd go'n git hitched to wunna thim lifelike dollz ah wrote abowt sevrull munss back. (See mah June intreez bowt androidz.) Ah'z floored! Bud ah guess iss a maddr ov todull kntrol over yer mate. That part would defnittly uhgree with me, but the part I'd find gassly iz: how kin a body with a soul be saddisfied with a body thass hollow to the core? Woon't that be the ultimutt imptiniss? Shadez o "That's The Way I Always Heard It Should Be" to the 1000th ixponint!

Ah reckun they'd have ta mekk a trip ta Oz fer him ta instawl a real soul...

Suspishnz Knfirmd

Ah kepp lookin fer a clue, n ah jis fown it: 'at thar young Peterson feller, the wun't wint on that shootin spree in Crandon, WI, he had recently finished Special Forces like trainin.

THAT's where the mind control cumz in. The uthr clue for that is the usual refrain from folk who knowed him: "This isn't the [insert shooter'z name] we knew!" Course not: his mind-controlled alter ego kicked in jiss long enuff ta do the dasturdly deed, then returned ta normal mode.

Libratin The Yungunz Frum Printul Tyrrny

"I would free children from being indoctrinated with the religion of their parents or their community." Instead, o course, you'd indoctrinate'm with yore fundamintalist Secularizm, aka Modernizm'z Stealth Rlijun.

Dear ole Dawkins; he wuz born too late n in the wrong country: the Sawvyets cooda yoozd hiz survissuz in thur own efforts o Gleichschaltung. Who knowz? Mebbe he wooda saved that pachyderm system from collapse.

Echoes of Cho & Milkman & Church Shootin &....

No doubt yew'z rayud bowt the latist shootin, thar in sum podunk town in WI. Oh, they'z got tired braynz, them globullists! Same ole same ole: Cho wuz upset bowt gurlz not luvvin him, Amish Milkman had sumpin ginst femaylz, n this here shooter spozzidly wuz gittin back @ his formr gurlfrin...

A li'l more imajinashn ta cuvver their m.o. might make the globullists' fingerprints a bit less obviuss. In inny case, they ain't in no way gonna cease n desiss frum MKUltrazashn o disgrunneld types. Meanwhile, the publick gits more'n more yewzta the idee that gun kntrowl'z the only slooshn...

Blowin Smoke In Ahr Faciz

If iss true that murrij iz the latist RX fer depreshn, then pleez tell me why so minny wivez iz on trankwullizerz n anti-depressunts? N why thar'z so much divorce? N why ah'z bin depreshn-free since the minnit the Ole Man died?

Solve The Wurl'z Problimz

Ah'z headid fer a Nobel Prize: ah jiss figurrd owt how ta make the whole wurl one big yootopyer. Yew'z hurda that thar statement that "90% of what we worry about never happens." Awright, so furss, we needz sum kingkong-kuppacity kumpyooderz. Next, program'm to thank up millyunz n mullyunz of horrible thangz. Then, assign X number of them 'pyoodr-jinneratid scenarios to each 'n every ciddizin on the plannit ta wurry abowt, n vwalah! Only 10% o them scenarioz'll every mutturryullize.

Fergit Thim Uther Noshunz!

Here ah wuz wastin tahm tryin ta figgur owt how ta sell popsikklz 'n lipbalm frum mah still, when whut a shoulda dun eonz ago izzis (how do ah git me mah own kiln post haste?):

In a warehouse in Sarasota, Fla., a company called Gemesis is growing diamonds in two dozen or so high-pressure, high-temperature crystal growth chambers, each the size of a washing machine. Within each chamber, a tiny sliver of natural diamond is bathed in a molten solution of graphite and a proprietary metal-based catalyst at approximately 1,500 °C and 58,000 atm of pressure. Slowly, carbon precipitates onto the diamond seed crystal. A gem-quality, 2.8-carat rough yellow diamond grows in just under three-and-a-half days. (Article)

Whodda thunk't yew kin bekum yer own oyster (sorda)? Ah'z awl fumilyer with seedz in the grownd, so why not this kinda seed? N only 3.5 dayz!!!!! Oh, it mekks the ole bonez wanna do cartwheelz!

Milkin Gullibiliddy

Iss bad enuff whin folks ixployt uthr folks' grief. But whut tekks the cake iz whin ta boot it vilates God'z commandmints. He giv us thoze az a safety hedge, and iffn yew wanna know whut happinz whin we flout Hiz warninz, jiss lookit Krautlan between '33 n '45.

Owdda Kntrol Replikashn

Ever noddice how much a lie ruzimblz a hydrer? Yew tell wun 'n purddy soon, 'at wun hazta hav a baby ta tekk keer o the daddy-lie whin iss gittin wobbly, n thin, 'fore ewe know it, 'at thar furss lie haz turned into a great-great-great daddy with kidz as noomruss az the ole wummun in the shoe.

Ah thank they awtter work on a burth kntrol method fer lies. Beddr yet: abord'm!

Start Wearin A Burka!

Wayull, not only duz a burka perteck yew frum karsinerjinnik rayz, but it turnz owt, it maht fool ole BB, too! Whut? Yew mean ewe ain't heard o the BDOs ole BB haz unleashed at airports? Wayull, ta mah way o thankin, iss a kinda sister-verzhn o what the Dutch did. Yessirree, ole BB iz slowwwly but shorely closin the pincerz---all in the name o "skyoorty" o course.

Ah'z glayud ah'z too pohr ta do no flyin. (Course, ah reelize that thar teknawlerjy'll evinchully be yoozed across the board [pardun the pun], not jiss @ ayrports.)

It Din't Start With the Tarantulists

"In general, the Ottoman elite sought to replace potentially troublesome communities with peasant populations which were easy to control and tax."

Them Tarantulists kin't tekk credit fer inventin this. Nor did it stop with them: az ah'z written elsewhere, the awthorteez in this here lan hav done a mighty thurrow job o dummin down our popyooluss, too.

"Easy 2 control & tax" indeed.

B & B Redux

How duzzis differ frum this?

Kindrid Fur

In mah poss How I Got Ta Be 104 yew'll recawll't ah kunfesst chocklit az mah weakniss (still-sips now'n thin bein a close runner-up). Wayull, owt thar sumwhere in Finnlun, ah'z got a scampry cownnerpart. Wish he cood be parta mah minnajry.

On 2nd thawt: mah choklit bill'd skyrockit. N we might fight bowt that preshuss black substunss. Ah guess iss beddr that he'z way over thar.

Spurchull Scroojiz

Yew know that thar Skripsher't sez, "grouchiz is ferever crotchity, but a murry heart haz a continyul feast"? N that uthr wun't sez thar'z a tahm ta laff n evn a tahm ta dance!!!!! Wayull, summun over at the commints @ Pyroz needz ta revyoo them versiz, cuzzat pursun wuz bein awl sourballish bowt them touchay posterz (see mah prevyuss intry). In the dayz ov "A Modist Perpozal," no doubt that thar curmudjun comminter wooda had ole Mr. Swiff hung't the gallowz.

Ah haz a kweschun fer them folk: do yew thank't the uhbility ta laff iz a produck ov The Fall? Ah diklayer, evn the gullz n the horses n the chimps n the pugs laffs.

If them Curmudjunz had creadid the yoonivurs, it woulda lookt like this:

No colorz: jiss black n grey n white

No textchurz: jiss slippery smooth everythang

No wunnerful scents er uhromaz: jiss the stinch o mildew

No ability ta laugh: jiss a permanint scowl on everbuddy'z face

No myoozickl instrumints: just gruff-voyced playnsong

No mockinbirdz: jiss crowz n buzzurdz

No froot-jooss: jiss water

No spirits: jiss codliver oil

No tastebudz, no nerve endinz in yer fingerz or in yer privitt parts

No sirree, them ole FrumpHearts wooda creatid a indliss Siberia.

With Apawlerjeez Ta Them Pyroz

Over at wunna mah favert blawgz, they'z bin doin the bess job o lampoonin the so-called Emurjunt Church (emurjunt, all right----frum the Nether Pit). They'z got a whole set o posters that'll giv ewe the bess abz wurkout. (Mekk shore yew vyoo all'v um, cuz they'z distribyootid uhmungst 2 differnt posts.) They'z right on the mark. But wunna them posterz cood boomerang. Here it iz:
Now, here'z whut them with the Turribl Twoz Theawlujee cood do with it:

Evn Beddr, AKA Popsiklz Redux

A li'l while back, yew'll recawl't ah wuz thankin bowt marketin popsiklz frum mah still. Wayull, knsidrin that them popsiklz woon't be in demand year-rown cepp mebbe in placiz like Nuvadder, SoCal n Arizoner, ah wuz scratchin mah hayud bowt whut uthr produck ah might be abl ta purdooss with mah fine spurrits. Yooreka, "seek'n ewe shall find" haz wuncet agin prooved itself: ahza gonna mekk moonshine lipbalm.

Whut? Yoo thank ah'z off mah rocker? Wayull, aside frum the fack 'ass bin troo purdy much fer dekaydz, tekk a look @ this ardikkl n see if ah ain't on the right track! Ah figyur, lipbalmz not only in dimand all yur rown, but 2-3x/day! (N az weddin shower faverz, too!) Thank o how minny o mah li'l tubz ah'd be abl ta sell in jiss a munth! Why, with this here inkum, ah'll be abl ta buy me sum lan near the oshun, n hav me a spashuss howse with lossa big winders, n awl the critterz ta mekk up a minajeree: cowz, pigz, goats, geese, chickinz, a macaw n a conure...Plus, a wardin ta look after'm (mah ole bone'z iz too stiff n weak fer that task).

Yurnin

Ah jis done gone'n changd mah profile kweschun, which minchund traynz. Thar'z sumpin bowt the sownd ov a train whistle that mezmeriziz me---sorda like a wolf gits mezmurized by the moon. Ah dunno whut iggzackly goze on butween mah sowl n that thar moanin (the foghorn at the harbor duz the same thang), but it jiss mekks me wanna tekk off fer the wild yonder, hobo-style, n nevr kum back.

Mebbe iss mah vurzhn o wherewolfizm. ;)

Suspishnz Cnfurmd

Jiss lahk ah'z aleez sed, all that thar "ecyoominnikl dialog" wuz jiss a klossull rooz: they'z still got the same vyoo o Protestantizm azzay did durin the Inkwizishn. (Innybuddy who'z bin keepin track knowed that, since they hain't never retracted Trint.) All that thar ECT bizniss wuz jiss a clever ploy they yoozed, since in democratic societeez, they kint apply their torchur tactix.

Kindrud Sowl

Ah'z got a dissunt cuzzin out in the blogosfear: Hillbilly White Trash. Ah jiss koon't ruzziss passin wunna hiz linez on ta yew. "...to support the giveaway programs which keep enough people dependant on you so that you seldom need to fear not being reelected, you need a tax which is easy to raise because addiction to government subsidy is like addition to heroin. The amounts needed to satisfy continually go up." (7/7/07 post)

From Ozarx Ta Onyx

Cepp fer purdy beedlz, all ah'z ever felt fer bugz iz loathin (they'z prennyul skwattrz in mah li'l cabin!!!), but whodda thunk't all this time, us hillbilliez haz bin sittin on crawlin gold? Awl theze decaydz, we'ze bin suffrin pawverddy when we cooda bin millyunayrz!

Iffn over the nex fyoo munss this here blawg gits ta stagnatin, yew'll know iss cuz ah'z bizzy ousside ferretin crawliez 'n fillin jarz with'm! Bonanza, here ah cum!

"Peace Officerz" Needid Fer WHUT????

Floridyunz iz payin fer the pohleece ta perteck copulatin (pardun the pun). Izziss a case o Wildlife Woodstock er whut?

Speakin O BlueSkins...

Fer jiss a momint, theze folk mighta thunk they had a real live aylyun on thur handz!

Of Dezirbl Job Hazzrdz

Ah reckun this here story might jiss cauz lotsa pothayudz ta apply fer bein firemin. (Bess part's the lass sintince!)

Greek Mythawlerjee Redux

Seemzzat "Modern" Man iz yurnin fer sum kinda return ta Classicizm: thar'z chimeraz waitin in the wingz.

2-Leggid Vapidity

You knowz frum readn prevyuss intriez here't mah blawg that ah ain't perticlurly fond o atheizm. Wayull, here'z a witty objecshn to it frum summun who should know, havn wuncet hizself bin a Scoffer: "If you are getting inner promptings, why should you pay any attention to them? It is as absurd as the idea of a compass with no magnetic North. You might as well take moral instruction from your bile duct." (This is Pete Hutchens replyin ta hiz bruthr'z flatlander cozmawlerjee.)

All That's Blue Ain't Necessurily Risterkraddik

Ewe'z hurd o redskinz 'n Blacks 'n yellerskinz. Wayull, thar'z unuther groop yew don hear bowt. Whin ah wuz a yungun in furss grade ('ewe relizezat wuz a hunnert lonnnnng yurz ago), thar wuzzis one li'l boy who got made fun o all the time. It wuz cuz he wuz blue-skinned. Us uther yungunz alweez thunk't mebbe he wuz dyin, so we'd all steer clear o him. He wuz mighty lonely. (One day when he wuz abowt 20, he dun gone 'n shot hizself.)

But now, ah know he warn't alone and also what cawzd his problim. (My granny aleez WUZ aginst kin murryin kin.)

Ingeenyuss!

Seemzat a restaurant owner in VA is sellin gourmet popsiklz 'n upsettin the FedSnooperz in the process. (Ah deklayuh, the gummint haz gotta be the wurss skwelcher of innervashn thar iz!!!) But this done gimme an ahdee: whut if ah started sellin mah own verzhn o them icy treats, usin the fluid frum mah still az the base? Ah kin jiss see it now: "Granny'z Ozark Popsicles"----ah cood git az famuss 'n rich az ole Mr. Kellogg!

Ah thank ah'll jiss sit down right now 'n whip out a leddr ta Mr. Trader Joe. He'd be jiss the sorda buyer who'd preshate mah produck.

Ov Burkaz'n Bress Cancer

"Breast tumors are awake during the day, and melatonin puts them to sleep at night." Add artificial light to the night environment, and "cancer cells become insomniacs..." (Story)

Majin that! Mebbe them thar Muzlimz iz onta sumpin, mekkin thur wimminfolk wear them ole Hallerween costoomz...

The Ghost in the Gallixy

Didjoo know't thar'z glactik cannibullizm goin on? Iss true! The Milky Way luvs ta munch on starz. (For a intreegin picsher of the predashn, click here.) Seemz't the yooniverse beat us ta scifi, jiss like it beat us in errornawtix 'n velcro 'n strong thrayud 'n chimikl warfare 'n...

Yew reckun the bottom line izzat we ain't nuthn but self-inflatid copycats?

Kiss Them Klektivist Noshnz G'bye

Over the yearz, the tribalists' favert argyoomint frum nachur fer the suppozd supeeryoritty ov "the hive" haz bin the beez. But now them folk'z got ta face the myoozick: "At least 75 percent of the 4,500 bee species in the United States and Canada live solitary lives." (We'z got Hermit Crabz, so Hermit Beez ain't that furfetcht a idee.)

Ah'z all fer it.

Bionik Barbie

This here android (jiss why izzit they ain't calld "gynoidz" if they'z femayl?) iz Valerie, built by an Amurrikn feller. Ain't she proof pozzitiv't thangz ain't rozy in BionikVille!? Jiss lookit them eyez n that thar mouth! Ohhh, she'z bin cryin buckits, 'ass fer shore! Yet ah thawt the whole point o bein a robot iz nevr havin ta hassl with messy thangz like emoshnz (er body flooidz). Musta bin some sorda glitch when she wuz wired 'n uhssimbld.

N speakin ov emoshnz, the minnit she meets up with Repliee n Eve, donchoo reckun they'z gonna tear her apart with jellussy? Cuz if thar wuz a Miss Bionic pajint, yew kin be shore't Val'd winnit hanz down!

Now, jiss wait: iss jiss a maddr o time before FAD (Fatsoz Against Discrimination) will be sooin all them robot-mekkerz fer not perdoossin no 3B'z (Big Beautiful Bodiez).

Kreeya Had Ta Keep Up With The Jonesiz

Meet "EveR-1," the Kreeyun "Repliee" to that thar androyd ah jiss got dun postin bowt. She'z so reel-lookin, iss SKEERY! Whuddyoo mekk o that thar ironik cast ta them eyez?

N how bowt that thar name! Izzat a pun bowt her bein immordl? Or cood it be her way o sayin no uthr androyd'll evr trump her (incloodin Repliee)?

Now, that thar sloot she'z givin: yoo reckun thass her sekrit signull ta the Kreeyun verzhn o the CIA? Er mebbe iss jiss lettin awl the malez know not ta mess with her, cuz she'z a expurt in Kung Foo? Thin uhgin, mebbe iss nuthn more'n her gittin caught in the middl o tossin her hair back ovr her showldr.

All Ain't Byookolik In BionikVille

Now if ewe wuz thankin't androydz ain't got no wurriez, thank agin. Evidintly, if they'z bin dizynd with rosasha er akne, they ain't none too happy bowt it.

Tekkin It Wun Step Further

Thar'z all this talk bowt bein abl ta replace more 'n more of folks' limz 'n orgunz with sintheddik wunz (ishoo aside: whether a body'd wanna aksepp sumpin thass got "sin" built in). Wayull, ah'z bin thankin bowt that n wunnrin: iffn ewe wuz ta git nuffa yer parts replaced, woodjoo thin ind up az a android? Where do we draw the line?

Uthr, evn more impordunt, kwestchun: kin they perdooss a sintheddik soul?

Android Antix

This is "Repliee 2," a Japunneze Bionic Wummun. Don she look REAL? Ah'z impresst. (Yew reckun they'll be yoozin the likes o her fer espeeunnawj?)

Now whut ah ain't clear on: that thar name o herz, duzzit havta do with her bein programmed (like ole Charmin' Chatty back in '65) ta give only surtn answerz? Or izzit referrin ta her tindincy ta keel ovr at the hips? Or mebbe iss just hintin at the "lie" that she iz?

N how in tarnashn do yew PERNOWNCE 'at name?!?

Mah Kyoor 4 It

Haz yew bin hearin lots bowt "awtizm" lately? They'z abuzz bowt that thar disorder that uhflix awl kinda pohr yung-unz nowadayz. Them resurchrz got awl manner o thurreez bowt whut kawziz it.

Wayull, ah kin put a ind ta awllat spekyoolashn. The answer'z az plain az yer hiney: iss cuz purrints iz ferever tellin them yung-unz they awtta be doin this n they awtta not be doin'at. Lay off the "awttaz" n ah reckun that thar disordr'd kyoor itself!

He'z Alreddy Reperdoossin!!!!!

Iffn yew rayud mah lass poss, yew'll be uhstowndid ta fahnd owt that replicashn iz alreddy unnerway.

Mahndjoo, when this yung-un gits a bout of the "turribl two'z," ah reckun yew'd beddr hayud fer the hillz, cuz the effeck'd be abowt like Hurrikin Kuhtreena.

(Ah'z wunnrin: yew reckun mebbe ah awtter rename this here blawg "Vurchull Granny?")

Bionik Man Iz A Flintstone

They'z jiss uppt the auntie: Virtual Man Helps Guide Doctors

Move Over, Wheat! Ewe'z Gittin Compitishn!

With plastik gittin a bad name the past 2 decaydz er so (karsinnerjinz), it stanz ta reezun't the industry'd be lookin ta find a way to git back inta ahr good graciz, so ta speak. Wayull, they'z hit the jackpot: seemz't thar'z wurk unnerway ta perdooss plastik frum taters and sugar. Whodda thunk't the crops o the fyootchur'd be taters 'n sugarbeets! Iderho'd beddr brayce itself fer a massive case o californicizashn!

Kum ta thank ov it, this might also be the slooshn ta all them lanfill problimz, bec. duzzis mean 'at that kinda plastik'll be edibl (kinda lahk them wax spektiklz n teeth n noziz they yoozta mekk fer Hallerween)? Cuzzat'd mean we'd be eatin ahr own plastik refyooz.

Now thar'z yer ULTIMUTT Bionik Man: yoomunz az walkin waste receptiklz.

Count Me Out!

Bionik, here we kum: they'z workin on makin plastik blud. (Woon't it be a lot cheaper jis ta use them lite-weight styrerfoam pellits ewe put in them thar big ole beanbagz?)

Duds

Ah'z nevr unnerstood why them thar fellerz wearz them fancy muumuuz (mutturniddy owtfits, no less!) . Don it say sumpin in the O.T. bowt minfolk not wearin wimminfolk's togz?

Who'z Who?

Looks like resurcherz iz havin the same difficulties in thur work az ah'z got ever day when ah look arown me: "It's been getting more and more difficult for us to say what's a human and what's an ape..."

Prohibishn Redux

(Or should that headin've read, "Crusades Redux"?)

"The new Church Ladies simply will not tolerate intolerance."

Against Fatuousness

"The tenet of liberalism that says civic life must rise no higher than the comfort level of its least patriotic citizen is pure idiocy. America is about the right to dissent, but it is dissent, not a takeover of the mainstream." (Essay)

Amayzin Proffit!

Way back in 1944, John T. Flynn, liberal-turned-‘Old Right' opponent, made a fascinatin perdicshn:

"When fascism comes it will not be in the form of an anti-American movement or pro-Hitler bund, practicing disloyalty. Nor will it come in the form of a crusade against war. It will appear rather in the luminous robes of flaming patriotism; it will take some genuinely indigenous shape and color, and it will spread only because its leaders, who are not yet visible, will know how to locate the great springs of public opinion and desire and the streams of thought that flow from them and will know how to attract to their banners leaders who can command the support of the controlling minorities in American public life. The danger lies not so much in the would-be führers who may arise, but in the presence in our midst of certain deeply running currents of hope and appetite and opinion. The war upon fascism must be begun there."

Hu He Really Wuz

Mistree solvd: ah recant. It warn't Cho after all on that thar photo. See post #295440880. But 'at don chanj mah pzishn't sumpin'z fishy abowt Cho.

Warsaw & Lodz Redux

"Gated Communities 4 Baghdad." My, ain't that jiss peachy! They'z restorin that war-ravijd country to that level?

Not hardly. 'Ass jiss Newspeak fer Jewish-like ghettos. Like ah'z sed buffore: the Nazi mintaliddy reignz.

Here'z Whut Ah Mint

Go back to mah "Another Possibility" post frum yesterdee n yew'll recugnize it full-blowed in this excerpt:

The purpose of the shootings is to inflame the public against guns so that they force Congress to pass restrictive gun laws. Once the guns are out of the hands of the American public, another twist in random mayhem will begin. More programmed "Manchurian Candidates" will begin anarchistic attacks on the public using bombs, knives, fires, Molotov cocktails, baseball bats and any other item that can be used as a weapon. Anarchy will sweep the streets of the United States.

The public will be disarmed and unable to protect themselves. Therefore, the government will step in and become everyone's protector and Big Brother! The government will do this by suspending the last threads of our barely surviving Constitution, declaring martial law, rounding up the dissidents, patrolling our streets with armed United Nations or NATO military, instituting curfew, and shooting anyone who disobeys any of the newly imposed laws. In other words, a totalitarian government will take control, and if you oppose them, you will be sent to the Gulags. [Deja vu: Nazism'z instatemint]

Only Dronez Need Apply

If Perfesser Polun (see mah 4/19 & 4/20 "Afeard" posts) had hiz way, both me 'n Stephen King'd be in jail---or at leess in a nuthouse.

They'z At It!

Wayull, now ah know fer shore that ah ain't a ignored "societal gnat," as wunna mah innerlokyooterz wood have it. Ah'z bin tryin n tryin ta post a imuj here that Wikipedia pulled frum its site. It wuz Cho in a Marines outfit. Whut wuz he doin in that outfit? Why did Wiki pull it? And where did they git it in the furss place?

In case yoo thank ah'z simply incownered a teknikull problem with the blog's foto downloader, ah kin download other imujiz (ov dollz n sech) jis fahn, n ah kin evn download the marines foto on mah uther blawg (one't ain't plitikul @ all, and that's todully privutt, whereas minny folk know abowt this blawg). But here? That imug got blocked 3x, only thang appearin was wunna them error pages, "the page cannot be displayed."

If yew wanna read the ardikl n see the imuj, click here. The ardikkl also confirms the realiddy of CIA + mind control. So, this ole hillbilly warn't havin still-induced loocinashnz aftr awl (az wunna mah uhpponints akyoozed me ov)!

His Predecessor

Ah din't know this, cuz in 1991, ah din't have no truck with the news, but Cho had a "big brother."

Already Back Then

If you thunk't U.S. fern pawlissy only stardid gittin messy in the past decayd er so, and if yew thunk't mah lass poss wuz parrynoyd, tekk a look @ this!

Anuthr Possibility

Right after mah inishl reakshn of revulsion @ Cho'z deeds, the thawt crossed mah mahn't sumpin warn't right, sumpin wuz fishy. Ah thawt, whut if he wuz hired ta do that? But ah mmedjutly shoved them thawts outta mah hayud. Yew rayud mah own huncht knkloozhnz in mah urlyer posts.

But allat wuz bufore ah rayud the 2 ardicklz ah linkt to in mah prevyuss post. RF n electromagneddik munipyoolashn iz skeery possibiliteez.

Farfetcht, yew say? Why? If the moon kin pull the ocean wadderz, thin whuss ta say certain types of rays/waves coon't inflooince yer body chemistry such't yew feelz/thinks todully unnachrull? (Cuz evn if yew ain't a muturryullist, ewe hazta udmit that brain kimmikulz haz a lot ta do with thankin n feelin.)

See, folks, ah jis hain't nevr been able ta 100% buy this noshn't all them thar yungunz shootn @ thur skoolz wuz jiss actin on thur own impulsiz. Or fer that maddr, the Amish milkman. Iss all jiss too surreel. Iss alweez been a splinnr unner my skin.

Cood it be that surtin Dark Ennideez (n ah don here mean The Dark Enniddy of the Yoonivers) prey on disgrunnld indervidjullz ta ixployt thur mizurry fer plitikl porpoisiz? Cood it be that the D.E.z yooze surtin hi-tek processeez ta magnify the evul 'at's alreddy prezint in the mahnd/heart o the disgrunnld pursun, thus pushin him ovr the edj?

Seemz like more'n evr, we needz that vital Spurchull Armor the WORD talks abowt (EPHESIANS 6:14ff).

Afeard, Part 3

Sum folk out thar thinx ah'z paranoid (see my recent 2 "Afeard" posts). "Get off it, Granny, the gov't. isn't out to get you or any other harmless societal gnats."

Zzat so? Well, fella, go read this n when yer finished, read this.

Mind-Bogglin Timin!

Possibly, soon ewe won't be readin this here blawg no more. The axe haz begun ta fall---ainit ironic, in view o mah moss recint posts? (Innybuddy know howta save a whole blog in wun bite? Ah don wanna haveta save each poss indervijilly.)

Wayull, wuncet ah'z behind barz, pleez do 2 thangz: 1. Pray fer me ta be faithful ta the One Who Iz Truth and 2. Write me a letter wuncet in a while (even jiss sind me invizibbl ink copiez of mah bess poss here't mah blog, iffn yew don wanna spind a lodda effort churnin owt a leddr).

Afeard, Part 2

If that Poland feller had hiz way (see lass post), summun like me wooda got skwasht long ago. Bucuz here's the rub: how do yew deturmin where ta draw the line az to whut kinda "differnt" and "yewneek" is "acceptubble"?

Evn Polun'z choyssa wurdz iz disinjinyoouss: summun like Cho ain't jiss harmlessly "differnt" & "yewneek." Thoze iz adjicktivz ewe kin rightly apply ta summun like Newtun er Einstein er Edison er Galileo. Them wurdz bekum a mockry when applied ta summun like Cho.

Butchoo see, Polun needz ta hide. Him n hiz kind haz a self-impozed policy ta stay away frum "valyoo judjmints," speshly them't poynts ta the possibility of the A-wurd (Absolutes), bucuz donchoo know, the A-wurd in turn poynts ta Summun Who'z the Ultimut Arbidr ov Right 'n Wrong, ov Good n Evil. N awl them thar shrinks 'n thur ilk kint ABIDE even the thawt of that Summun. When it kumz ta that thar Summun, they'z like mildew 'n the sun.

Jiss Whut Ah Wuz Afeard Ov

"This young man was known to be different and unique and one of the issues at college campuses is whether or not we can mandate any kind of counselling," says Professor Poland.
"Do we, for example, have the leverage to make a student who is troubled come to the counselling service?"

Thar yew go----they'z gettin closer n closer ta thur most churrisht target: todul streamlinin of the soul n mind.

Furss, it wuz forced "sinsitividdy" traynin fer folk who speak owt aginst buggery (cuz with the Constitooshn still in place, the Leftists kint jiss toss dissennerz inta Gulags er Auschwitz's---not yet, but jiss wait). Now, next step on the path: they'z gonna try ta yooz this Cho guy'z abusiz ta justify forcin innybuddy who'z differnt inta "cownslin." (Go back 'n read mah 4/22/05 entry about the Amish n see whut ah sed thar bowt the spyooryuss benign natcher of cownslin.) 21st cinchry Procrusteanizm. (Nodice the middle sillyble thar: they'z got a lodda GALL ta try ta remodel folk inta thur own arbitrary imuj.)

How bowt unuther kinda "sinsitivity," that iz, keen awareniss o God'z Dezign n follerin hard after it? Which starts by rearin yung-unzzat way frum day 1.

Yet Unuther Way o Sayin It

Even the shrink who helped the FBI analyze the Columbine massucur echoez mah lass post:"We've had monsters in our minds since the dawn of time."

The trooth will out: behaviorizm, positivizm, pragmatizm, n uthr sekyoolurrizmz, meetcher doom. Yew'z been squelchin the trooth (ROMANS 1: "keepin the truth imprisoned in unrighteousness") fer so long, now it's rebowndin 3-D ta bitecha in the bunz.

Unravel the Riddle: Easy

Ah wuz jiss readin sumpin where it said that the "experts" wood be studyin Cho'z moddivashn fer decaydz ta kum. Wayull, ah kin shortn yer resurch, folks:

(1) Cho wuz readin too much o Dr. Doom 'n Malthus n Miz Ruether (see mah moss reesunt posts). He wuz thur devodid disciple.

(2) All them "experts" needta sachrate thurselvz with sevrull reedinz of Lewis' THE ABOLITION OF MAN. Then, fordify that with a refreshr study of Freud'z concepp of "the beast within," which o course tekks yew back ta "every imagination of the thoughts of man's heart [is] only evil continually" (Gen. 6:5), n then a updatid restatemint of that looks like this: "[E]ach person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin; and sin when it is full-grown brings forth death." (James 1:14-15).

'At Thar VA. Massukr Wuz Bayud Enuff

But don go compowndin it with blasphummee: "Thanks to you, I die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and the defenseless people."

Beg pardun? Die like Jesus Christ? Hiz death wuzzat ov the spotless (= sinless) Lamb o God, allowin Hizself ta be crucified, thereby tekkin away OUR sinz. Yer death did nuthn o the sort. Hiz life n death grantid eturnull life ta all the millyunzzat trust in Hiz atonement and Hiz Lordship. Your life & death wuz a dead ind. As fer "inspirin" folk, only SS-types n kindred pervurts'd be "inspired" by that sorta bloodbath.

Yer foul wurdz mekk a purson hard-pressed ta chooze between the Pink Stuff and "Help-me-back-on-my-chair:-I'm-LMTO!"

Deja Vu

"We need to seek the most compassionate way of weeding out people...In place of the pro-life movement we need to develop the spirituality of recycling...We need to compost ourselves." (Rosemary Radford Ruether----who'd mekk the requisite female 4th component in the Triniddy mentioned in mah lass poss.)

Innerestin: seems ta me, that thar "spurchooaliddy" of recyclin's been tried not long ago. It wuz dun bah min in brown shirts when they appropriated the gold, fernitcher, books, joolry, paintinz, carz, howziz 'n uthr belonginz of a certun ethnik groop they decided ta sind ta thur Maker ahead-o-time. Part 2 wuz tekkin the bonez of sed group 'n yoozin'm fer furdilizer; thur tattoo'd skin fer lampshadez; thur flesh fer expurrimints n soap; thur hair fer mattrissiz, submarine pipe insoolashn 'n warm slippers.

So, Ms. Ruether, you volunteerin innytime soon ta compost yerself? Persnully, ah'd avoid yer li'l heap of compost like the plague: too minny toxinz in yer veinz.

Shrinkin The Problems

"World population must be stabilized and to do that we must eliminate 350,000 people per day." (Jacques Cousteau, UNESCO Courier, Nov. '91, p.13). Him n Singer n ole Dr. Doom---how 'bout that New Triniddy? Which one ov'm yew reckun'll cum down to the lowly level ov us Homo-NotSoSapiens and tekk on ahr death fer us?

Progressing Apace

Like Manchurian Candidates, the Western middle class have played their essential part in creating the techno-bureaucracy of the new feudalism which will enslave them...[S]even significant methods [are] being used to reduce living standards around the world...1. money supply and taxation; 2. free trade; 3.free movement of labour; 4. environmentalism; 5. wars; 6. the criminal justice system; and 7. disease. (Read the whole book)

Cool-Headed Dissenter Bowt Globull Warmin

MIT meteorawlujjy perfessr writes, Politicians love the green agenda, of course, because it means more control, more regulation, more taxes, more summits, and more opportunities for displays of self-important zeal.

Ecofreak Mengele

Yew wunna them folk who'z dyin ta save the plannit? Wayul, if this feller haz hiz way, you'll gitcher wish sooner'n yew mighta been plannin on. (Ah reckun he muss be boozum buddeez with Peter Singer.) Course, Dr. Doom (az sum callz him) hizself'd be iggzempt frum hiz own pawliceez.

Or wood he? Where wood he hide ta save hiz own karkuss? Cuz wuncet hiz verzhn o "Pandora's Box" wuz unleashed, hiz "solooshn" wood be everwhere n overwhelmin...

New Twist On Murphyz Law

"Dunn's First Law: With enough idiots, you don't need a conspiracy."

Apocalypse NOW!!!!

That environmentalism is in fact a pseudo-religion goes without saying. Like all such, it possesses every element of contemporary legitimate belief. It has a deity, in this case the goddess Gaia, the personification of the living Earth, (first envisioned by James Lovelock, whom we can slot in as high priest). It has its holy books, most changing with the seasons, and most, as is true of the Bible with many convinced Christians, utterly unread. It has its saints, its prophets, its commandments, religious rituals (be sure to recycle that bottle), a large gallery of sins, mortal and otherwise, and an even larger horde of devils. (Let me pause here to sharpen a horn.)

Another item that a pseudo-religion must have is an apocalypse - and that's what global warming is all about...

Death on a scale beyond even Mao was something openly contemplated in respectable circles of the [ecofreak] cult . One byproduct of the universal famine panic was a concept called "triage". Adapted from the emergency medical technique in which the dying are put to one side while the less injured receive priority treatment, triage advocates suggested that certain "failed" nations be completely isolated from the rest of the world to bring about a "die-off" of their "excess" population, a process that would have resulted in the deaths of hundreds of millions. This was not a crackpot notion; it was presented as a serious policy issue and discussed as such in outlets such as the New York Times and the Washington Post. The particular "failed" nation always suggested by these people was India, one of our epoch's economic powerhouses.

(Read the entire essay)

Which Remindz Me----

Speakin o puttin band-aidz on morull lepersy, here'z a fine iggzampl o where morull lepersy leedz.

Vurryashn On a Theme

Seemz't Chiner'z larnin frum Columbier'z bad iggzampl (see mah poss frum a li'l over a yur ago, Jan. 6/06): they'z gonna penalize surtn biznissiz fer not pervahdin surtn itemz---FUR FREE!!!!---ta thur customerz. All in the inneress of "fightin the spread of AIDS."

Ass right, jiss keep puttin band-aidz on morull leppersy.

Mengele & Ilse Koch'd Be Proud

Speakin o Browniez n Reddiez, ah'z alweez sed WW2 warn't really wun by the "Alliez" (yew notice the lass syllbl o that wurd?), but bah the Naziz.

OK, ah hear the guy in the back row agin: "Granny, you finished first grade; you don't know the first thing about world history." Sit down, whippersnapper, sit down. O course ah'z aware't geo-plitikly, the Brownshirts loss, no dowt abowt it. But in a more indoorin, insidjuss way, they WUN: thur mutturryuliss mintality haz bin dominatin fer the pass 42 yurz. This here story is jis wun iggzampl.

Course, in the US o A, the landmark victry fer that mindset wuz Roe v. Wade.

Proof Positive

If innywun ever had inny dowts, this awtter put'm ta ress: tell me that thar pitcher don demonstrate (a) the similarity between Redshirtizm 'n Brownshirtizm and (b) the fact that a lotta ole Nazis jis changed costoomz after '45 ta save thur necks (the wunz stuck behind whut bekum the "Ahrn Kurtin").

Hitler knowd this bess ov awl: he wuncet sed sumpin lahk "Gimme a ardint Commie fer 6 weeks 'n ah'll turn'im into a die-hard Nazi."

PC Traffic Lites

Kin ewe buhLEEEVE they'd do sumpin fatchoouss like this? Now, fer thangz ta go thur lawjkl terjectry, next, PETA needz ta git its horn involved and require the use of vurryuss animul imujiz, bec. after awl, jiss yoozin yoomunz iz speceez-showvinizm.

Viagra Kin Inkrees Lokayshussniss

Ah wuz gonna title this post "Ov Semen N Synapses," but 'ass only half the story.

Whut? Yew don beleev iss true? Wayull, jis reed this ardikkl n iffn at leess half o yore brayn cellz iz still firin (the part that haz ta do with lawjik), yoo jiss kint uhvoid mah knkloozhn. (Aw right, ah hurd that wizeguy in the back row: "No, Granny, you only come up with that conclusion if your brain cells are atrophied by 107 years of underuse.")

So, mebbe nex thang them resurchurz'll be publishin izzat a unixpectid side effek o them "virility enhancin drugz" iz the improovment in kmyoonikashn between huzbundz 'n wahvz. (Won't all them thar feminaziz---ever blathrin bowt how minfolks' favert hobby iz stonewallin----won't they jiss be pleezed pink. [Mah effusiv uhpawlerjeez! That wuz a sexist slip: that should read "pleezed grey."])

Thin agin, yew reckun there might be unnother unexpectid not-so-rozy side-effect, that bein a mass mutiny (The Continuing Saga of the Luddites, Act 2): after all, klossal progress tordz peace in the War Of the Sexes wood triggr massiv unimployment of shrinx, soshl workerz, talk show hosts, n Wimmin'z Studeez perfessrz.

In any case, frinz, the long n the short ov it iz: Viagra iz trooly the murrakl drug!

Dated But Timeless

Ah reckun, ah awtter jiss start a blawg thass a kmpendyum o Mike Spencer'z n Tom Sowell'z joowullz, cuz nobody callz a spade a spade beddr'n them 2. Mike had this ta say bowt that infummuss incidint in Cincinnati a while back:

[T]he Libertarian in me is not excited about what is happening in Cincinnati, but the largest reason the police are roaming the streets in riot gear has nothing to do with the threat of a police state. It has a lot to do with the always-predictably inane ass-umptions of the liberals who largely run our cities and the liberal media who tell us all about them. The fastest way I know of to install a policeman in every school, home and restroom is to simply let the liberals continue duping the country about reality. In short, liberals in America are showing a confusing tendency to trash the police and idealize the criminals. Bad choice. But then, liberalism always knows the short route to tyranny. They just advertise it as the road to Utopia. [Imfasseez mahn]

Bullzeye Boy Haz Done It Agin!

If ewe'z been keepin up with mah blawg, yew'll know't in Fall o lass year, summun innerdoost me ta Michael Spencer. He's dynamite. Look't summa what he wrote in I Have My Doubts:

Freud's contention that human beings create a God in the sky out of their longings for a perfect father and their fear of death has the virtue of common sense and realism. As a Christian, I do not doubt that vast tracts of human religiosity can be explained by Freud's analysis. Yet, Freud is wrong. The Biblical God is not wishful thinking, but the center of the spiritual "appetite" of human beings. Billions of human beings would prefer no God exist. Billions of human beings would like to make God in the image of Santa or Oprah. Yet, Christianity, Judaism (and even Islam) persistently put forward a God who is terrifying to who we are. A just, holy God of judgment. A God of heaven and hell. Not the God of the wishful thinkers, but the God who is a consuming fire...

The portrait of Jesus in the four Gospels towers above the paltry whinings of modernists, the thrown pebbles of critics and the repeated foibles of a scandalous church. Jesus is not the creation of any person or any tradition. He alone, of all the versions of a human soul, radiates the undoubtable evidence of "God with us" that other spiritual leaders only hint at. Jesus alone defies categorization and trivialization. He towers over history, culture and the human heart. This is no portrait of human longing or an exercise in wishful thinking about what we might become. This Jesus is, as John said, the Word made flesh.

Feelinz vs. Truth

Long-time reederz o mahn might recawl mah post about 18 munss ago where ah took isshoo with treatin the Chrischn faith az merely sum sorda skyoority blanket, a adult verzhn of a pacifier. Well, summun else haz sed it much beddr'n this here hillbilly: In his outstandin essay The American Religion, Mike Horton kwotes Harry Blamires,

"A curse of contemporary Christendom has been the replacement of traditional theology by a new system which we may call 'Twentieth-century Sentimental Theology.' Because this [home-brewed] God loves all men equally, therefore, we must live in agreement with all men, smiling indulgently upon every vanity and betrayal [what David Wells haz termd "spurchull bonhomie"]. Because this God is only a God of Love, we must never differentiate between truth and error, good and evil, for judgment partakes of uncharity and presumption...

Are we sure we prayed to the true God this morning? The God whose face is the face of the living and dying Christ? Or was it this God who, in grand avuncular benevolence, slyly slips us [some spending money] and tells us to have a good time?”

PETA vs. Santa Update

[See mah 11/25 posts furss]

Reporter: "Santa, what happened? Are you suffering from post-festivities bulimia?"

Santa: "No, Sir, it's just the stress."

Reporter: "But isn't the stress over, now that Christmas is past?"

Santa: "I guess you haven't heard: thanks to PETA, I'm unemployed & uninsured, I've lost my beloved reindeer, and now on top of all that, I've got another class action suit against me by P4NW."

Reporter: "P4NW?"

Santa: "Yah, you know: 'People 4 the Naughty Way.' They're suing me for discrimination."

Reporter: "That must be a real sock in the solar plexus."

Santa: "Well, let's put it this way: the long-advised belly ballast bust is the only silver lining in this cloud."

Where Duzzit Ind?

Moss o mah reederz izz fummilyer with the campayn against Chrissmuss 'n aginst the greetin "Merry Christmas!" So t'other day, a PC kwayntunce o mahn snidely sugjestid simply yoozin "Happy Holidayz" az'n eezy way out.

Ah guess that them PCerz, with thur uhbizmull ignernce o histry and uthr aspex o realiddy, don reelize "holidayz" = "holy dayz."

Mebbe they'd be happiest if all they heard in Decimber innymore wuz "Happy Kwanzaa!"