Misnowmr If Ah Evr Hurd Wun

Why iz they called "candidates," them thar prezidinchl uhspirerz, when they'z nuthin but a packka mindashuss wolvez?

Strange Way Ta Incarcer8!

The headline sed: Family Hopes New Website Helps Keep Killer Locked Up. Whut, how duz a website mannij ta ack azza jail? Iss troo't the innernet kin do all mannera amazin thangz, but keepin' a killer pent up? 'At stretchiz evn MAH creduliddy!

Mebbe iss a vuryashn o Sam'nEllie in mah belly?