Invurtid If Yew Ask Me

Whin yer bonez haz bin arown fer a hunnert'n 9 yeerz lahk mahn, painkillerz at tahmz iz yer bess frinz. So, pleez hepp me unnerstan why they'z cawled "antagonists" then? Seemz ta me that pain'z the antagonist!

Feelin 4lorn

You remimbr this fella? Ah reckun millyunz a yungunz over sevrull jinrashnz had him az their awnerary "gawdfathr," prezidin ovr minny a brekffuss table az a silent guest. Oats wuz a cheap'n helthy way ta feed a passel o squawkerz, n yew cood find Mr. Q on any shelf where surryull wuz sold.

Majin mah consternashn t'uthr day when ah coon't locate him nowhere in mah local large grocery store (part of a huge chain)! He wuz still imployd bowt 2 yeerz uhgo! Whut, izzis a case of PC gone haywire? Izzit parda the mintaliddy of the croosade aginst creches? Are they paranoid bowt permotin "rlijun" ta kids az parta thur daily nurrishmint? ("Man shall not live by brayud alown, but....")

Ah'z feelin mighty displaced 'n downheartid. But evn mohr, Mr. Q'z disappearance sez sumpin bowt ahr society: fer dekaydz now, thar'z bin awl this brouhaha bowt eatin more ruffage, and the pass few yeerz, the whole "Green" nonsince to boot, so you'd think't Mr. Q'z produkk'd be in evn greater demand than evr buhfore. Instedd, the only manner o oats yew kin buy innymohr izzem itty-bitty packets o processed confetti, the type't haz tunza unhelthy additivz ta boot.

Deliver us frum the corprut dominashn o the food supply.

Why Ah'z Gittn Poorer Evr Day

(aka why Californiyay wint bankrupp)

Ah jiss got this frum Skoolmarm:

Location: 99c Store

Actors: Mexican couple in their 60's in the line ahead of me

They passed their card thru the machine; clerk looks skeptically at the receipt that came out. "OK, you used your EBT card. You need to use your credit card." She redoes the transaction herself for them.

Now, don't kid yourself: they didn't do that by accident. They tried to get 99c stuff on the EBT card! (EBT is the electronic card for what used to be called food stamps.) And remember, EBT purchases are not charged any sales tax!

Chamber O Horrerz, Here We Kum

(aka, "Welcome back, Dr. Mengele!")

Ah thunk it wuz ghassly when they furss started tawkin bowt clonin yoomunz, but ah jiss run acrosst this, which is Dr. Strangelove ta the 100th exponint.










Yew reckun 'ass why in the furss chptr. o Genesis, He keeps repeating "after their own kind"? He knowd man wuz gonna git inta this witchiz brew mixin. (Izzis the ultimate rezult o Nawminlizm-gone-haywire?)

Their Vurzhn O The Brew

Atheeizm: the opyut o the (Leftiss) innerlekshlz.